so yes, i am a scientist... a scientist of love.
This is a quote from Nick Best: "The facebook at UofM has Troy ranked 3rd as most popular hometowns behind Ann Arbor and Detroit.... sweet"
not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing that people from Troy are fucking losers. Loooooosers.
I'm so hungry now I could eat a stillborn.
my throat hurts so bad i'm not sure if this is somehow someone's sign confirming i should not be gay. and so i'm not.
cammie you've been missing. hiss.
if you have company crashing in your room, then hitting the snooze button multiple times is asking to get hit multiple times in the face with me fits and wits.
you know what make a pirate more bad ass? a parrot on it's shoulder. go ahead and fuck with a pirate but the parrot will toss your shit out.
somehow zsa zsa thinks white trash is a bad term to say but how no problem calling people emo-fags. not that there's anything wrong with either but it's just interesting.
new and improved balls! that's right i have a new and improved sack that is scratch and sniff. want to try?
holocaust: 1 million, mcdonalds: 1 trillion
i love that pickup line squirrel told me back in the day of "what's your favorite dinosaur."
the day someone answers something like "roy" or "not the momma, the momma, not the momma" i'm going to blow my load all over said girls adam's apple
so duck is back home
so my mustache is absolutely sick now. it's been a week since i last shaved. the mustache isn't just facial hair. rather, it's a social-economical statement against the boundaries or racism, money-ism, and poop.
yep.
i hope everyone women who looks at my hideousness aspires to keep their own mustaches at bay.
once i started filling out
this is my favorite Doctor Box posting of all time. He seems funny for once, but in a non-funny sort of way.
having a mustache is great in some respects. finally while browsing at the salvation army, i feel like i belong. no more judgemental eyes.
i finally get my deserved street cred from the tri-ads.
and women now think i'm 19, verses 18.
i think they need to stop working on a cure for cancer and begin working on developing some sort of pill that makes guy's sperm taste like chocolate. just a thought.
i don't know how many castles i crumbled tonite
my right brain always raining
while my left brain always racing
ch. 2 killing yourself slowly by living 12.27.05
"it's complicated." that's what she told me. "it's fucking complicated."
complicated is long division. complicated is a 5000 piece puzzle who's picture is of 100 identical flowers. complicated is the opposite of simple. and simple never happens. everything always seems so fucking complicated.
what is this ranting about? what is this injustice about? i don't even know anymore.
i moved to chicago because i no longer want anything or have any specific goals. yes i want to meet women and yes i want to make friends that will leave valuable impressions on my open mind. yes, of course i want to do something positive career wise. but i don't really know anymore.
my parent's asked, "what do YOU want for christmas." the answer is, "nothing." and this will continue to be my mindset until something obvious happens.
moving to the big city was a huge step for me. visiting back home offers clarity in the fact that this was absolutely necessary. not that i don't love my friends, but i hate my family. my bastard brother (well technically not a bastard) got upset at me today because i asked him to clean a mess. he was reaching over at the dinner table and dropped shit all over my placemat. he proceeded to grab a napkin and then sat back down. i looked over at him.
"are you going to wipe that up?"
he just looked at me with his ugliness and made grunting noises to project how difficult it was to get up and get a napkin for the fucking mess he made. i know, this is a minor incident but it's the story of my life. my life is a series of minor incidents.
so what next. this girl i met has a number of life goals like living in the city for a full year. i don't know if i'll be here another day or until i finally shoot myself in the face. i don't know what i'm looking for. is this it? maybe that's what i'm trying to find: the ultimate realization that this is indeed all there is. and if this is true, after my enlightenment, everything will still be the same. but then it's a new matter to make things of it. work with what you got or kill yourself trying i guess.
i guess. i don't know. i just guess a lot these days.
it's complicated. i'm fucking complicated.
there are people who lie wide awake,
while you're dreaming like a fool,
and the insomnia is killing ya,
like the boys' indifference used to.
there is carnal pleasure in the way,
that you never accept their help,
they never helped you then so once again
you'll be patching up life yourself.
and i'm fucking sorry if i say,
anything that's out of line,
on my horse my corpse recommends the course,
as if i had been riding all this time.
next time you see me will you cry,
will i make you realize,
will i change a thing or do i lack meaning,
within the beauty of your eyes.
love is a kind of fakeness,
a feeling bruised and naked,
it's not so hard to disregard a chestful of shattered parts.
love is a kind of fakeness,
a feeling bruised and naked,
you came along then you were gone and you proved it all along.
there are people growing lonely now and i say,
that it's harder to be on your own,
know the hunger for something a little more,
becomes aparent when i return home.
there are people who keep praying while you laugh,
at the silliness of lies,
their naive faith is strong so they hold on,
as if there's a meaning to this life.
the disease is so aparent now and it's been spreading,
it'll double by next year,
and chances are you won't be a star,
at least not shine anywhere near here.
