i'm damaged i'm sandwiched
so my mom told me tonite that originally, she wanted to name me "scott" except my dad opposed because at that time, there was a brand of tissue (for sneezing) named "scott tissue" or something like that (who really ever knows with my parents' broken english). anyway so that's why my name is philip.
my dad apparently didn't care at all about my name as long as it wasn't scott.
by the way, philip means "lover of horses" in case any of you know any hot girls who like to ride reverse cowgirl on a stallion like myself. or something.
but everyone thought you were beautiful but your face.
who was your favorite character on the A-TEAM (dan-naan-nan-nann-naan-na-nan)
i just hit so hard my lungs went wait wait wait slow mo fo sho
evan dando is a fuck but i learned a lot from him.
brrrrokeeen link
i was singing, shute the fuck up
so i'm using a keyword list tool to help generate terms for some initiative and i looked up the term "ipod" and a suggested term listed was "lesbian".
that seems about right.
everyone! beware of why too kay!
lisa says on a nite like this
it'd be so nice if you could give me a kiss
stephanie says that she wants to know
why she's giving half her life to people she hates now
candy says i've come to hate my body
and all that it requires in this world
a while back my company made me participate in a television viewership survey. first, i had to fill out a survey of the shows i watch and the amount of time spent. then they made me fill questions based on the type of show genre they categorized me as. the second part consisted of me answering quesitons about how i felt about this and that in regards to the cartoon network, based on the fact the only television i really watch is off of adult swim, comedy central, or sports broadcasts. some of the questions were ridiculous such as but not limited to:
1. do you feel financially satisfied after watching shows on cartoon network?
2. do you feel more or less confident after watching shows on cartoon network?
if jesus were a type of hamburger topping, how long would you be able to hold off temptation from masterbating?
the detroit fireworks were fabulous tonite. and fuck all those who said it'd be a bitch to get out due to traffic. i got home in 35 minutes, which is about 10-16 minutes less than my normal avg. commute time home.
my brita (sp?) is so old back from college. but the fucking filter is the original i had. i have 4 "new" filters somewhere. however, i have yet to replace. which basically means, my brita is nothing more than a tuppa ware container as the fucker doesn't filter shit anymore.
so who cummed in the water cooler?
if pussy tasted like chocolate, there'd be an expodential increase in lesbianism with an expodential decrease in chance of me scoring ever again.
i miss duck and his mcshit shirt. and his negro mcshit shirt.
when computer technology advances to the state of true arificial intelligence and computers rule the world, do you think intelligent computers will end up running video game programs on themselves? will they play with themselves? can computers masterbate, with their hard drives and taptops.
ok that was terrible.
watching the game, drinking a bud.
While at work actually doing work today, I did some video searches on "Chevy Corvette" off of Yahoo! and found this link. Forgot all about it.
Also I forgot to mention last nite I was at 5th Ave downtown by New Tigers' Stadium and while walking back to my car, heard some bums chanting the greatest chant ever. It has replaced my previous favorite chant of "J! E! T! S! JETS! JETS! JETS!"
new fav chant: "eat 'em up tigers eat 'em up! eat 'em up tigers eat 'em up!"
friends help
quotes from a conversation with duck:
hehe, sucked today, a sales guy called me while i was still in bed
also, my girlfriend just a bit of a falling out with her roommate and best friend, they are not going to live together anymore after september; moving me into a primary position where I dont want to be
well, shes very boring, i should have ended it long ago, im just weak thats all
phil: why are there question marks in your name?
duck: oh, those are chinese characters, i guess you cant see them
phil: oh what do they translate to?
duck: mustard
oh yeah, did somebody call you wanting to do a background check for someone? some guy named richard clifford? also, that sounds like a gnark name
i was thinking about my girlfriend, and I think im just going to have to murder her
whatever mon
couple of things:
so i went to mcdonalds a few nites ago and when they gave me my change, they gave me a fucking canadian quarter. and i was like, alright fucks, if you want to play with fire, prepared to be burned, old crow style. so i went back to mcdonalds today and paid them with the cannuck quarter they pawned off to me. and they tried to refuse payment with. so i said, "do you read the bible? well there's this passage i got memorized..."
and anyway they ended up taking that shit because i am boss.
second star to the right, and then straight on to the morning.
i saw two commercials while watching southpark just now about purchasing the offspring greatest hits. what the fuck mate?
and why would i EVER have to get rush delivery for that shite. i'm not even using a question mark for that statement because it's a statement, not a question.
it'll be real interesting to see how they recover from that loss.
nobody does it like molton boron
i think any type of "mature content" warning should translate to ass and titties. and any kind of cussing should just be. cussing isn't so bad.
the problem with threesomes is they never involve me. or they involve me and two of my guy friends: goldbond and goat.
i got my official promotion/raise today. finally, i can afford the luxuries of life, like a girlfriend. now to spend my hard earned salary on some ruffies.
