curbdrop out of grace

it's not the lint?

mom: "you know when you bake its such a harder time to clean-up."
phil: "well, do you use tin foil?"
mom: "no i don't like tin foil because i don't like it when the chemicals go into your food, especially when you're baking, it's so hot."
phil: "what? well that's your problem, you don't use tin foil."
mom: "actually i tried something different today. i put this oil around the chicken and..."
phil: "oil? you know that that's going to cause more burning on the oven sheets..."
mom: "yeah but it tastes differently than usual."
phil: "but we were talking about cleaning, not taste."



tomorrow is father's day and he wants jelly bellies. so i will need to procure from my hated, somerset sweetfactory. i used to work there years ago before the bitterness saturated my bones and the indifference created an aura of importance.


mom: "philip, are you done?"
phil: "no, i'm still eating."
mom: "okay, well i hope when your brother graduates he finds a good job."
[phil stunned momentarily as the transition of topics has taken him by suprise]
phil: "YEAH WELL THAT'S BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVER WORK EVER!"


if my girlfriend, mistress (yeah right) or wife is ever pregnant with my child (if it's not my child, i'm killing both). wait, so if she is ever preganant and refuses to have sex with me, i'm going to be like, "bitch, you'd better mount up or else i'm gonna get my leather gloves and choke you. bitch, i was with you when you were fat."

and then i'd get down on one knee and uppercut the baby bastard.

i always didn't like it when people called someone a "bastard" as an insult because it's really not their faults at all. i mean, it's not like they choose to be a bastard. and probably, the parents were either smart or cool to not have stayed together but just =fuck.

and again, it's not like it's the bastard's fault. not like with jews. i mean, they could choose to not be jewish and converting to another silly religion.

or they could kill themselves.

posted by fillshe @ 11:47 AM