curbdrop out of grace

are you sad from before or because before is no more?

this is in response to two people's comments. the dream thing about the teeth. i don't think it's about hidden anxiety because i think i wear my anxiety fairly well and almost daily on my face and in the emotion in my voice.

the castration fear thing? i'm a man. yes i have a castration fear. but is it any more than the average dude? nope.

am i worried about my image? yes and no. that's a difficult one. i care enough what certain people think. everyone else can body rot.

beginning of a new phase? now this might be semi true. yesterday at least throughout the day i was thinking how much i despise certain people and the situations they create. i'll be the first to say i am certain i am despised by many and also for the situations i bring on. but some people just almost made me sick yesterday. today, even feeling much more jolly, i was still super annoyed by things some people were saying and doing, especially this one coworker in particular.

i guess i just feel like i've figured out so much out the last few years and one of the final things is just understanding my place and role with the majority of the people out there. and now almost 2 years removed from college, i really know what's important and what's not. it always was "the people" but now i know which ones and which types.

that annoying coworker said yesterday, "you can always use more friends. who doesn't want more friends, or at least who doesn't want more acquaintances?"

i don't. you definition is flawed on so many levels. maybe that's why you're a fucking unhappy loser?

evan dando sang "when you got problems that you can't solve, it's enough to make you start to hate your friends." well when you hate them, that's great. but maybe they hate you just as much and maybe you shouldn't be friends with such people just as much as they shouldn't be friends with you. and maybe your problems really could be resolved if you spent your life with people more compatible with you (i was going to say more similar but that doesn't have anything to do with it). i'm now thinking of a number of people in general that i know and not just this stupid girl.

posted by fillshe @ 8:22 PM