if i could own any fast food resturant, it would be a mcdonalds.
things on the menu at my mcdonalds:
1. mcribs
2. mccrave case
3. mcfive for five
4. mcpot brownies
5. mcalmond boneless chicken (with extra bones)
we are with you when you discharge
even cowboys fall off their horses sometimes
i was pretty sure that getting up today at 2:30pm would yield a wasted day but i got a lot of shit done.
billy says that i like soundtrack music based off this band we saw tonite open up for longwave. i don't remember the other band's name but they were sweet. i guess their music was "soundtrack music"... lots of melodies and textured sound layers.
tomorrow at work will suck. i'm not sure if i have this friday off or not...
and i'm sure there is a strong direct correlation between chronic worriness (is that a term?) and being a light sleeper.
i ate two kinds of fish today. tuna and sammon.
poem about playing fast
let's go 90
travel faster than thoughts
the words they don't matter
cause we'll never get caught
let's go 90
let's get the hell out of here
turn nobs til they hit ten
fuck the neighbors who care
bodies fueled with chemicals
at this speed the world is beautiful
keep on speeding until we hit the wall
keep on speeding until we hit the wall
let's go 90
as fingertips bleed
the sound of the friction
as the caution strips screams
let's go 90
until our hearts overheat
bodies shaking from forces
so fast that we can't breathe
bodies fueled with chemicals
at this speed the world is beautiful
keep on speeding until we hit the wall
keep on speeding until we hit the wall
underwater fired
my brother came home for the weekend, to drop off all his credit card bills to my mom.
i saw him for about 3 minutes today. he was an asshole as always.
he left while my mom and i were still eating lunch.
mom: "eric just left, and he didn't even eat his vegatables."
phil: "yeah, i think you should have bigger concerns about him."
mom: "he came home and dropped off all his expenses. he's supposed to pay me back when he graduates but sometimes i don't think he plans to."
phil: "no, i'm actually pretty positive he'll never pay you back."
mom: "you know, some mother's give birth to a handicapped person or a mentally retarded child, and the child might be in a wheel chair and need the mom to take care of and bathe and feed."
phil [with a wide grin]: "so you're saying eric's like a mentally retarded kid? hahah."
mom: "yeah, i just have to think that way sometimes because of the way he acts. it's the only way i can rest my mind with the way he acts."
the dashboard of my car has a mudhens hat on it.
so i'm about to go running in 90 degree weather. this is smart. and my back hurts.
i woke up this morning with this thought: you know how at crime scenes when a murder occurs, they outline the body in chalk? what are they going to fucking do in outer space when a body is floating in the air? are they going to tie two loose ends of a white rope and mold into the shape of the floating body? WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO?
they'd better invent something for that shit before we begin to colonize uranus.
IT
you know how we have so many wierd coincidences occur? i don't know what i believe in... well i know it's not god. and i guess thinking rationally, i believe in determinism but that's not it exactly either.
but it's wierd. if i believe in reincarnation, which i sort of do sort of don't, then i'd have to say in another life i'd run into you randomly and then we'd rule the world with an iron fist in the permanent middle finger position.
blah blah blah sorry this is IT.
i would smash your face with this flashlight if you were 2 feet closer
so
missy once told me that i get off on parent's of my friends liking me. and i don't but they usually do.
and i took her to phil a's b-day party/memorial day bbq at tammy's brother's house. and we got there early enough so that the people that were going that we would have known weren't there yet. so it was a lot of family and shit of phil a's.
and it was awkward and uncomfortable for us. but i was enjoying the people watching.
and tonite at this more or less random girl's house party, which by the way, wasn't even her party but her housemates, it was me and this girl and 50 other people.
and i don't know this girl. just met her once.
and i didn't know any of the 50.
and i liked to people watch. and it was alright because you know what, i think i get off a bit on the uncomfortableness. i definitely was uncomfortable. it's not that i'm shy because i'm not. it's more of just not knowing anyone when everyone else knows everyone else. and i got there late when everyone was already drunk and into whatever gameplan each one had designed.
and i think i get off in moments when i have to tell myself "so this is your life"
it was interesting tonite.
intake,
as if nothing else matters,
til your heart and your bladder,
cannot take.
knees shake,
beneith the weight of the chatter,
as you watch designs splatter,
and then you break.
there must be something somewhere,
that doesn't seem the same as this,
there must be someone somewhere,
that doesn't see the same.
laughing,
faking sounds of amusement,
perfect precision and movement,
that you fake.
feeling,
as if your body was fluid,
you could melt if you'd choose it,
but you stay.
there must be something somewhere,
that doesn't seem the same as this,
there must be someone somewhere,
that doesn't see the same.
when you're twenty-four,
inbetween lifetimes,
conflicting star signs,
walking the fine line between hope and hell.
