curbdrop out of grace

gotta live in shit town

i just mowed the lawn. first time of 2005 baby. while mowing, i thought of a number of topics which i would like to discuss, given your permission.

1. i wish i had a shotgun so if some punk kids ever stepped foot in my yard, i could come out onto the porch, and yell, "get the fuck off my property". i would of course be pumping the shotty while i said the word OFF.

or maybe i'd yell, "when you came pulling in here, did you see a sign on the lawn that said 'dead nigger storage'?"

i'm pretty sure i didn't just those appostrophies properly. also that line is from pulp fiction. i'm not really racist to that race at least. or i should say not more than the normal person's subconscious.

2. i need to invest in a weed wacker as the stalks of weed (seriously/literally) that we chopped down last year are beginning to return. but then i thought, i don't care about the weeds that much and i'd rather save up for a mail-order bride.

i like some weeds though. the kind that come in baggies.

3. if you can't tell which parts of the lawn you've mowed, then you should have waited a couple more days.

4. i love how my roommate mark throws away his veggies and fruit into the lawn, in random spots. i mowed over pineapples, apples, and potatoes today. wtf.

5. i shouldn't have bought the damn lawn mower last year. i would have been better off investing in a damn cow. the cow could graze my lawn and i could nibble on her utters.

when i think of the name "bessie" i think of cows and that 6-year old girl i set on fire. oh the memories.

posted by fillshe @ 11:20 AM