in the end of the story you will decide,
all decisions due in time,
you have one life so make the choice that's right,
and separately i will make mine.
love is a kind of fakeness,
a feeling bruised and naked,
it's not so hard to disregard a chestful of shattered parts.
love is a kind of fakeness,
a feeling bruised and naked,
you came along then you were gone and you proved it all along.
my shitty mustache and chin hair to date (last shaved friday 12.23.05 
king kong review
so i saw king kong today with my family. good way to kill time while still recieving credit for hanging with the family. i didn't really know what to think of the movie going in. i just knew it was about 3+ hours long or the length of one ron jeremy sex scene. i will not attempt to give a professional, objective review of king kong (2005). if you haven't seen the movie yet and don't want details revealed, then please stop reading on and go to another cool site.
i can sum up king kong in one word: pussy
"king" kong is the tale of some overgrown gorilla nicknamed by honkies "kong" because the better names "godzilla" and "tucan sam" were already taken. kong is played by ex-new york knicks superstar patrick ewing. little known fact, ewing had to grow an additional 500 lbs. of hair for his role in this movie. also to help get into character, ewing actually bathed.
so the story starts off with some blonde hair blue eyed skirt almost becoming some sort of whore. instead, she is convinced by some douche bag, played by jack black (best known for saying "a cossssbee sweater" in high fidelity, for punting the dog off the bridge in anchor man, and being misreferenced in indie-music conversations about pixies frontman frank black). by the way, kim deal and her twin sister are fantastic ladies.
so they go to some untamed island nicknamed "skull island". some writer falls in love with the whore but then all hell breaks loss when the natives of skull island (played by blackfaced chinks) end up killing a bunch of the sailors/actors, eating shit, and practicing organized religion (human sacrafice) and other primative nonsense. they give up blonde to kong.
the next hour turns into jurassic park 4 (hopefully they really only made 2 shitty sequals). there's this sweet scene where a triceratops, my personal favorite dino, stands in front of a waterfall. the scene lasts about 4 seconds and actually has nothing to do with the previous scene or the following scene. still i'm sure the triceratops will be highly considered for best supporting actor as it is a fucking triceratops and ultimately, bad ass.
i love these days how all movies showcasing dinosaurs always have chase scenes were clever humans end up outrunning these savage hunters. never fails that logic is temporarily locked out of reality.
there's a pretty sweet scene where kong fights 3-5 tyrannosaurus rex's (is it rex's or rexes or rexi?).
some other black guy dies along the way when kong throws him into a tree. and the sterotypical asian import/export trader (in classic kimono, seriously) gets thrown down into some valley, wile e. coyote style.
oh, at some point in time they say the word "climax" in the movie. normally that would have been hot except i was sitting between my parents.
kong and blonde end up watching a sunset. and are about to fuck when suddenly the douche bag comes to save her. a distracted kong is forced to fight off a swarm of giant vampires (seriously) as the two humans use one of the giant vampires as a hang glider to escape down some river.
kong gets caught trying to get the skirt. she actually plays an integral part in his capture simply by not killing herself. if she killed herself, kong would have gone into fits of rage and fucked all those crackers' shit up. blah. i hate women.
next scene takes place back in new york city. kong is now chained up and on display for the paying wealthy. hmmm, seems like symbolism for the black man chained in societal prisons forced to entertain the white man, either through hip-hop/rap, drugs, sports, or pornos. kong breaks free and then kills a bunch of white bitches (can we say perpetuating the stereotype?) and finally finds his number one whore, blonde.
kong with blonde in hand climbs the empire state building (original script called for climbing world trade tower #2 but circumstances beyond president w. bush's control forced a different scene). some fucking airplanes fly by and shoot up kong's shit. man, negro wasn't even holding a gun or trying to run away. kong falls off the building. you know that saying "gorillas always land on their feet"? yeah, i don't either because no one ever says it. and it's because they don't.
end of movie, douche bag gets blonde. after all, all douche bag wanted this entire time was pussy as well. and frank black, i mean jack black escapes the law, like robocop. i don't know what happened to all the other sailors or whatever post-capturing kong as those parts were somehow not written into the movie. they probably lived happily ever after, like in real life.
so now kong is dead. ewing does a great job selling this. he looks exactly as i've pictured him dead in my dreams. he will probably win a people's choice award for ugliest primate.
so i have to say, i left the movie theatre feeling a little disatisfied and questioning the meaning of life. i don't get it. all kong wanted was some pussy. and society, represented by all the white people with guns won't let the black man have his white poohtang. let the negro have his tang. i mean, if it worked out for o.j. and nicole brown, why can't it work out for other black and white couples?