jupiter orbits your face
the girls i date or end up marrying, and yes i am saying "the girlSSSS that i end up marrying" will either have to be very intelligent so that i respect them, or else i need to NEVER EVER FUCKING EVER EVER know what the hell they do exactly for a living because chances are i will lose all respect for them and not think they are worth shit.
this fuels from seeing so many people at work who are absolutely worthless and fucking dolts.
and honestly, the more i think about it the more i am convinced that i am a nintellectual snob and a music snob and an anti-pop culture snob and so on.
and really whatever.
ball gag and dildo sold separately. some assembly may be required.
i just asked missy if she misses michigan. she said i miss:
1. the free time
2. the people
i said, well the free time is irreplaceable.
and i meant it exactly like THAT.
one time i had the ambition to write a book about god. it was going to be about the lost years when he was a troubled adolescent. it was going to be about how god had low self-esteem and had lost faith in himself. he no longer believed in himself. he became atheist.
get it?
i really did start writing a short story about that. but then i gave up as i quit my stupid creative writing class. i quit because my fucking bitch teacher didn't promote creative writing.
she once said something like this to me to comment on my short story about my pathetic love life:
"so, are you writing just for your friends... with inside jokes? because you should be writing to sell books. you need to be concerned about making money and supporting yourself. inside jokes won't sell a million copies."
i told her, "actually, i am just writing for myself and for my friends. fuck you and your fucking creative writing class."
by the way, i really did say fuck you to her face as i walked out the door and dropped the class. i didn't need the credit at all or the hassle. i was just taking it for fun!
also, divorce or death are two very different things. see me for details.
10 memos saved on my cell phone
1. idea for pants: instead of a sorority name like "kappa" on the ass, it just says "DICK"
2. the sum of all fears = 5.
3. you're like damaged goods out in the summer sun
4. i miss you more than i miss the comfort of sadness
5. you were the one i waited for
the one with one foot out the door
i expect the worse though
i don't give effort
6. i love it on the days when the sun creeps out past the dark cloudy shadows, overcast and the horizon the sky is dark, ready to rain and the sky is light and bright and what not and there's a lot of separation. it's almost like saying, "heaven can wait. enjoy your life here. enjoy your life on the ground."
7. a lot of people ask me "what was mitch hedberg like on the last days on this earth?" and i tell them, "he was like a prarie fire on the last days of disco. he was all over the place."
8. it's not you or me. i can't get over how terrible a human being you are, how ugly you are, how fat you are, how stupid you are, how much you smell, how much i hate all your mannerisms. i hate you. it's not you it's me.
9. tall people have a great advantage while playing with a yo-yo.
10. do people die from heartache or just from the bullet that comes with the territory?
shut up and die already
you always speaks what's on your mind
you always drive me out of my mind
your conversations' are paper thin
if i don't listen you start over again
behind the smile are crooked eyes
searching for a stunt double to sub in
i don't care about your weekend
i don't give a fuck about
you're so dull
i can't turn off your body
i can't turn off your mouth
you're so dull
i never really used to mind
at first i swear i didn't mind
your cleavage kept me coming back
your body language spoke clearly while on your back
the fun lasted 'til i heard you speak
and my whiskey head would rather sleep
i don't care about your family
i don't give a fuck about
you're so dull
i don't care about your work shit
i don't give a fuck about
you're so dull
i don't care about your stories
i don't give a fuck about
you're so dull
i can't turn off your body
i can't turn off your mouth
you're so dull
dull
i've got issues in my head
i've got tissues in my pocket
i've got pockets full of hope
and my perspective in my sockets
next time i have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, i'm not going to seek immediate medical attention. i'm going to the playboy mansion.
anyone who likes linkin' park needs to check their taste
driving the motor city
so i'm still bored, and watching vh1 behind the music. they are doing a show on george michael.
first off i love how the kid's name on arrested development is also named george michael.
second, apparently after g.m. got busted masterbating at will rogers memorial park, he had to pay a fine or do community service AND got banned from will rogers memorial park for 2 whole years!
is that not ridiculous?
the power to control
to go against the flow
as the sun goes down and the stakes rise up
the smoke moves in as the clouds clear up
and other meaningless things
the moment comes and goes
but no one else will know
as the sun goes down and the stakes rise up
the smoke moves in as the clouds clear up
and other meaningless things
you don't remember what
i never did
and i'm learning to forget
it ever happened
the story left untold
in the looks that never get shown
as the sun goes down and the stakes rise up
the smoke moves in as the clouds clear up
and other meaningless things
the power to let go
the things my arms can't hold
as the sun goes down and the stakes rise up
the smoke moves in as the clouds clear up
and other meaningless things
i don't remember what
i never did
and you're learning to forget
i ever happened
i never happened
why are you scared to dream of god?
so i just spent 10 minutes in the men's bathroom talking to some dude about rock music.
