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a new comp, any?

so first day back and it was a terror. cancellations, new shit, catch-up, throw-up, etc etc etc and more shit to hit the fan to come in the coming days.

i just get bored now. that's all. before it was both.

i'm tired. i ate two pickles thinking that would stir me up. but nothing.

waiting for the bubble to burst. i wonder what you're wearing.

box is coming this friday. i don't know if i'll have recovered. i wonder if the mono test will return? i wonder if my mind if my body if my light is constipated?

i won the lottery today.

dude, my perscription drug has got me so stoned. i was taking a shit in my blue tiled bathroom and tripping to the thought waves up and up and up and dowwwwwwn.

i don't really know, but i think tommy hearns just said on national tv (during the piston's game) that he is going to seek the heavy weight boxing title. i'm pretty sure he will drop out of training, barkley style.

piston's are whupping on kobe + yags.

i decided to rip more cds that i currently physically possess in chicago onto my computer. i found some gems that i totally thought were with billy/troy, MI:

1. pearl jam - vitalogy
2. war of the worlds, soundtrack - disc 1 (not stupid tom cruise version)
3. yo la tengo - painful
4. broken social scene - feel good lost
5. death cab for cutie - the photo album
6. beulah - yoko
7. the reindeer section - y'all get scared now, ya hear!
8. the black keys - rubber factory
9. 2 live velvet underground shows (3 cds total)

bad first date

looks like someone's clinging for survival

double c philosophy

cammie, i bet you'll soon become a vegatarian

ain't that the truth. rape her.

mmmmmmmm Mecca, how you tempt me.

maybe my favorite impersonation of a stillborn EVER!

i want to poopie all over this blonde

mayer with my camera

3rd wheel jane

dig into that coat rack

boss's ex girl katie lee

two-ply swat

YAHOO!

mayer's new favorite pose

yeah she didn't like this picture

chicago sunday morn

inbetween dusk and dawn, during a momentarily collapse in reasoning, with the changing of the guards, i let myself think of you for a pin-point, and then i lock you back in our cage.

things of eve

i am eating a pickle right now because i dared myself to. so i did, to spite myself.

double or nothing? you're on.

and the kimball bus to take me to belmont never came. so i hiked it.

on the belmont bus to home there were two groups of highschoolers.
one group composed of dudes with one guy looking like a teenage vampire. he wasn't goth, but he just looked like a teenage vampire.
second group composed of 3 teenage girls and 2 teenage boys. one of the boys thought he was so clever because he was making fun of jared, the subway commercial guy. i was like, "dude, i've been making fun of jared since you were still shitting in your mama's womb." then i pulled out my glock and spat fire into their eyes.

such is the sun sucking dry

sometimes i'm on and sometimes i'm fucking spotlight on. other times i'm less talk and more action. these are the moments of instinct and fate. fuck fight or flight we shall fight.

other times i'm just about the raw fuck. no other language or action could exist, except me ramming myself into your fat stoma.

sometimes i still have the call of a cigarette haunting me. i try and make a deal with myself: if you let me have just one smoke, i will let you do whatever you want with my body.
and i reply: fuck you. if i apply myself i can get ass 10 times fancier than your pauper shit.

open house today and i don't really look forward. because most people are losers, i'm only expecting to meet more people i never wished to meet. yes that sounds pessimistic but so does catholocism: don't do anything fun ever or you will go to hell. do what we tell you to do and think what we tell you to think or you will forever be raped by zombie-demons.

i'm hungry. i was hungry last nite. i haven't had appetite in a long while, not really since the sickness. hunger for food is often miscalculated for hunger for flesh or hunger for drugs. out of the three, all 3 consumptions often involves vomitting. what a strange little coincidence.

i don't recall if i stated this last nite but i came home and there was fucking cat shit in the middle of the hall. i am pretty sure i did not step in any of it core or any of the residue but who knows. the principle of it all is that if i ever do, someone will need to send me a "get out of jail free card" for i will have murdered that bitch ass.

i'll sci-fi your face off kid.

so i rented matrix 3. it would have cost $15 to but it from best buy or $60 to buy the entire boxed set. seeing how i only wanted to watch 3 and didn't really want any of the other movies (i own 2 because Entertainment Weekly sales rep had previously given to me back years ago). actually, animatrix was pretty sweet because it's cartoons and shit. i think they call it anime, but without that porn stuff involved.

