I keep debating
I keep debating as to what I should be or should not be doing with the book I have at the tip of my tongue, ready to be spat out.
1st or 3rd?
Point?
Happy ending or segway to book numero dos?
That being said, I will begin to write ideas/stories (I already have SUCKERS!) but consolidate them to once space so I can find them later. The address will be under a different blogging URL: http://thingstolose.blogspot.com/
So take a picture, memorize it, write it down, bookmark. Whatever man.. Check it out every now and then when I get off the pints and get into the swing or writing.
about a ghost
I’m only asking cause I don’t know,
I’m only laughing cause I don’t know what else to do…
Each time I see you.
The smell the smoke the drag it broke the feeling you took eyes water then choke,
The pills I will fend off until my need will kill make sleep so still.
So close
So close
As I sit across from you.
So close
So close
As I steal a sign from you.
I’m only asking cause I don’t know.
I’m only hurting cause I don’t know what else to do…
Each time I remember you.
The start begins the heart the end the bends the breaks the hardest mistakes,
The mess confess is more regret as I obsess and guess what’s left.
So close
So close
As I sit across from you.
So close
So close
As I steal a sign from you.
I hate waking up to days like this.
I hate waking up to days like this.
Will it work out in the end?
I’m only asking cause I don’t know.
dying with your arms crossed
I'm not happy today. Or as Cori put it on friday, I'm not happy ever.
That's not true but that's her interpretation. I am sure she sees many of the worst parts in me. Partially due to circumstance and largely due to addictions.
My brain is static electricity on steroids. I'm about to blow with the thunder and noise of oblivion. It's all too much.
This reminds me that I stopped taking my meds a while back, like 3 weeks ago. Or more? It's probably not a great idea to stop cold. But I started accidently and then was like, why not.
Tonite is why. It's not that bad but there's something wierd and fucked up. I almost want to bang a needle into the back of my brain.
Cori spoke of my blog on Friday. Billy spoke of it a bit ago. I started a new one but that is for my art. Hopefully one day the art will be for you.
As I listen to Sigur Ros to try and calm the frenzie, I think about the familiarity of fleeting feelings whirling and twirling for a second go around... The first cut is the deepest but the second still hurts.
I "accidently" found Katie sluts' myspace page. I sort of was curious and started looking. 6 degrees of separation and such. Sure enough, I found it. She's dating some loser. She is a loser. I hope her well... but I also wish she'd choke. It's amazing how time doesn't heal all wounds.
Is it easier to forgive if you mask it by forgetting? Is it easier to not care and be a machine through the darkness?
Listening to sigur ros at this moment is like dying with your arms crossed. Go down in apathy and disregard.
I need a cig like I need a whole lot of your opinion.
If you don't think you're good for me... if you think you're fucking crazy, then you shouldn't bring it up at a party when I'm not asking or thinking. I didn't tell you this when you were sober to understand and listen... Maybe you'll read this now. Don't worry. Look at me at this moment. Look at a picture from yesterday. Read my palms and read my future. I'm too fucked to fucking be with anyone that I would be willing to hold hands with in a hospital on my death bed. This is me dying with my arms crossed.
xoxo
tonite the room is frantic,
the mood is so romantic,
cross eyed hopes this winter long,
dragging through the calms,
your sweaty palms and suburban blues,
but you left us all behind,
your suicide you had to move,
forgotten how we are,
we went too far now watch me fall.
your eyes are so sarcastic,
i called and tried to ask it,
when are you coming back?
these days i can't forget,
the cigarettes still whisper you,
up above the plastic stars.
beneith the bars procrastinate blues,
forgotten how we are,
we went too far now watch me fall.
association with
today i tried
tomorrow i'll die
and when you cry
remember the line
it always works out in the end
don't try and pretend
the things that won't be
you are getting wet
when you play wait and see
don't
additional verses to path to the lake
i feel so cold
about to explode
the girl that i choose
the love that i've known.
only one way out.
the moment i froze
the weakness i showed
the door that is closed
the commitment i owe.
never say i love you
the times that you are awake
fall asleep then you say
the words that you cannot take
back in the hole you've made
the home that is your grave
the guilt you cannot shake
to the path to the lake