what happened is this:
1. phil went to bathroom to #1
2. phil washes hands (with water, from the sink)
3. strange guy comes into bathroom (probably to use bathroom)
4. strange guy asks phil if he still plays guitar, then procedes to ask favorite guitarists
5. phil answers jimmy paige
6. strange guy talks for 10 minutes straight about other rock muscians while phil awkwardly stands in bathroom doorway with the i-give-a-fuck-face
7. strange guy comments, "the only thing i have against jimmy paige is his drug abuse"
8. phil declares "i really have to get going"
9. strange guy responds "so do i"
10. phil and strange guy depart ways
11. phil realizes strange guy went into the bathroom but never actually used it
12. phil begins typing in third person
article i got about online porn trend
Recently in San Diego, an adult industry trade association (yes they have them too) is said to have its day in court. According to Wired News, under penalty of federal prison terms, new interpretations of existing regulations would require sites that feature photographs or videos of sexual activity to keep records confirming that performers are of legal age. Could this potentially harm the adult industry?
I think it is more of a speed block than a road block. Nonetheless, it is a step in the right direction. It will certainly necessitate copious amounts of paperwork. It also could put a stop to illegal pictures that are distributed widely online. "People are pretty freaked out," said porn webmaster Jim McAnally, who estimates that more than half of hard-core sites, including some of his, will have to dump significant numbers of photos and videos. "This will affect people from top to bottom."
If folks in this industry can't produce the paperwork, they risk a federal jail sentence of up to 10 years. The number of free porn sites is expected to drop as a result. Let's just hope the number of free porn site's adware will too.
Many sites will most likely fold because they are either practicing this, stealing content from other sites, or simply cannot produce the paperwork. One thing that made me chuckle was the reference to porn pre July 3, 1995. It is considered to be "vintage" and will be grandfathered. I'm sure this will produce an underground groundswell. Here are some statistics for the industry, courtesy of Internet Filter Review:
Size of the industry: $57 billion worldwide, $12 billion in the United States
Adult videos: $20 billion
Escort services: $11 billion
Magazines: $7.5 billion
Cable/pay per view: $2.5 billion
Internet: $2.5 billion
CD ROMS: $1.5 billion
Web sites: 4.2 million (12 percent of total Web sites)
Pornographic pages: 372 million
Daily pornographic search engine requests: 68 million (25 percent of total search engine requests)
Daily pornographic e-mails: 2.5 billion (8% of total e-mails)
Worldwide visitors to pornographic web sites: 72 million annually
U.S. adults who regularly visit Internet pornography sites: 40 million (72 percent male, 28 percent female)
Now the final shocker: U.S. porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion)
bastard son of a bastard sun
so last nite i had some strange dreams which i can only remember small slices of...
i dreamt i was going back to school while working full time. except i wasn't going back to school for a graduate degree of any sort. i was going back because i had to still take one more class in order for my majors from uofm to be valid. i had to take some god damn calculus class.
and then when i went to class, which was in the middle of the day for whatever reason, i had to go to athens highschool and had the hardest time finding a parking lot. and for whatever reason, again, i was at a freaking highschool trying to finish up my undergrad degree.
and i also went to a comic book store or something to study. and i also remember leaping around super high up in the air, hulk style.
and that's all i remember.
thought of the morning:
comedians are like assholes... it's always a fun time seeing one on a first date
Nintendo®
dad: "philip, you know ronald regan likes jelly belly's."
phil: "ok."
dad: "did you know he really likes jelly beans?"
phil: "no, but don't you mean 'liked'? he's dead now."
dad: "yes, everybody dies."
my brother didn't get my dad anything for father's day. he didn't even call. last week, my mom called my brother (who didn't actually answer the phone suprise suprise) and left a voicemail telling my brother that i was father's day. she also told me the same thing and i told her she was wrong as it is this weekend, not last.
so brother called and left dad a message. dad was like, WTF it's not even the right date. dad hasn't heard anything from my brother since. wrong day fucker.
i'm so sleepy today.
i need to learn how to shoot a soccer ball. i missed another breakaway today. i really am a terrible human.
last nite was good hanging out with lizzy-poo and her fam. i got invited to another highschool grad party next weekend but am unsure if i will attend as it is supposed to be relay for life weekend. although i really haven't heard much about the event this year. i'm supposed to participate but doubt i will for the entire time. also i didn't even raise any money this year, although i'll get my fam and myself to donate. and company matches. so great. great. yes. i am a terrible human.
i broke one of my electric guitar strings this afternoon while i was thrashing on a new song i wrote. dang fuck. billy, i have a few new songs.
old posting...
wow remember this one?
it's not the lint?
mom: "you know when you bake its such a harder time to clean-up."
phil: "well, do you use tin foil?"
mom: "no i don't like tin foil because i don't like it when the chemicals go into your food, especially when you're baking, it's so hot."
phil: "what? well that's your problem, you don't use tin foil."
mom: "actually i tried something different today. i put this oil around the chicken and..."
phil: "oil? you know that that's going to cause more burning on the oven sheets..."
mom: "yeah but it tastes differently than usual."
phil: "but we were talking about cleaning, not taste."
tomorrow is father's day and he wants jelly bellies. so i will need to procure from my hated, somerset sweetfactory. i used to work there years ago before the bitterness saturated my bones and the indifference created an aura of importance.
mom: "philip, are you done?"
phil: "no, i'm still eating."
mom: "okay, well i hope when your brother graduates he finds a good job."