all in all, i'd give this movie 3 out of 5 burning crosses. it's a great movie to see in the theatre. you get to see ewing and all his ape-like glory on the big screen. but if you can't make it to the theatre because you are paralyzed or dead, don't worry. king kong will be coming to stores near you at an awesome price of $19.99 or $34.99 for the criterion collection. extras include the directors cut which includes the controversial "kong titty fucking blonde" scene as well as an alternative ending where the white army men kill kong by hanging him from an oak tree. disc 6 also includes alternate casting with blonde replaced by that fire-crotch skirt on will and grace. look for cameo stunt work from carrot top.
finally, have to say my personal favorite part of the movie wasn't even the movie itself. rather, it was the part where this 350 pound man and his smaller yet still beast like wife sat on the outside of an aisle of a packed theatre while the only available seats were through their way. so rather than make any effort to move, they sat there and let my entire family step on their fatness. i don't know how he got to be so fat, but i can think of several ways on how he can become so dead. mother fucker.
dreams of bricks
i like to listen to songs that you can sing along to while laying face down on the floor.
my dad said to me yesterday, "philip, i can tell that a lot of girls like you."
i replied, "what are you talking about? how can you tell anyway?"
dad says, "oh i've been around for quite some time and i can see the way they look at you."
keep in mind two things:
1. my dad doesn't know me really that well
2. i am asian
and so i don't know what he means by "like" unless he means that girls want me to be their friend, which is often true. too bad i don't really want to even hang out with most girls, which should then be the ultimate compliment for those of you lucky bitches that get to see my full awesomeness, in living colour.
i remember there was that eddie murphy skit back in the day where he went around pretending to be white, just for the day. i wonder what it would like for me if i was white. or if i was dead. hhaha.
the difference between my parents and billy is that my parents have money. so there's no excuse for my testicles to have to retract into my belly for being so damn cold.
the problem with myspace is there needs to be a separate section customized for all the women are alternative or openminded but aren't lesbians. oh and like a lot more people that want to meet me because i don't fucking want to make the effort to meet anyone on my own.
memos to myself
1. girls in glasses shouldn't wear cowboy hats out, ever.
2. at the end of the day was it the radiation, the raygun, or the wine that did me in? i don't know.
3. high-c dreams
4. your dead body reminds me of you
5. sleeping soundly spooning porn tonite
6. disasterously beautiful
7. i don't in fate, just luck. i don't believe my fate is fucked i believe my luck just sucks.
8. it's whenever i come back home for the holidays that i realize i am a homeless man.
legalize slavery
social drugs prescribed from my pusher friend
and i know you will fail to understand
when whiskey genius meets poor choosen words
will you believe the things you're told to learn
all her worrying seems so demanding
and i am growing into her abusiveness
in her likeness although we both fight this
in the end i will push you all away
who needs money when you have life to burn
but not in some old shithole where i was born
play the fool and sit there silent so
no one will think you object this fate
christmast hell again. chapter 1 (12.25.05)
you simple country dress
i love you the best
that was how it began. same sort of shit. feeling again. same old shit, new face new problem new nothing. i've been here before and could sleep walk through the journey, always returning to the same spot of hell.
wow the shadows against the stale library colored aura around this room. remember when this room also wasn't home? remember when you wanted to scream and pull yours and their hair out?
she said so, matter of factly, "didn't you notice i stopped taking pictures long time ago?"
fuck you. you should have known long ago why i don't take pictures. i don't like being fake. and so i don't like to fake smiling. not when i felt so shitty inside. that was
hahah. just thinking now how awkward it is to here a knock at your door and have mom ask, "can i come in." sure of course whatever. you gave me birth a long time ago and so yes you can come in. but please don't stay because i don't want to see your face for long. the staleness of your library colored stale skin. i said stale twice and that is just how much you remind me.
i can't even find any words anymore to describe how badly i wish i could ignore you. if i only could, if i could have learned so long ago who knows which road i'd be on now. maybe not better maybe not worse. but curiosity in ifs runs deep at times of strife.
i have presents but i don't want to even bother. not now not after this again.
if only the stars that aligned this time wouldn't be so cross. i wish to "god" that there was a simple constalation that looked like "the cross". and then i could just tell you idiots that the whole notion of the trinity-god-religion is ridiculous because it obviously came from gay cowboys and roman fiction writers staring up into the sky and coming up with the bullshit of our generation.
our generation meaning humanity.
sometimes i feel like my head is just going to explode if i smoke anymore but really, if i don't my hand is just going to reach for the dullest object and slam dunk it through my eye, over and over she screams.
i space in and out of phases that i think the universe is collapsing on my brain i have to concentrate just long and hard enough to not pass into the killer's dream. this ghost town is only tollerable after i kill my mind and blow my brains against mother skies.
blown out and it's christmas hell. the holidays are a time for me to feel guilty enough to not leave the house and just walk around from the mess.
