curbdrop out of grace

i can't stand to be with me

a number of thoughts:

thought 1
i was just talking to a girl (who i will not reveal the name) who was telling me that some dude she was starting to see came over one day wasted on a sunday nite and gave the girl flowers, but the dude hadn't been home from the nite before and smelled of stale bar and looked like morning-after-crap. this guy also had apparently been at hooters as he was wearing one of the hooters waitress' nametags on his sweater. so this guy is a duche.

he then proceeded also to just go into the girl's room while she was in the bathroom and stripped down to his boxers, expecting.

and the point isn't the fact that the girl is no longer interested in the duche or that he didn't get any. rather, the point is, this guy's an idiot, but man does he have balls. he has the balls to try and create that sexual situation with a girl. he forces it. i personally suck and am at the other end of the spectrum where i won't even try to kiss a girl unless i'm confident that she wants it. usually it requires her to send me signals like setting a flare off in her hoo-ha region.


thought 2
so i saw this girl i used to be very good friends with but haven't been in a long time walking her dog today. and we just drifted apart, although some of it was accidental, some of it was intentional. and i was thinking about her a bit recently. i was actually pretty bummed out on one of the days last week and i was just thinking about things including this girl. and a part of me thinks it was my doing that we drifted apart as i did want it in some respect. but i'm wondering how much of it was her wanting to drift away from me. i want to talk to her and ask her just to understand these things. these type of things really interest me.

thought 3
we had band practice today and it was fun as usual. jimmy, billy's cousin is great at the drums. however i feel he gets bored or gets tired or something. i'm not sure. i know i still lack so much confidence while playing in front of people, even if it's just my own band. i feel jimmy and chris (our other drummer) are like this too. i don't think billy is, which is great. that's kind of why he's the leader of our band and definitely the motivator to give our band some sort of direction.

i also wish i didn't fuck up so much while playing, but i do all the time. i think i'm really uncomfortable playing on my electric guitar. my elect is so much sweeter than my acoustic/elect guitar, but i love my acoustic. i write most everything on it. i think i would rather just play acoustic all the time. but i need to figure out how to set up my pick-ups on my acoustic guitar not to have all this negative feedback while playing as the acoustic is more delicate and prone to negative feedback from the amp.

i also really need to get a new amp.

oh and jimmy really liked some of the guitar riffs i was playing that he hadn't heard before. hearing him say that he likes them really makes me happy. it's not that i don't think they are good, but, well let me put it this way. so much of the lyrics and the guitar songs i write are for me. it's like weezer's song "in the garage" (ddl) where he sings "i've got my electric guitar. i play my stupid songs. i write those stupid words and i love every one, waiting there for me."

these songs are for me for fun and relaxation and to get shit out. and i love playing, but it's even better when other people enjoy them as well. it just suprises me a bit each and every time.

thought 4
we're going to vegas this weds. it seems so close now. i am not sure how everything will turn out, only in the sense that this past weekend, i did a lot of toxins that have made my body really tired. so i'm sure that will also be the case in vegas as i'm confident it will get really crazy. it should be a blast, but at this moment with my exhausted body, i am a little afraid.

good news is i only have to work monday and tuesday this week and i'll also have next monday off. damn you chambers, we should have stayed in vegas an extra day.

thought 5
i had more thoughts but forgot them temporarily as i started talking to someone online. oh well. i tend to lose them for days or weeks and then re-remember them. oh well we'll see.

thought 4

posted by fillshe @ 10:13 PM