curbdrop out of grace

or nothing.

god is a concept by which we measure our pain. --john lennon

i know now why my life is a mess and will continue to be until i change it.

if i don't believe in god or a higher being or a life after this one, which i don't, then i have to live life for the moment.

but i don't live life for the moment. i'm always waiting for something better, hoping for something, saving for something...

so i try to live between two lifestyles that would bring me comfort and "happiness". the struggle to make sense of my life in this limbo inbetween does not work.

so what is the net insight? i will continue to be in some sort of awkward misery. or something?

change of this magnitude is not overnite but an evolution of years and generations.

posted by fillshe @ 12:08 AM