[phil stunned momentarily as the transition of topics has taken him by suprise]
phil: "YEAH WELL THAT'S BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVER WORK EVER!"
if my girlfriend, mistress (yeah right) or wife is ever pregnant with my child (if it's not my child, i'm killing both). wait, so if she is ever preganant and refuses to have sex with me, i'm going to be like, "bitch, you'd better mount up or else i'm gonna get my leather gloves and choke you. bitch, i was with you when you were fat."
and then i'd get down on one knee and uppercut the baby bastard.
i always didn't like it when people called someone a "bastard" as an insult because it's really not their faults at all. i mean, it's not like they choose to be a bastard. and probably, the parents were either smart or cool to not have stayed together but just =fuck.
and again, it's not like it's the bastard's fault. not like with jews. i mean, they could choose to not be jewish and converting to another silly religion.
or they could kill themselves.
sober as a lober
great discoveries of all time:
- contractions
- pregnancy prevention through butt-sex
- poop tastes like poop
- happiness is good
- hot sauce
- indifference
- elevator action, for nintendo
- the guitar solo
- the shotgun (take that any of 3 ways)
when you want to go, i know you will
my thought of the morning:
the keys to success are locked inside of my car.
also, i definitely ate corn last nite but forgot until this morning. it's like getting into a drunken fist fight and finding a bruise on the tip of the ____ the next day.
do you* ever think of me or miss me at all?
*referring to prasad, specifically, seriously, as i'm trying to chat with him on AIM now.
i hate elves
mom: "where were you yesterday?"
phil: "i was at the tiger's game. i told you that the other day that i wouldn't be around."
mom: "oh."
[3 minutes later]
mom: "so did you watch dancing yesterday?"
phil: "what? what are you talking about? at the tiger's game?"
mom: "dancing. on television."
phil: "i still don't know what you're referring to. also, i was at the tiger's game."
mom: "oh i forgot."
phil: "hold on i have a phone call."
[2 minutes later]
mom: "so there's this show every wednesday. i think this is called "dancing with the stars. and they have celebrities who..."
[phil turns off brain for a few minutes while mom continues to talk, turns back on momentarily]
mom: "... yeah and this one guy, a boxer, named elandor, or lavendor* ..."
[phil turns off brain again]
*evander holyfield
sidenote: my mom pays no mind about my interests otherwise she would know i rarely watch television, it's never what's prime time on any of the major channels, and i wouldn't ever give a flying fist fuck about dancing with the stars.
gold star for robot boy
my coworker friend courtney is prego. pregnant. something. whatever. anyway so she is pretty full sized now and whatnot.
the other day, we had a vendor, men's health, pay to bring in a company that makes smoothies, so everyone at my company went to get one. and i guess, on their way back down to their cubes, courtney and her friends were going down the stairs and court fell. she didn't fall hard or far but still went to the hospital for 7 hours, just to be sure.
and everything's ok. however, the smoothie was a casuality.
court's got a number of bruises on her arms and back now because.
today, i saw her standing by her cube rubbing her belly. i just burst out laughing because it's so funny to watch someone rub their belly in a non-seductive, casual way.
and she's like, "what, it's sticking out there. if you had a belly, you'd rub it too."
(see i'm not fat. i have no belly).
but i highly doubt i'd be rubbing my belly just because it's sticking out. guy's with belly's are just fat. and rubbing one's fat is repulsive.
why would i do that anyway? am i trying to get wishes?
i'm just a crosshair
i hate new people. new people not necessarily to my work or my business but new people who come in with some kind of casual experience in whatever and act like they own the space when other's have been through 'nam.
what does this have to do with 'nam? everything. we were there maaaaan. but we had no right.
and the nitemares still haunt me whenever i hear a yo mama joke.
i noticed this morning that the car in front of me had a ton of bumper stickers about "out and proud" and pink triangles (seriously) and rainbows. and i'm totally pro-gay/lesbian/bi-sexual rights. after all, i'm a closet dyke. sike.
anyway, i was thinking, you might be out and proud, but you're stupid to put that shite on your car. i'm against all bumper stickers that don't contain the word "poo" in it.
also, who cares if you're out in proud while sitting in a car. the only people who will know that you're out and proud by reading your fucking bumper sticker are those traveling behind your dumb ass and so they won't even know or care about you and your sexual orientation as you're in a fucking car. all they will see is your stupid bumper stickers and think, "wow, the re-sale of your car just went down 1000%."
i also don't care if you have an honor role student or if you're for or against abortions/jesus.
i am in a pissy mood.
goodbye girl.
where's my lost shaker of salt?
questions to ask a girl on the first date:
1. do you fuck on the first date?