so i went to the corner video store and got a membership. that place is mighty ghetto. they don't give you membership cards. you just give them your phone number. they also don't charge you upfront for the rental. they charge you when you return the flick. and there is no drop box. so you have to drop off when during store hours.

immediately upon entering i knew it was ghetto because the sections went in this order:
1. comedy
2. new releases
3. drama
4. gay/lesbian
5. sci-fi/horror
6. previously used, for sale

what kind of order is that? Melville Dewey* must be jerking off a storm in his grave.

also i'm pretty sure the clerk was on dope. not that i judge, but it was obvious. he looked like joe's friend travis. travis is a good man. his ex-girlfriend maggie
was way too hot for him though. and then she finally realized. and now his life is in shambles, but i guess that is partially due to hanging out with joe all the time. god bless them both (meaning nothing at all as there is no god).

*as in the guy who invented the Dewey Decimal system.

i am ham

today's special: buy one mid-life crisis kit, recieve a second kit for free*!

*must be equal or lesser value

i am ham

today's special: buy one mid-life crisis kit, recieve a second kit for free*!

*must be equal or lesser value

off with it on with quit

ok, so seriously clark, i'm stoned right now but i didn't do anything except quit smoking and start taking my perscription drugs again.

oh and i'm still technically recovering from the bird flu*

but i'm tripping out. when one quits smoking and starts to get more oxygen flow to the brain, it can cause a drowsiness/lightheadedness sensation. also, when i first started taking my perscription drugs, i had this similar sensation.

i'm not sure the cause but it's not a complaint, just a statement. it probably doesn't help that i'm listening to yo la tengo which is completely stoner rock. current song is "stay away from heaven" (ddl).

*really some illness doctor gordon assessed me with but i forget what it really was

all you got is a pretty chest

i'm not positive why my right shoulder and neck are so still. it's like someone injected it with viagra.

so i woke up this morning to the sound of my stupid asian housemate screaming. why? who knows. because she's fucking stupid. because i have yet to cut out her fucking tongue.

this was at 6:30am. it's saturday, why would you need to get up this morning to bark, you stupid bitch?

and then i was awake. i had slept most of the past few days. my body was stiff and sore yet i remained laying there. again, it was 6:30am, what would i possibly do if i got up? so i laid there for another 2 hours, dozing in and out.

when i woke up again, it was to the sound of the same stupid girl but this time she was coughing. and as i laid there i could picture how she was not attempting to cover her mouth during her coughs. i imagined her in the kitchen coughing on the food she was going to serve or perhaps even coughing on the ants and cockroaches, to get them to scatter from the rotting food she's left on the counter for days.

i would rape-kill-rape-dumpster her but she's an ugly asian so i would have to reduce to just kill-dumpster.

i'm going to try and purchase the aristocrats and matrix 3 today. i will have to prolong watching the aristrocrats further because i have found when i'm sick, i don't laugh. it's not that i don't because i'm in a tired grumpy mood. i just physically cannot laugh.

stupid bitch kim west told me last nite that trinity dies and neo does not in 3. i hate her. i already knew that from overhearing previous conversations when the movie had come originally come out in theatres but time and caused my memory to fade so her reminder then indeed remind. duh.

i'm counting cards i'm counting sheep i'm counting names,
i'm counting crows i'm counting pills i'm counting days,
it's not the say they're different cause they are the same,
but somehow i must look ahead at still remains.

the rows of homes like rows of stones marking every grave,
every cross around necks or loss marks another saved,
if this is justice then i don't want this to be my faith,
the suburban life just another lie no one wants to face.

the mile markers speeding past too blurry to see,
but the road we're on i know by heart by memory,
you're half asleep curled quiet in the passenger seat,
we're almost home where arms of sleep await for me.

yo no comprendo but i am pretty sure dief tagged this

hung when you're awake

so i just finished watching the second movie of the day. and i'm sleepy and bored still. and hazy. but i don't know if the haze is from this new medication. first day, we'll see.

i don't think i've mentioned this before but some web servers are classifying my website as "adult content". so if you search "fillshe" and click the link, sometimes something like "web nanny" or some other catholic-government bullshit. apparently a message came up of the sort earlier this week when billy tried to access my humor database at his bank computer. access denied. no soup for you.

do not pass go do not collect $200.

