curbdrop out of grace

burnt to a crisp or bloody as hell

i almost had a cigarette today. actually, that's a lie. i almost had 3. the plan after dinner with the reps and coworkers was to go to CVS and buy a new pack as i am out. however i was able to persuade myself otherwise. i told myself i'd go home and jerk off.

i lied there too.

or did i?

actually i really didn't smoke or jerk off. at least on the physical realm. i did so in my head to some degree. seriously, this is a SERIOUS question. don't all guys jerk off in their minds numerous times a day? isn't that what libido is?

and about the smoking, well i don't know. i'm not really making sense.

I'm so fucking tired today. work was usual: it sucked. i didn't really want to go out so much but i did because i had already rsvp'd. the dinner was great. the diner was fabulous. or, the diner was great. the dinner was fabulous.

which one did i originally mean and which one did i fuck up on for the spelling? i don't know DUDE.

and so anyway, recently, i haven't been drinking so much and also have been awefully tired. but i have been drinking, just not in large quantities. so i've just been buzzing. like a vibrator.

like that jack rabbit slim or something.

and being buzzed, i often feel like my eyes are glazed over. and to help perpetuate that feelig, people tell me that my eyes look like i'm glazed over. like i'm "high". like they know what that means.

but i do have that feeling. and it's a really wierd feeling. it's like i'm really tired and want to just sleep, but i haven't dranken enough to pass out and sleep. and it's like i care too much to remain being sober enough. it's like being in limbo.

any my roommate left her damn straightening machine stick or whatever plugged in (as always) and on (first time) and no one was home for a good 6 hours. which is pretty fine because if my house gets caught on fire, it's not like i don't say, lose EVERYTHING including:

1. my precious guitar(s); martin and teli
2. 66%+ of my cds
3. my house
4. my sweet ass sofa
5. my clothes that billy likes that i never wear (including a collection of approximately 16 pearl jam t-shirts)
6. my clothes that girls like that i wear but don't take off ever in the presence of girls
7. my beloved camera
8. my collection of woody allen and wes anderson movies (and approximately 60+ other dvds)

i had more to say but i give up for the moment.

posted by fillshe @ 11:48 PM