maybe the next ring will not come back to me
don't be suprised if i hope it's you
there's too much more out there
but i don't even want to know
baby you wouldn't leave me at the mall would you
like my mom did so long ago
i'm your hometown hero
but i don't know if you want to
and i'm sure that you already are
how could someone hide so well
in the mistakes of others eyes
the stone tempo slows down for those
ready and willing to find a hole
to lie down in just for a moment
just for a lifetime
a riddle for you:
what's more fun than waking up on x-mas day to the sound of your parents screaming at each other?
having your brother and mother have an all out battle at the dinner table.
my dad said he deserves some credit for keeping the family together. he said this today. i told him, "did you ever think that growing up in such a dysfunctional family wasn't the best environment and that much of my personal issues stem from this fucked up upbringing?." he acknowledged my point and yet we're still at ground zero.
i recommended to my family that we see king kong tonite or tomorrow. we're going to end up watching it tomorrow. this is an activity we can complete together, hopefully with little fucking drama. i mean, the movie is 3 hours long. and i still get credit for hanging with them even though i don't have to talk to them or look at their faces. isn't this disgusting?
here's some advice i would give you all, thinking of my father in mind. if you think something is wrong and something needs to be done or said, do or say it. don't wait 26 years or whatever and bitch about it all the way through. don't be a fucking jobber. don't be a pussy. because one day you'll wake up and nothing's changed, everything's still fucked up, and now you've grown fat and comfortable in the shit you were too lazy or too weak to hose off.
that's why i tell people when i think they are wrong and am so blunt about. because i have learned from my father's mistakes.
i told my father today the reason i don't date asian women is because of my mother. "they" always say that girls often grow up marrying someone in the likeness of their fathers while guys often grow up marrying someone in the likeness of their mothers. i tell you i'll be struck down by jetplanes if i ever do such a fucking stupid thing. and to completely avoid that scenario, i'm sure my brain has built up this subconscious, yet conscious disgust for asian women. and when i say disgust, i mean hatred and fear and pull-the-trigger-myself-vomit-disgust.
so there. happy fucking x-mas. this is why i hate the holidays.
i forgave you for being a martyr.
just like i predicted, the pistons won by 15 today.
apparently my mom's aunt asked my dad why my mom is so crazy.
my dad said, "tell your friends that i'm from outerspace. that'll explain why i don't speak english." that comment stemmed after i asked him why he doesn't recognize mike mayer or even his existance despite mayer being one of my best friends and also living with me for 2 years in college.
snap back to reality
i woke up this morning to the sound of my parent's screaming at each other. just your usual day.
merry x-mas.
i <3 petrolium
dogs sleeping just to wake up,
i'm satisfied being mean,
choose happiness in break ups,
heartless empty sincerity.
god feels like shit on mondays,
he's just like you and me,
breathe stay alive for sun days,
life is everything inbetween.
choose a mate for life or money,
kill your senses with whiskey,
you think i'm always funny,
you don't take me seriously.
well i took the risk and reached out and missed cause i wanted this what you call confused bliss this aweful happiness,
you aweful happiness.
move out of fucking mindsets,
replace with familiar scenary,
taste salty lips of rejects,
forget to solve the mystery.
moods swirling into meanings,
fuels turn off chemically,
songs communicate the feelings,
hum to hearts breaking to the beat.
well i took the risk and reached out and missed cause i wanted this what you call confused bliss this aweful happiness,
you aweful happiness.
blow my alcohol on money
go girl with an empty home
fucked down and when i come up
me still won't be waiting there for you
everyday bore-doom
so a lot of wierd things have happened lately:
1. cd/dvd player broke in conjunction with giving in and getting anipod, meaning all those cds i lent to billy but will be getting back won't be able to go to work until i get a new cd/dvd player sent from dell. and yes they are sending one because i am a sweet negotiator (not really).
2. met a couple of ladies and may or may not have been on a few different dates with one with real prospect. but i am terrible with initial dating so i might fuck this up.
3. went to the hospital after passing out at a show (black keys). not sure why really. got the hospital bill of $1600. thank god for insurance.
4. met someone who is like the real life "dude" from big lebow. he is pretty chill. too bad he lives in cali. he is jeane's brother. jeane is one of my housemates.
5. played whirley ball for the first time. multiple bruises.
6. ate about 100 chicken strips over the course of devember.