the movie i watched earlier this afternoon was happy gilmore. i still use this quote all the time, which no one EVER has gotten the reference:
"gold jack green jack who gives a shit." i say it when i really don't think it's a big deal about whatever other people think is a big deal. maybe you haven't heard me use it before but believe me, i use it at least once every 10 days. so look for.

and i just watched the matrix 2. which makes me now want to watch the matrix 3. i know what you're thinking, 3 came out like 3 years ago, how have you still not seen it. well i haven't. i still haven't seen your mom's penis even i know it's been there for 30 years. fucking dick-dyke.

adult content? why would they block me for such a made up shite?

so seriously, i need to watch matrix 3. and i'm so lazy (how lazy are you?) i'm so lazy i won't walk to the corner movie rental place to rent. i'd rather just go to best buy tomorrow, as planned and pick up the probably crapful movie for $10. it cannot cost more than $10 right?

the thing about matrix 2 that i didn't like was how the architech guy or whatever his name is, the creater of the matrix, the old white dude with a full white beard, looked the way he looked. that's lame. maybe the directors could have had a sense of humor and made the guy look like jesus. or alanis morraset.

i'm glad i misspelled her fucking name.

i'm definitely shaking

prasad and i once talked about this, i'm not sure why, but it's true:

if you're sick and you orgasim, you run risk of getting worse. if it seemed like you were getting better, you will now reverse the flow and so on.

i followed this point this week and behaved and so hopefully this sickness will not linger nearly as long as it quite possibly could.

my shoulder seems really fucked up today. while at the doctor's yesterday for my fever, i also took x-rays of my shoulder. i hope to get sign-off to see a chiropracter. i need to re-align my shoulder. when the doctor asked me how long it's been, i thought long and hard and finally gave up, guessing 6 months. it may have been a few years as far as i know. i told her that my shoulder/upper back flares up when i drink, which seemed wierd. doc agreed. but it's true. and i remember junior year of college at chamber's watching game 7 of wings vs avs where wings won like 8 to 1 and chamber's had to sit outside entire game because he is evil luck to wings. that nite, we drank and my back hurt so bad i ended up laying upstairs on the floor in utter agony. blah. was that the same issue back then?

although working typically sucks, it does lend itself to the weekend which is full of release and relief. but this round, i am sick and should behave. and will. but i'm already bored... and tired. so the question is, would i rather work and then have the weekend to enjoy, or would i rather not work and be sick for most of the work week but then have to stay in on the weekend too. obviously there is another ultimate scenario but given only those two, i think i would take the former. because i am bored. sleep is good if you're an infant. drink is better if you're a common person. i ain't no baby.

"cockroaches are so cute." that is the quote of the year. my fucking french faggot roommate said that in response to my other roommate Jeane telling him the cockroaches in the kitchen need to be terminated. what is wrong with you?

i quit smoking a few days ago. i keep feeling like i should get 1 smoke now, here or there or anywhere or something. it's hard to quit cold turkey. i, in fact, still have a few packs duck gave me. so what to do. what if i just smoke one? i'm sick but i doubt 1 cig will make me worse. dilema.

your brainstems are cute.

larionov was always overrated.

fever update: 100.4

more drugs than i should

i'm not dead
this isn't happening

love is like a cornshit. sometimes it hurts. kernal and all.

so i haven't blogged in a long time. reasoning is multi-fold.
1. seeing someone new and have spent much time outside of office with
2. been sick

speaking of the latter, i have set a personal best this morning for fever temp, at 103.7 F. Fuck you johnny 103. now there's a phily 103.

i feel like shit and didn't work today. and i won't be tomorrow either. i went to the doctors and hopefully they will have results of my blood work soon, for i fear i may have contracted mono or some other wierd shit.

and i quit smoking a few days ago. my throat hurts. this kind of happened on accident, coinciding with the illness. but whatever works and motivates right?

so a million little pieces or whatever the fuck is the new bible. controversy up the ass. who cares if it's real or not real. that's the point, it's what you take from it and make it your own that is important. and again, i'm speaking on both books. that's what i learned from the buddha.

tylenol pm is kicking in so i will sleep now by the fire

river okkervil

red is like the passion
blue is like the feeling
green is like the seasons
black is like the courage
white is like the haunting
clear is like the future

if we spent all nite in each other's arms would you want to resume in the morning light?

