curbdrop out of grace

it's not the size of the trout, it's the motion in the ocean

when i was little, i used to talk to god about all sorts of problems. like wetting myself or placing the neighborhood cat in a microwave to watch him beg before his brain melted. god was always a great listener but was a fucking bore when it came to conversation starters. lots of awkward silences.

it was years later that i realized this sexual tension between god and myself was the cause of these frequent silences. apparently, whenever i had called up the dude to talk, he felt it necessary to jerk off to the sound of my voice. the reason he never spoke was he was too busy keeping in the moans from growing louder with each pump.

so i said "FUCK YOU GOD I'M CASTING YOU OUT OF MY HEART." and that was that. satan is a pretty cool dude anyway. he's always coming up with cool ideas like genocide and pre-mature ejaculation.

the whole notion of believing that someone hears your words is absurd. if god existed, he would be able to hear your thoughts. and so the lies and shit you say when you sing "oh come all ye faithful" and other misc. bull is transparent by your hidious inner thoughts that constantly beckon to be tamed. you want timmy's girlfriend. you want a new malibu maxx. you want to rape that supermodel you see in your mom's victoria secret's catalog. you believe hitler was right.

posted by fillshe @ 12:15 PM