7. probably ruined a few people's lives.
i hope it acid rains on "christ"mas day
people at malls are stupid. i hate how so many people can go to a freaking mall that has only a variety of stores:
1. food
2. electronics/entertainment-related
3. home-related
4. clothes
5. crap
it is this last category that astounds me. crap. people will buy crap for the sake of buying something and wasting both money and pride.
i almost bought some crap today. it was a t-shirt that said "friends don't let friends live in detroit." it was a sweet shirt, but the problem was the asking-price of $24 made me realize that this store must not sell enough product to actually charge a sane amount of money for the crap it does sell. and it is crap. and so then they jack up the prices like a whore who just hit hollywood. then no one buys the crap because it's so fucking expensive.
people who run into baby strollers should be shot. but this assumes the stupid jackass that is pushing the stroller is looking where he/she is going and not just guiding a baby into objects.
objects made of solid mass that is, not like a cloud of mustard gas.
and the stupid holiday music pounding. i had my iPod with me with volume almost all the way up but i could still here the rumbling of ugly people stampeding at the Orange Julius (two days in a row i have seen that store).
sales people don't approach me to help either because they probably think i'm some cheap ass asian (like my mom). or else they aren't positive that i speak english. i know english and have three words for you: eat my sack.
box, mayer, and i did some x-mas shopping yesterday. driving around this time of year near the stores is for the jews. i mean it sucks so bad i want to commit rape-kill-rape to any slut with stupid ugs on. the worst ugs are those that have the furry snowballs that hit and bounce back and forth and hit again your feet and legs five times ever second because they are on a moving part of your body and are so fucking stupid.
oh and my point is this about driving. fucking people are terrible at driving. when i say people i mean everyone except me and dale erhart sr. actually this was mayer's quote: "the problem is that people are idiots but they give everyone a [driver's] license." this in my mind is like giving everyone a gun and say, hey, just make sure you don't blow off someone's butterface. not going to happen my friend. someone (probably me first) would end up rapid firing some stupid girl who we all adore.
my mom pissed me off so badly already today and we've been in fights ever since i returned. we just clash. here's the flawed equation:
mom = crazy
phil = logical
mom/phil = suicide
mom * phil = murder suicide
i think i'm going to move out into box's soon for the rest of break before i go upnorth just so i don't yell at my mom for being a fucking wack-job.
i didn't smoke any cigarettes today and this probably is not helping the cause. i might just try and quit smoking now. but probably not. i need patches though.
when we were shopping, my dad asked me if i wanted to go into the knife store because he wanted to get me another present. i said "if you ever buy me a knife then i'm going to kill myself with it. don't ever ask me this again."
i wouldn't really kill myself with it but what the hell is my dad thinking?
in place in line to be fed the lies
the silly hungry seek beliefs to share
in a common sickness of hopelessness
a cure to stand tall when the walls crumbling down
don't matter this time of the year brings near
the return to a place unbearable
family and friends all alike
disgusted
crossed out
there should be one for us
salvation now comes in other forms
not as high but more often more alive
concrete bitten down nails
this post is dedicated to r. wen.
mom: "what does clementine refer to?"
phil: "i think you're talking about a type of small orange or something."
mom: "oh yeah that's right. what does flip-flop refer to?"
phil: "that's like a cheap sandle."
mom: "made of plastic?"
phil: "it can be i guess."
mom: "like high heels."
phil: "no not really at all. it's something very flat that you wear at the beach."
mom: "oh okay. what does hip-hop mean?"
phil: "what?" (thinking most people would just refer to this as rap)
mom: "is it that fast music?"
phil: "not really. it's like 'rap'. it's the music you don't really like."
mom: "ohhhh. but i like some. i like that billy or, uh will? will smith? he's so good looking and i like how he dances."
phil: "hhahaha you are [fucking] out of control mom."
mom: "do you think joyce (asian god-daughter in law of my dad) is pretty?"
phil: "i don't really like any asian girls. so the answer for me would have to be 'no'."
mom: "so you like white girls right?"
phil: "yes."
mom: "what about african girls?"
phil: "you mean african american? no i mostly only like caucasian girls."
mom: "oh ok."
phil: "well what would happen if i dated an african american girl? what would grandma say?"
mom: "she would say 'too dark too dark'. in asian culture, the lighter the skin the more good looking you're considered."
phil: "so you mean the whiter an asian is the hotter they look? so the hottest would be like death-pale?"
mom: "no not like fainting. but lighter skin means that you are affluent enough to not have to work outside and so you have lighter complextion typically if you are of higher status."
phil: "hahah really? that seems absurd. who thinks this, society? all of asian society of just chinese people?"
mom: "all. and they say if you're fair skinned that it replaces 3 flaws. like a big mouth, a flat nose, and something else. fair skin is considered the best."
by the way these are 100% real.
rumor has it rumors is shutting down har har fag
you have to understand that it would be easy to just be nice to everyone and not be spiteful. but if you cannot do things to spite others, then you are a boring mother fucker. i'm not evil like dick clark but i do like to hate on god, casper, the female orgasim, the holocaust, and other made-up things.
please note this conversation would not have stirred in my rotting mind had i not have so much free time waiting for fucking Dell support to respond.
5:09:23 PM Shelendra_01114932 Dell cares for its customers, please be assured.
i would love to setup a paid search campaign and setup site content to bad mouth my Dell customer service experience.
i would love for them to just send me a new cd/dvd rom drive to replace the faulty one they delivered.
i would love to not have this headache right now and for a cigarette but i'm at the rents.
i would like you to dance. take a ch-ch-ch-chance.
