curbdrop out of grace

it's all good until my head falls off

mom: "so guess how many pounds of rice i bought today?"
phil: "i don't know. twenty-five?"
mom: "no, i got a hundred today. so now we have one hundred and fifty pounds. but we eat a lot of rice."

mitch has a joke that goes something like, "rice is great if you want to eat a million of something."


phil: "mom, where did you find this lighter?"
mom: "it was inbetween the seat cushion in the living room."
phil: "oh, well it's mine from purple haze*, when i used to work there in college."
mom: "why do you have a lighter** anyway?"
phil: "err well, i had it from work before. a long time ago."
mom: "so it's a souvenier?"
phil: "yeah sure***."

*a hed shop (smoking pipes and accessories)
**lighters are used for smoking things
***no not really (please reference **)


phil: "mom, do you have one of those gift certificates from bed bath and beyond?"
mom: "yeah, what do you need to buy?"
phil: "a body pillow."
mom: "oh is that what you put on a seat to cushion?"
phil: "no that's a seat cushion."
[mom is looking over the two coupons, one for 20% off and one for $5 off]
mom: "oh, well here's two coupons, but this one expires aug. 26 and this one expires sept. 14. are you going to use it before aug. 26?"
phil: "yes i'm going to use it tomorrow."
mom: "ok well take the aug. 26 one."
phil: "you do know there's a difference between the two coupons right?"
mom: "yes, the date."
phil: "no there's another difference. are you even looking at the actual coupon portion or just the expiration date?"
mom: "just the date."
phil: "well look at what the coupon discounts are for."
mom: "i don't see."
phil: "look at the two large numbers printed on the coupons. how can you not see the two large numbers but can read the fine print for the expiration date?"
mom: "i didn't really look. oh, i guess they are different."

posted by fillshe @ 6:46 PM