b.l.u.e.s. was fun as usual. confusion is a crowd of mis-matched bodies swaying back and forth to beats and riffs. going home but not alone. and actually not my home.

they added a harmonica player. stroke it to the east.

i spent way too much money again for my own good this weekend, like the last and the previous before that. but the novacaine must be paid and my mind my get laid so i stay out until satisfied for the time being.

not sure what will come of this week. but i'm not worried or discouraged or hurry. it will be a choose your own adventure. i tried to cheat and held finger on page while skimming ahead but all i saw were blank white papers. appears it's yet to be written.

seattle references again today and last nite which is interesting. this is the third in recent developments. i wish duck had gotten his job offering out there. would make things, easier.

i want to visit and i want to live and i want to try but i don't want to waste.

and clear is like the future

poems are meant to mean nothing

so it appears i underestimated the elements

i sure could use a cool liter of fanta right about now.

i went to a chinese resturant months ago with cori. afterwards, the fortune said "seek advice from an octogenarian." we didn't know what that meant and the waitress did not speak english well.

an octogenarian is someone in his or her eighties. just found this out. great. i'm sure his or her advice would be, don't live this long because i'm in a wheel chair and i cannot get wood.

when i went outside a bit ago, there was a group of sorority like girls waiting to eat at the orange. i wanted to kick them in the teeth after listening to them talk. they remind me of children, but they aren't cute. they are just pains.

it's pleasantly nice outside today despite the remnants of blizzards. tonite will be great at the blues club. i am excited.

and summer vegas too.

there's a gun in my pocket and a figure in the air and all i want to care is to blow you to the stares

i don't heart snowstorms

so i don't think i adequately responded to this letter you wrote yesterday. so here goes nothing (me):

"can not" is spelled "cannot" there also technically is no such word as "can't". not because it's a contraction, but because there just isn't. it's new slang, shins style.
but as you requested, i will forgive your errors

technicalities, shite i know they suck. sorry.

i don't care about jesus and his sandle. it's god damn (pun intended) winter. he needs to be wearing ug's or furry sandles.

i'm too lazy to drink more water that my body cries out for. i'm too lazy to masterbate now.

i was also supposed to watch i heart with this other girl i dated, back in detroit days. but we never saw while we dated. i did take her to see life aquatic. after the movie, during the date, we sat in the theatre and i leaned in for a kiss. we had already done much necking previously. she resisted so i pulled back. i asked, "hey what's the matter." she said,"i don't want to kiss you." and it's fine she said that. but it just seemed so wierd during the date after having gone several dates with lots of other things.

i heart petrolium. i forget his obsession with it. except he refuses to ride in the fire truck. i don't know what i believe in. i tell people i am agnostic but it is because it's easier to say than atheist. i'm not atheist, i'm just not even close to anything material. i just believe in me. yoko and me.

normal=mcdonaldsboring. i need new.

pound your hands into the bus seat

it's amazing the number of cigarettes one can smoke before vomitting. i did not vomit last nite but one more would have sent me to the baths.

there might be new people coming to visit this place today. i hope they are all hot and boyfriendless and will help take care of the kitchen.

most people might not have realized this, but the ABC song is the same tune as twinkle twinkle. what a childhood rip off.
how about making a new song out of that same lame tune:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18
19 20 21
22 23 24
25 26 27
now i know how to count to 27
next time won't you suck a cheetah's dick?

human being = human bean

dudes, i'm so hammered right now it's one of those type of posting that i do with my eyes closd so hopefully my spidey sense will allow me to not have typos and not have missspellings and still be the bad ass that i ultimately am,.

bulls lost tonite in overtime or doubleovertime or who cares.

i ate my first fucking big mac ever today, based on the fact that the supdid fucking bulls scored `100 points on tuesdady's game.

maybe i will meet my future rooommates tomrorosow. or atleast send off this stipid malfucntioning dell cd and dv player/burner.

okay enough with teh closed eyes time to hibernate.

goodbye will and gavce and fauckstick impersonators.

do you ever scream into wells?

i want to be a writer. my ideal job is to write, while taking care of the kids. that sounds so lame and blah but that is what i want. if i ever get it, i'm sure i will no longer want.

things i own branded google:
1. google blanket
2. google hat
3. google pens
4. google radio
5. a blog on blogger

i thought there was more. maybe there is more or maybe it is an illusion from thinking and talking and spitting google all day long.