9 out of 10 girls agree, there can be only one highlander.
dell computers = hitler in a speedo
so dell has this new process where they want you to work through technical support on some webchat (like aim or something) rather than using the phone.
the flaw with this system is that 99% of their solutions require restarting your computer. so if you're talking to the tech person via computer and then have to reboot, then you lose connection/support.
also their solutions never really work and require to keep signing back online to another fucking webchat session only to restart and all sorts of heebee jeebee bullriding cockshit.
and i love their solution of reformatting the entire hard drive. i tell them it's not acceptable as i cannot back up my files as my cd/dvd writer doesn't work. they are idiots.
there's a whope separate other issue when i am waiting for them to respond because it takes about 3 minutes inbetween each response. i'm confident they are working on multiple people at same time. fucking multi tasking.
don't trust dell
i'm your only friend
1 equals guns
2 equals drool
3 equals holy trinity
4 equals closet bore
5 equals high life
6 equals death wish
7 equals oblivion
8 equals escape
9 equals compromise
10 equals all over the fuck again
i hate the moments of inbetween
sometimes it's nicer to be the beast than it is to be the choosen
the southside of you
if you took the lion's path,
out of the fire,
and into my life,
you're guaranteed sweetness,
your guaranteed sweetness,
in your eyes.
if you can't help but laugh,
the secrets you smile,
though you naturally frown,
how silly you were,
how worried how blurred,
in your eyes.
don't shoot until you see the blues in their souls.
more news now
dear santa,
for christmas this year, i'd like to ball mrs. claus.
so i haven't blogged for a long time because i've been up to sinning.
i almost quit my job today
if i took steriods, i'd have that kind that isn't dectected in 99% of professional criminal atheletes.
i can't believe the yankees signed johnny d
your face reminds me of your vagina
the key isn't caring. i mean, the key is n't caring. meaning the key is not caring.
i hate the way i handle women interests
forgive me father, for i have sinned (only once!)
dude, it's 12:45 standard right now and i'm sitill so drunk that i just spent 5 minutes looking for socks.... inside omy desk drawer.
fuck you mayer and whateve r fucking showt that last wone was. jamison maybe but whatever it is it made both boratahs projectile vomit.
that's right. the two chicago borthas sand fucking shit up... what are you doing in detroit mother fuckers? getting casrs stolen? raping taylor? hahahahahah i'm so going to steal gorman's car and rape taylor aimes.
it's not so bad
slide underneith the reason of time and logic of water floods through gates made of fool's gold but it's not about the preservation of sake as it is about trying to cope with one's lost lovely feelings like needles flickering in the haze of afternoons that bloom a bloody tune aligned with the sights of a million tragedies that speak of whispers but hum silent white light heating severed luck that is misplaced in the patience of inadequate timing.
farmer chords
obvious you don't belong to me,
emtiness is my only company,
a quiet bliss comes too late to reach,
all i'm left is the game of wait and see.
lonliness manifests in liquid form,
bloody mess by the time i lock the door,
passed the test as visions tiptoe on the floor,
promise this i won't call you anymore.
i realize your ticket wasn't bought for two,
but my suprise wasn't what you did't choose,
the plan devised is what's got me so confused,
i'll compromise if i don't give away my you.
cause all you need as my heart bleeds is you are on my mind
missle sounds at troy, MI
i do not believe in elephants
we are not so fortunate
we haven't been here yet the bullshit smells familiar
be careful for there's feelings beneith this skin
friendly fire never felt so friendly
head in the crown but upside down in the ground behind blue clody skies
you cannot win my heart
far far away from the city lights
down down underneith my clothes
fade fade disolved into emotion
clue clue listen to the beat
eyes i can't keep from shifting
change change flip the scenary
dry dry all along the shoreline
long long as far as i can see
drown drown fight against your body
fall fall winter's on it's way
stare stare well i might as well matter
know no reason left to say
i wouldn't fuck kathy griffin even if she were the last woman on earth
winners never quit
that's why i still smoke
through my stupid mop
real life real time conversation~
phil: "you know, you only live once."
phil's subconscious: "yes, but would you really want?"
phil: "really want what"?
phil's subsconscious: "to live again?"
billy: "oh good point"
phil: "heart attacks all around!!!"
mayer: "whoooo whooo grimy!!!"
double c: "make mine a double"
expensive drinking
disasterously beautiful
amazingly plain
dramatically forgetful
consciously once again
systematic run run run
betrayed by luck
the sound deflating
defending foul sour like suprise
battery acid howls
at the crack in the door
sliver quicker flicker meanings
subtle in plain hindsight
glass three quarters empty
evaporating in staleness
this aweful bliss of lonliness
creeping down in shadow
comfort reaps dust
the love exchanged for lust
ringing in my nows
naked and alcohol
there's someone out there for every ounce
another morning stoner
so what did you do, kill his libido?