2. do you have a condom i could borrow or have, preferably borrow?
3. do you look just like your mom, waist down?
4. beans? (ponchero style)
5. two types of fruit?
6. will you please forget my question of "two types of fruit"?
7. do you believe in love at first sight or should i whip it out again?
8. well who died and made you the nut police?
in the next world war
i really like radiohead: airbag ep. great stuff. every song is a gem except the title track which is not only because it's also on the ok computer cd.
i wonder what it'd be like to be a musical genius AND appreciated. i mean, i feel radiohead is of that caliber. i remember when billy corgan came out with the adore cd that he recieved much criticism from moving from alt rock to more techno beat-oriented. billy in an interview said that he saw that sound as being the future and wanted to be a part. he said he could have easily continued to write alt rock songs that would be radio hits.
two things
1. he failed to really write radio hits again. even when he tried later. too bad
2. radiohead came into the picture shortly after with these techno like beats and electronic sounds (not that they were ever the first, but commercially/critically were the best and most long-term successful). radiohead came in and were just awesome.
sorry this post isn't really interesting.
the sooner you send me your address, the sooner i'll send you something stupid
start of a song (that i will never finish):
i will strike the skip from your stride
i will eclipse the light from your eyes
i will find you and devour you
i love porn music you can clap to.
i found this accidently but don't have the will to read. but i'm sure it's entertaining.
i was running today and near the end of my normal 3-mile run, i ran past my friend's house as she was getting ready to shove off for a quick roller blade. and so we decided to race 50 yards, in which i beat her sprinting by about 15 yards.
hmmm hmmm? impressive!
and after, as joke jams pounded my ears with the sound of victory [insert we will rock you drum/clap beat manifesto]
that's the end. there's nothing after that because. oh i guess i showered with cold water because it felt nice
we don't even look there anymore
any celebrity who's on one of those vh1 top whatever or celebrity remember the fuck is a duche bag. and a stinky one.
and i love how they have the person's name and what one medocre "famous" thing they did.
like:
carrot top
ruined stand-up comedy
there's days that aren't too terrible and yet make you want to wish the week away.
fastforward.
if life could be tivo'd, this is what i would record:
chili's chicken fingers
up north
the moments i cannot remember from college
woody allen movies
ben gibbard
playoff hockey
the first nite i met
drinking gatoraid after running
playing guitar
back massages
smashing pumpkins in '99
silent hill
when the sun hits the sky
and turns into a blue blaze
as the trees bow to ground
and the world falls away
my mom wanted me to wear this cowboy belt she bought from some shite vendor in china probably for 25 cents. i told her, it's important to pick a belt that actually matches one's pants. i said, when do i ever wear country-esque clothing. she said, i don't know maybe sometime you'll want to go dress like a cowboy.
if i ever dress like a cowboy, please someone light my body on fire, and then put me out with your suv.
i have one boss and one fake boss. the fake boss used to be my boss too. i used to have two equal bosses because i had two separate jobs i was handling. the fake boss told me today that i was getting a promotion, which i already knew. when i said i knew, he was like, oh you weren't suprised, you must be cocky.
that's story 1.
story 2 goes like this: i have all these pictures in my cube of my friends and moments of pure happiness, mostly which somehow involved alcohol... not that i need alcohol to be happy, but it just so happens happiness and camera-picture-taking go hand in hand. anyway, this coworker of mine said i must be in love with myself because many of those pictures are of my friends AND me, and so i guess i have multiple pictures of myself, in a way, in my cube. and i was like, what you think i am in love with myself. you are so stupid.
story 1 and 2 go together like this. i am not cocky nor am i in love with myself. make no mistake my friend, i know i'm badass in a few things and decently good in a few more and i also know most people in this world suck and so in comparison, i'm above avg in totality.
i think today might be my housemate's birthday but she didn't tell me personally. i just think it is because. but who cares.
did you hear about michael jackson?
did you know he allegedly had plastic surgery? they say he might have gotten a nose job!
oh my god!
and it ain't fun
long distance love
so close to my heart
but so far from my arms
i'm pretty certain i could add endless terms to all these search buys i work on, to the point of mind-breaking.
