curbdrop out of grace

for the fellowship we have with our neighbor carl

i have a couple of more thoughts. this has to do with the posting i just made as well...

so i was talking to mo the other week about this girl named libby that used to be obsessed with me, freshman year, for whatever reason. she was fucking crazy. anyway, she wanted me to fuck her but i wouldn't because i was fucking crazy too. but she really was psycho and i just didn't think it would be wise at all. so i denied her. then she dropped out of school.

i always thought i had ruined her life in some way or another. well mo told her that i really hadn't. she dropped out because she met another boy, and she decided to give up any future of self-exploration and got tied down by the boy.

anyway, so that was very refreshing to hear from mo that i did not ruin this girl's life, by my selfish existance. but also at the same time, i guess i was sort of always so righteous or something about how terrible of a human i used to be. and i know a lot of things i say and a lot of things i do end up holding a lot of weight to people i know. pretty sure it's because i usually am considered very realistic and kind of all-knowing, or some bullshit crap. i'm pretty sure it's also because i'm brutally honest about everything i take in. good and really bad.

so i didn't ruin libby's life.

well honestly, i did help to ruin this other girl's life. this girl named cassie that i also knew my freshman year. i think she really liked me too. but then i started dating jess and she got all wierd and jealous. then she sort of flipped out. she was always a little ecentric, but she really changed, drastically for the worse.

she told me i ruined her life, after i bumped into her at a random house party a few years removed from contact with each other.

she said she was still fucked up.

i didn't really even do anything major. my own selfish interest in another girl really hurt her. see, the good in my life causes the pain in anothers.

like i said, i'm sort of bummed i didn't really affect libby as much as i had thought. but i really do wish someone, particularly cassie, would just randomly show up at my door and tell me that i didn't ruin this girl's life. because i really think i did.

i guess i'll just continue indulge in my worrying.

posted by fillshe @ 2:51 AM