fish fry faster on flames of gold
you try and you fly but high and low you go and behold you throw your arms around to hold to the thing you lost when the cost came to much for such a simple thing that means everything dreams and drinks are made of
fields of lives sway in dismay like children lined up for the slaughter
sing a song to remind me of the times you used to be around to sing to me
this way goes and corrodes the moonlight's reflection against outlooking eyes peering in at the outside inside out
maybe someday the sun will sleep in and i will gladly wake before dawn to bring you breakfast in bed
today ends and tomorrow rains doubt that the next will come in god's grace
breathless inhale exhale lungs fail shortness of death
this is the definition of my life
these chords take my time and misery
mistakes hide behind the simple melody
along the back fingers act like puppets
the sliding sound of gliding down the neck
the soft sighs of mid-life fall in semetry
it's too late to take back learnings and memory
the long drain of mistakes paved in thoughts
th broken unspoken unknown end
these days take my life and misery
focused eyes on the passing scenary
a long time since i've seen the sun rise
the choker closed tighter to slow down
turn off the lights and fall awake
harm in the hearing heart
we should be more careful
every thing is falling apart
we should be more fearful
of every thing we say we aren't
this place is just like heaven
it's easier to tell from afar
the sea the moon tomorrow
somehow seems like a work of art
this is all we really are
today the light bent backwards
love and gravity split apart
today the light bent inwards
revealing demons we swear we aren't
this place is just another
a bed for those who traveled from afar
this taste the moon tomorrow
somehow seems like a work of art
this is all we really are
the drowning sight of sunset
the day and nite no longer break apart
the draining forget meaning
blessed memory forgive for what we aren't
this place is just a moment
takes tomorrow to tell from afar
your face the moon tomorrow
somehow seems like a work of art
this is all we really are
there's absolutely no reason the thermastat should be set at 97.
cammie:i saw your most deppressing post
phil: what was that?
phil: "how to kill yourself to sleep"?
other options:
"that one time i laughed."
"fading into you"
"imploding from not caring"
"phil, you remind me of the bible."
cause if we hold on.
i think it's important to have level-self-esteem but to have high, well that might be asking for too much.
say you suck (like me and are a terrible human), then if i have high self-esteem, wouldn't that be denial at it's finest? i mean, i'm OKAY and i'm OKAY with being mediocre. i'm a fucking realist.
i hate people in denial. get over yourself and realize your bullshit stinks like everyone elses.
if you think you're above this, then you haven't learned a god damn thing in your life.
from now on i'm going to ask, what kind of music do you live for? cause no one's fucking going to say anything but country. then they will be forced to choose a real fucking answer.
people who "listen" to music don't love it.
google videos are back, for a limited time only!
barney vs. tupac. this is pretty funny. billy don't watch this at work unless you have headphones.
this is why i have no asian friends (besides duck)
this reminds me of box. just the tip.
this is fun to watch despite him being ugly
the best part about this is the cock cam on the beast. doesn't help perpetuate any stereotypes.
the last one is worth it. too bad u.s. drew unlucky.
ahhh if only it were that easy
i can think of a dozen deaths that would break me with unfairness.
i remember when the days weren't long
i bought this cd once by an artist solely on the premis of their name:
bicycle thief
the following two statements are synonamous:
1. i don't believe in god
2. i have low self esteem
is it wrong to want to want to "double quarter pound*" it?
*my new phrase for getting on a fat girl
i we want is a feeling
i don't care what john wayne's corpse says, broken social scene is the next fixed social scene.
she's like you except unglued, and she excludes the years of potential awkwardness you bring. yet you are the same game lame and plain like a rusty bicycle chain. left alone in the cold so old and so predictably naive like you think up my sleeve is a fucking care about the air surrounding your wasted face. the windsurf unearths the beast beneith the sea always breathing the calmness of flood before the calm. same old song sang backward this time and i sang along for once for the sake of sex so don't expect what's left when i leave to be anything more than the air i breathe out when i'm done.
a lot to be mad about, idiot.
90% of your lies are sad whispers that you hope you don't hear
you have to be less uptight and shut your fucking face off
you are strange and sane and beautiful like snow softly piled up like heaps of dirt over a fresh grave
this is journalism at it's fear
(ddl) big star: thirteen
the great deserve
the smoke is gone
so i smoked a gun
just for fun
to see be free
set on fire
head in flames
add it up
six six seven
not forgiven
forgotten from drink
dream the sun
all in face
fake and hate
create the flow
out the window
to the lake
back before god
and aching time
when i get to heaven
will she be there
or will i be in hell?
or am i stuck
again some more
deserve never
one step off your fucking face
i'm drinking boxed wine out of a glass. somehow this seems unusual.
i still love you ben gibbard despite the last concert sucking ass.
by the way people still owe me money for this concert (yes i'm good with remembering debts):
1. billy
2. sirc
3. jimmy jones
cammie brought it to my attention that jan 3 is our anniversary
my job sucks but i hope i never live like the fool you live.
billy there's so much it looks like beef jerky in a bag.
i havne't passed out since last thurs!
for some reason i feel like it's more difficult right now to cut and paste than it is to just retype.
i hope mario lemeiux dies
i would gladly trade your friendship for a lullaby
this is my stupidness at best.