what is stabilitrak
new searches of recent
09 Jun, Thu, 18:28:08 Yahoo: the way Jamacan's talk
09 Jun, Thu, 20:03:28 Yahoo: his balls in her mouth
09 Jun, Thu, 20:49:33 Yahoo: women fucking their pets
10 Jun, Fri, 06:34:36 Yahoo: Pre dinner Grace
10 Jun, Fri, 08:51:37 Yahoo: "pictures of marbles"
10 Jun, Fri, 09:29:35 Yahoo: dream tooth falls
10 Jun, Fri, 10:02:48 Yahoo: girl who like to such balls
10 Jun, Fri, 10:59:07 Yahoo: I hate Will Smith
10 Jun, Fri, 11:12:48 Yahoo: i fucked my younger sister
10 Jun, Fri, 19:41:12 Yahoo: i fucked my younger sister
11 Jun, Sat, 06:29:03 Yahoo: betraying friend poem
11 Jun, Sat, 11:19:01 Yahoo: jean benet ramsey
11 Jun, Sat, 14:15:58 Yahoo: i hate will smith
12 Jun, Sun, 16:42:47 Yahoo: GREEN DAY LYRICS SHANNANAGANS
12 Jun, Sun, 17:07:12 Yahoo: how do you use a tampon?
death cab for ugly.
dad: "so where is your bbq?"
phil: "it's just down the street, at kristen's house."
dad: "oh i know kristi."
phil: "you mean kristen."
dad: "yeah kirsten."
phil: "no kristen. you know her but do you know her name? haha."
dad: "well i know what she looks like."
phil: "yeah, what does she look like?"
dad: "she's a girl right?"
phil: "and?"
dad: "she has a face."
fool's golden eye
did you know garfield was the 22nd president, and he was a fat fuck who got shot in the chest and they couldn't remove the bullet because he's, again, a fat fuck?
i was at gusoline's tonite and on the juke, first of all, they played 2 wilco songs which were sweet to hear. second, when red house came on, i was so into the goove just closing my eyes (at the bar) and imagining jimi do his thing. but unfortunately, as the sweet art swirled around my head, so did the chatter chat noise coming from two squeaky girls who layered over red house a disatisfying urge to shut my mind of noise.
i enjoy watching people's social awkwardness around other people or subject matters. luckily that enjoyment isn't translated into the realm of physical torture.
lucky for your mom. i'd make her beg for the whole chode/choad.
i'm such a bad speller when i can't even spell chode/choad with confidence.
it's so crazy fucking hot today/
if bunny rabbits grew in trees, i would climb trees more often, to be oh so much closer to the cute fuzzy bunny rabbits.
curiosity didn't kill the cat, it was a murder suicide.
that last joke, well you pick if the cat was murdered or was the murderer and suicider.
if you lick my womb, i'll lick your womb
so today is friday and i'm doing work but really not mentally able to sustain as i typically do. when i say sustain, i mean work for 10-11 hours straight, taking breaks to piss/shit and get more mountain dew/asprin.
i will hopefully get to leave today by 3pm and go get some drinks during happy hour.
scattered brain
rooted vein
hard complain
self explained
whole contained
desired name
further flame
rippled stain
buttoned grains
fucking main
last 20 searches that landed on my site:
08 Jun, Wed, 03:21:52 Yahoo: a poem for a mom from her dead son
08 Jun, Wed, 09:54:59 Google: fillshe
08 Jun, Wed, 10:59:01 Yahoo: errotic
08 Jun, Wed, 17:28:49 Yahoo: son fakes mom.com
08 Jun, Wed, 18:15:45 Yahoo: I am such a fucking fem
08 Jun, Wed, 22:38:39 Yahoo: bonnaroo pictures
09 Jun, Thu, 01:15:14 Yahoo: www.balls in your mouth.com
09 Jun, Thu, 02:04:41 Yahoo: hymen breakage
09 Jun, Thu, 10:39:21 Google: fillshe
09 Jun, Thu, 10:59:26 Yahoo: body pillow and girlfriend
09 Jun, Thu, 17:14:00 Yahoo: rheri
09 Jun, Thu, 17:49:04 Google: fillshe
09 Jun, Thu, 18:28:08 Yahoo: the way Jamacan's talk
09 Jun, Thu, 20:03:28 Yahoo: his balls in her mouth
09 Jun, Thu, 20:49:33 Yahoo: women fucking their pets
10 Jun, Fri, 06:34:36 Yahoo: Pre dinner Grace
10 Jun, Fri, 08:51:37 Yahoo: "pictures of marbles"
10 Jun, Fri, 09:29:35 Yahoo: dream tooth falls
10 Jun, Fri, 10:02:48 Yahoo: girl who like to such balls
10 Jun, Fri, 10:59:07 Yahoo: I hate Will Smith
push in. fuck out.
so who wants to go with me to see the following bands:
Dinosaur Jr. (clutch cargos, approx $35 with s.c.)
Teenage Fanclub (st. andrews, approx $30 with s.c.)