i once wrote a short story that was pretty funny. it was about my love life in college, so how could it not be funny? of course there was a tragic ending: i had hope.

the beginning was ripped off lennon's song "god". the beginning went like this:
"love is a concept by which we measure our pain."

i lost the short story when my hard drive crashed. i lost everything. my advice to you is this: back up everything. whether it be old song demos or poems, pictures, or your heart. back it all up. you don't know when things go poof.

there are bugs in my kitchen. i told the two fucker roommates of mine to clean up their shit because bugs will crawl over leftovers and infest my soul. they didn't listen. then i wrote it down for them, being a bastard like roommate like that. they did not take the hint. so now i'm going to move out when i figure out where to move. i could move closer to yuppie ville, north or south of where i live now. or i could move west to where indie-yupies and hipsters hide. or i could move back to good old detroit and buy a house. or i could jump into lake michigan.

i write like this when i'm not fucked up, like now. is this not normal thought process? what is normal? maybe i have a chance as a writer as this is hard stuff to come up with, this style or genre of trapazoid-thought? would you buy a book i wrote? goodnite.

i counted the stars on your pupil

i just watch a movie called "old boy". it is an asian flick. i watched it with english subtitles. i wonder if it's true, what my coworker (who gave me the dvd copy) said. he said it was to be made into an americanized flick.

it would be pretty bad ass if it were.

truth be told, the movie was great. it would have been greater if:
1. i hadn't had to look at 50 asian fuck faces. i hate asians.
2. if it were in english so i could just enjoy the movie rather than have to read. but it was worth the read.

there were a lot of great lines in the movie. one was something like:

"whether sand or stone, all sink the same in water."

something like that.

another was:

"though i'm no better than a beast, do i not deserve to live?"

i'm listening to "the stars" now. they are alright. but a lot of people i've met recently really like them and i think they are coming to chicago.

tomorrow i have to wake very early to attend this shitty cuv meeting. certified used vehicles. great.

i laugh when i see you walk in,
my eyes just one of a dozen,
every bar in this town needs a whore,
your shirt is on way too tight,
and your make up is way too bright,
but the drunks they get in line.

recycled smiles when you flirt,
watered down they're no longer worth,
a single minute of my wasted life,
but you're the only girl around,
who will humor me in this crowd
so i order another round.

it's almost predictable,
certainly laughable,
all the men you don't know,
for the money they've blown,
your number in their phones,
all the men you'll take home,
and you won't be lonesome,
because you will be with some,
some momentary guy.

on the contrary, i believe you are dead.

so before bed, i like to wonder what content is on various websites. it's ridiculous i know.

www.god.com wasn't worth it. don't check it out unless you doubt my awesomeness. in which case, each shit and choke.

this site, on the contray is awesome, considering the URL and all the Harry Potter content.

i did this search for goldbond. check out the first link baby. franchises and millionare bastards rule!

too bad i had to try.

i was hoping for a youth group website on this.

rock out with your AIDS out

colin farrel, will farrel i don't give a fuck. i make up my own jokes. i make up my own quotes.

so i went to the bulls vs. knicks game tonite. mayer had you answered your phone tonite when i called i would have gotten you a free ticket. fuck. OT baby and my ticket is now worth a big mac. too bad mig mac's are for big fucks.

the borthas are talking about this girl. i'm not sure what her shirt says exactly because letter's are cut out but i'm pretty sure it says fuck-tease.

today was fine and the game made it great. i guess that's how it goes?

back off mem

it's cheap of you to smile that way to me

i'm pretty sure they are fucking right now and i can hear it above. i would have gone to sleep an hour ago but i can't stop hearing. the fucking neighbors will pay as will all my ex-loves and ex-fucks someday.

i think any host offering the gesture to guest with words "do you want something to drink" or a varation such as "can i offer you a drink" should be consciously prepared to supply something alcoholic.

i don't mind the walk there it's the walk home that seems far.

i wish i could understand the sigur ros language. i am currently listening to "hufupukar". this is what i imagine:

painful bliss.
mornful wish.
pounding lips.
and heroes die from suicide.

tomorrow will be nice if i see.

aweful paper towels stand tall like sound

i'm just killing libido before i fall asleep

is it possible to be asexual? kate told me on the radio this morning, she heard someone talk about how he is asexual to both men and women.

