curbdrop out of grace

"would you be an outlaw for my love?"

it's morning. good mourning (ns?*)

*ns? = not spelling mistake. I put this all in bold because you'll need to remember that for the rest of your short life. so until next groundhog's day. you have one year.

i had a dream last nite that i got so pissed off at my coworkers for a joke they made about me. now they make jokes about me all the time at work because they like me and because i sort of ask for it, making jokes to everyone else.

but for some reason in the dream, i got all pissy and locked myself in the bathroom and pouted like a kid who was just told by his parents that he's not allowed to wet the bed anymore.

"but i want to sleep in my filth mommy!!"

anyway, there really have been times at work when i've been stressed from the work, and then gotten really annoyed when someone's joking to me and all i can think of as a response instead of a fake laugh (sometimes they are funny and sometimes i have to fake amusement so they know i'm not mad... long story), anyway at that point in time, sometimes all i can think of is uppercutting someone in the face or throwing my chair across the room. but i really don't get too upset about it.

and i had thought about this previous to my dream last nite. i think mylife has callaced me against insults whether serious or joking or in the form of criticism. and i think the term "callaced" is a great term because although i'm harden by my life experiences, like a callace, you can still find soft spots unprotected that catch you by suprise and that bleed. and oh, how there can be blood.

and i saw red.

and now i have to go to work rather than do what i want to do, train monkeys to support me in a rock n roll effort.

posted by fillshe @ 7:51 AM