45 stupid things about 8 stupid fucks
Who is on your top 8(in the order that you have them placed)?
1. Jennifer
2. Jane
3. Billy
4. Ani
5. Cammie
6. Melissa
7. Kate
8. Jimmy
1.How did you meet 6?
Made out with her, seriously.
2.Why are you friends with 3?
He lets me eat fried chicken
3. Is 7 in a relationship?
Yes, with my rival Pat
4.Have you kissed 2?
Only on the clit.
5.Have you hugged 4?
Not yet but don't worry, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS
6.Have you done anything sexual with 6?
only with my skin
7.Would 1 and 5 make a good couple?
Cammie does have a 2 inch cock
8.How long have you known 2?
Since I met Dawn
9.Would you ever kiss 7?
only if she didn't have her rape whistle handy
10.Whats a good memory with 5?
one time she told me she had a dirty dream about me and then she hid in the closet to hide from my father
11.Ever hugged 8?
Yes, last time he said i could do better so i rehugged him
12.Do you love 1?
over Billy's soon to be dead body
13.Is 5 nice?
no but i hate "nice"
14.How did you meet 3?
through mutual sadness
15.Who makes you laugh?
i do. i'm funny
16.Who makes you smile?
drugs
17.When was the last time you saw 1?
two weeks ago i think. i can't remember really anymore
18.Would 3 and 6 make a cute couple?
i don't think billy dates anyone more than 90 lbs
19.Does 8 love you?
the shit i write maybe
20.Do you see 3 a lot?
not enough anymore
21.Describe 4 in 3 words?
ladder theory relationships
22.What would you buy 1 for their birthday?
a sweater. i hear mexicans like sweaters
23.Have you traveled anywhere with 5?
i've never met her
24.Do you have fun with 7?
no, Pat won't let me
25.Is 2 a cool person?
i disagree
26.Who is the loudest?
cammie's face
27.Do any of them get on your nerves sometimes?
yes i hate all people non-secretly
28.Do you know when 6's birthday is?
no but i do have something to give her
29.What do you really think of 2?
she is deceptively outgoing
30.Best memory with 4?
when she said she'd go out with me, and then cancelled.
31.Does 1 even know you?
i feel like 1 is supposed to be my "fav" and maybe this is true but is it true?
32.Is 5 happy?
only when she cums
33.Does 7 live close?
what do you mean by live?
34.Do you have any classes with 5?
no although she is in like her 9th year of school
35.Have you and 3 ever hooked up? (not necessarily sex)
rape
36.Are you and 8 close?
we're bandmates. what do you think?
37.Do you wanna kiss 4?
with the barrel of my gun
38.Is 6 a good person?
i think most people aren't good. what does good mean?
39.Does 2 own a car?
shitty aveo.
40. Describe 1 in one word:
Hatz
41. How many of your top 8 have you slept with (not sex)
slept with? in the same room or in the same time zone? maybe 4
42. Whats the best thing about 2?
she listens to me bitch (non-stop)
43. What is 4's favorite color?
vibrator blue
44. What is 1's favorite thing to do?
be near my greatness
45. One thing you wish you could tell number 5?
cammie, go fuck a shrub
for me moving on means not worrying about it anymore/as much
everyone must be on drugs that know me
i don't know anyone anymore as long as i always am
some detuned version of this world exists in a hidden harmony
every romance is sin with the decay decadence of time and memory
the pressure to explode only represents my physical sick dedication
the chemical meanings lose yesterday's attention as i fall asleep awake
all i have have left are these old rusty chords
that picked up where you left off so long ago
the gentle glides from fingers along the back they explore
the biggest mistake in heartache is wishing for nevermore
road trips out west don't seem like they did before
with intentions fakeness seems to make these feelings unsure
you're married to freedom you won't settle for norm
i still want to take you to see the pacific ocean shore
just once in awhile
tongue so bitter the taste bleeds numb like the sun setting on days past way before the silent shore swept in yesterday's disease fleeing the spring clean scene that social order borders the shoulder over the smoldering heat from frying fans flying forth in a breathless wind that winds down the spine of second hand speak easy rest gently drown quietly burn down sometimes but lifetimes drift wide and miss and this awefulness is bliss to broken beaten wings that swing back and forth like indecision instilled in the flood of love that throws outside ways days fade and fail like faith trailing tail between legs forget what summer shields your spirit spoken like a true broken man.