obviously it's not the biological term of asexual which means reproduction through one's self.

but this means not having libido at all, and in this person's case, for men and/or women.

and apparently this guy was miserable because every time a girl wanted to fuck, he felt like he wasn't into her because he didn't want to fuck or be fucked. he just wanted to be.

i had always thought that it would be a blessing to not have a libido, so i wouldn't want for fuck fests and i wouldn't worry about that deal, about that aspect of life. which for men, consumes 90% or more of time and mind. but maybe it would suck? i don't know. i'm not convinced until i try it. how to try? maybe burn off my gonads with a forest fire?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. all work and no play makes phil a blue balled boy.

i wonder if pat and kate will read this. i hate you two for getting engaged before i died.

neurotic zones errotic tones

things that bleed:

1. whales
2. puppies, particularly pugs
3. herpies exposed to radiation
4. fire
5. phony jesus (christ)
6. broken social scenes
7. markers
8. agony
9. steaks
10. hands on a wall clock

that is a poem i wrote for you two. i'm sorry i'm not good at rhyme schemes.

a new crush

i found beauty in a new beautiful face,
i can't forget how you looked memorable today,
as i kill meaning try to store feelings away,
but land markers return me to this place,
this time karma worked in a favorable way,
and home doesn't seem so far across the lake.

you look silly when you don't know what to say,
you smile behind the shelter you create,
i look silly when i wish there was more i would face,
then you laugh at how ridiculous i behave,
i said nothing in a different way,
but this time all the bastards fell in place,

you did nothing in a beautiful way,
an the cold breath evaporated in your grace,
i want to see you and my eyes can barely wait,
tomorrow sun will come screaming in today.
it's too cold out tonite to wait for an awkward kiss,
but i will see you in the morning if i wake,

before darkness i always indulge in my mistakes,
for the sex is only good after foreplay.

i dreamt of a camera

so far i have recieved all-around pleasant compliments of my new hair cut. except from this one skirt who is a stylist and knew my hair was uneven. but who cares. she's just a girl.

i'm stuck on this song called "fools" off the new nada surf cd. it's on the limited edition bonus version. very phil-like, if you're wondering how it sounds.

so it occured to me that billy still has all my cds which would make it difficult to pre-create bad ass johnny mixes for the trip we're to take in a month. i don't actually even feel like skiing at all, but i'm pretty sure with the following equation that it will be a ridiculously good time:

johnny+joe+oldcrow+mayer+billy+patton+phil+whocaresabouttheotherpeople=devistation&vomit.

sometimes it's so obvious that it's silly and stupid. but i still play along just to see if there will be a suprise ending. i'm going over now and we'll see what happens. i can already predict this weekend will end in personal awkwardness in my half due to putting multiple women that i have varying motives in the same fucking situation. part 1 is tonite and we'll see how foolish i can be.

and the headstones climbed up the hills.

loitering

facing home

the concrete beach i sat at

the city, literally by the lake

i forgot PTI existed

i was going to begin watching this film called "meeting people is easy", about radiohead. however i turned on the tv to find a blast of the past that i had long forgotten. pti is on next after this other around the horn shit show or whatever the jesus it's called.

so while i'm waiting for the show to start, i will occupy my life by typing what it says on this radiohead film box:

if you have been rejected many times in your life, then one more rejection isn't going to make much difference. if you're rejected, don't automatically assume it's your fault. the other person may have several reasons for not doing what you are asking her to do: none of it may have anything to do with you. perhaps the person is busy or not feeling well or genuinely not interested in spending time with you. rejections are part of everyday life. don't let them bother you. keep reaching out to others. keep reaching out to others. when you begin to receive positive responses then you are on the right track. it's all a matter of numbers. count the positive responses and forget about the rejections.

that was written in transpotting fashion along the inside of the box.

this is on the back of said box, typos and spacings kept true:

drift all you want fromocean to ocean.search the whole world. but drunken confessions and hijacked affairs will just make yumore Alone.if you come home ill bake youa Cake made of all their yeyesi wish you coould seeme dressd for the Kill.what a nastySURPRISE.unplug thephone.stop all the taps.itall comes flooding back.from poison cloud to poisoned dwarf>>>what a nastydulkbhs SURPRISE.the wormsll come for you big boots.

