curbdrop out of grace

poem for

anything/everything

all the times i tried were all the times i failed,
because i could never make you as happy as a sale,
you never bothered to smell the roses,
and so you never enjoyed life but in doses,
your way was our way and it ruined me,
but you were never there to see my internal bleeding,
and it tainted every relationship i've ever had,
like a star up in the sky i could never grab,
i never had,
i never have,
i never will,
and it kills.
you never loved me as much as your first,
which has always made the hurt feel much worse,
you could only compare me to all the others,
but not see the beauty in me where it matters,
i could never live up to the standards you create,
now everything you care about i hate,
you ruined every dream that i've ever had,
like a star up in the sky i would never grab,
i never had,
i never have,
i never will,
and it kills.
like spinning wheels in shit i don't get anywhere,
and it's fucked up how you trained me to still care,
but it wasn't any lesson you beat into me,
rather it was the lack of love that forever is haunting,
for so long i struggled but now it's hard to try,
it's easier to give up and take my place in the lie,
we'll pretend what was missing i've always had,
like a star up in the sky i will never grab,
i never had,
i never have,
i never will,
and it kills.
i would have done anything to please you,
if you would have done anything to let me know it mattered,
i would have done anything to please you,
if you would have done anything to let me know i mattered.

posted by fillshe @ 10:05 PM