stolen and crowned

idiots walked off hand in hand,
fingers to the air,
to the victors,
go the girls.

nausia constricting at the neck,
foaming from the fact,
the gravity,
in the world.

happily ever after,
happily forever after,
happily ever after.

the concrete beach the concrete sand,
cold against my breath,
the giant lie,
around my neck.

back to rooms of meaningless,
my gold-plated world,
the locks click,
lay in bed.

happily ever after,
happily forever after,
happily ever after.

relative phase

i'm going to journey down to the beach now and walk along the lake.

i might just jump in. and drown, in honor of this black holiday.

if i die, billy will you please take care of my blog?

also, make sure goldbond doesn't try to skull fuck my corpse.

over and doubt

milky and quiet
my secrets collided
i won't try to fight it
i'll not try deny it
the universe laughed at
while miracles spat at
decisions that mapped back
to errors i once passed
and oh dear where have the ships sailed today?
and oh wierd how you have your nerve on to blame.

silky and suspect
and way out of context
signs i should expect
to ends i will connect
the polish of fingers
bring, ring, and the eager
we mimic the singers
as we howl in our fevers
and oh dear where have the ships sailed today?
and oh wierd how you have your nerve on to blame.

thirsty confused
my distraction my moods
the force so i choose
the bluest of moons
the ambulance roars
the sentences bore
the heart beats once more
for the faces before
and oh dear where have the ships sailed today?
and oh wierd how you have your nerve on to blame

dont' stop believing

if i have to listen to the "i have a dream" speech one more time i will asassinate that fucker's ass who says it.

i'm so intoxicated right now i could marry a catholic.

the guy tonite was ridiculous. i wanted to punch him so hard in the face that he would lose self-esteem for becoming both ugly in the soul and in the face. i wanted to make him a mind-crip.

he just kept saying the wrong things. and when he didn't say anything, i wanted to make him same something to put more logs on the open fire.

if god made guns then surely his design was for me to pick one up and blast his lights low.

and walking is great in chicago when it's not cold or gold outside. i'd rather have been a pirate but walking ain't so bad.

i have new friends and new skin so the demand for understanding bull-poo is no longer a true reason to lesson.

i walked home tonite because i expect a pick-up tomorrow. it's so annoying but oh well.

if you don't like to hear the rants of lunatics then cease to place yourself around the documentaries of my life.

and fuck off for on the first day, god created fucking up.
on the second day, god created atheists.
on the third day, god created hitler.
on the fourth day, god created time, which made the fourth day the first.
and on the real second day, god created jesus.
on the real third day, god created skull fucking.
on the real fourth day, god created dinosaurs and fossil fuels.
on the real fifth day, god created sex and the city, aka the bible and hell.
on the real sixth day, god created the beef burrito, with guac and bird flu.
on the real seventh day, god created morning wood. man, he did so to help out his brothers get laid in the morn. what a great god.

what a great fucking slut god.

cast
your
nets
out
to
sea
cast
your
nets
out
to
see
the
sand
the
wind
the
air
commands
demands
recognition
of
beauty

i wanted to steal this too but i had to settle for a picture

one if not the most ridiculous nite ever

i made jane a mixed cd and she painted this from inspiration

this was from the same nite nora wanted to steal the stuffed wolverine

curbdrop out of grace

Monday, January 30, 2006

Watch Video:

a new comp, any?

Sunday, January 29, 2006

i won the lottery today.

things of eve

such is the sun sucking dry

Saturday, January 28, 2006

i'll sci-fi your face off kid.

i am ham

i am ham

off with it on with quit

all you got is a pretty chest

Friday, January 27, 2006

hung when you're awake

i'm definitely shaking

Thursday, January 26, 2006

more drugs than i should

Sunday, January 22, 2006

river okkervil

Saturday, January 21, 2006

poems are meant to mean nothing

i don't heart snowstorms

pound your hands into the bus seat

Friday, January 20, 2006

do you ever scream into wells?

i counted the stars on your pupil

Thursday, January 19, 2006

on the contrary, i believe you are dead.

rock out with your AIDS out

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

back off mem

aweful paper towels stand tall like sound

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

neurotic zones errotic tones

a new crush

i dreamt of a camera

Monday, January 16, 2006

i forgot PTI existed

stolen and crowned

relative phase

over and doubt

dont' stop believing

Sunday, January 15, 2006

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