Kings of Leon (clutch cargos, approx $35 with s.c.)
these are all sweet bands at sweet small ass venus. I don't have dates down because i'm a lazy fucker. i think they are all weekday dates.
for those who don't know, dinosaur jr. is out of seattle and j. mascis is, in my opinion, top 5 sweetest guitarists of our generation (90's). this is a reunion tour.
they used to open up for nirvana and are on the liner notes of the incesticide album.
teenage fanclub is a poppy seattle based band that kurt once said (paraphrase) "best band in america." they were playing a more poppy rock sound in the seattle scene during the rise of "grunge" rock. i think they may have also opened up for them.
kings of leon are my favorite rock band right now. (and i mean rock, not overall favorite). they are pretty sweet.
if you need further convincing on any of these bands, let me know and i will play some shite for your ears/years.
supposed to come but it's not
i forgot to mention that two nites ago, i had a strange dream about having to do a book report thesis paper. it was wierd, i know. the topic i wanted to do was on comic book characters but when i went into the comic book store, i felt like a loser (the same feeling i had when i was a kid at a comic book store, spending all my savings on spiderman and x-men comics).
so then i decided to do a book report on a rock n roll band. i think i choose a band like the sex pistols, but i can't remember the exact band anymore.
i'm eating this onion bagel right now which is great.
the pistons sucked last nite. wtf mate?
here come the "painbirds", sparklehorse (ddl)
i wish you wouldn't suck on that sharpie
my favorite part about breakfast is sitting there, knowing i have a full day of life ahead of me before i can return to sweet sweet slumber
actually i don't really like sleeping that much anymore, except lately as i've been so overworked (at work).
and i don't eat breakfast often. cereal is for kids and killers
music is an intigral part of my sedation.
andy,
i'm going to check now
to see if i have any cheques
coming from adsense
god bless iran
so i was so busy today i didn't even eat lunch. now for some people, like fatty chambers (paul and chris), this would be impossible as their need to eat outWEIGHS all that is holy.
i think my fingernails grow faster in the sun. so in the summer while i am outside more, they are on miracle grow. however, when they are in mrs. gorman where the sun don't shine, they are in zero cool timeless limbo.
my head really hurts.
i was going to water my lawn today but then fate smiled at me and created a thunder storm. so the impact is about to hit the dry dirt. and also, i'm sure fate will do something hilarous like strike me down with lightening or cause a downpour that would rival an r kelly porno.
by the way, nothing in this world can stop me from worrying about that girl, by the kinks (ddl) is one bad muther fucker. each time i listen i recall how sweet it is to be a guy who gets cheated on. to be honest, i used to associate this song with box and felt bad for the kid (i still feel bad for him but only because he must get frustrated with keith about 24 times a day). now i associate the song with me.
happy birthday johnny. i think i missed it yesterday. sorry. but i'll see you saturday.
stephanie//lisa//candy says
hey girl keep on walking by
thought while driving in this morning:
with what i lack in wit, i make up with in average height.
i just have to note this:
half the people who find their way to my site are accidental. they end up doing a variety of porn related searches, litterally like:
"black girl how smoke weed and fuck" (probably about mayer's real mother)
"OLD PUSSI" (probably about the pussi indiana/pussi alliance soccer team)
"bitch moaning sound" (probably about the nite magic johnson got HIV)
"girls with balls in there mouth" (probably an image ad search for how to improperly use the word "there")
3 and 0 in bag-o baby, tonite
it's upsetting/discouraging/disapointing/deflating when one realizes that someone significant in his/her life is no longer tangible*.
*defined any fucking way you fucking mean it.
i feel like the boxer shorts i accidently purchased/secured a few years ago that were once too big now fit just right. which means i'm almost as fat as (either) chambers.
i hate it when boxers don't fit my junk right while playing sports or while typing up a post on a blog where the pee hole sort of parts like your grandma and her bastard son called dad. and then the junk sort of just loiters there like a good fuck friend in the waiting room of an abortion clinic.
recently, i've realized a couple of traits that i find attractive in girls (this is not at all the entire list of traits i find attractive but "new(er)" traits that i have discovered as of last week:
1. girl is intelligent but not way smarter than me. i find it difficult to be as witty when people can call me out for an idiot. and all i have is my wit.
2. girl is interesting, interpersonal, engaging, entertaining, but not loud. there's a difference in what i just listed and "loud" or "consuming" and when i say consuming, i mean someone who takes up time and space, but for no good reason.
bbq for jane's goodbye was fun tonite.
messy box? use a tampon
and then there were two. and down 5, i was sure the p-dawgs were done for. but just like always, life proved me wrong.
oprah's weight loss secret? well it's masterbating 32 times a day.
i'm pretty sure after the game, hooper made wade suck his large horse rod for being a fuck. how do your ribs feel now with my balls clanking back and forth?
and it's official. summer is here. i now sleep without a top on.
and i'll out shit john scott any fucking day.
i'm pretty sure that a dog who just shat on the lawn gets pissed off when his/her responsible owner scoops up and bags the shite. because the whole point is to gain territory. oh and getting poo out of one's butt.
i always get the muffin
saying goodbye to someone you love is like throwing away the pills you take to stay happy.
sorry i'm not so creative and had to steal.
i didn't even want to say anything. i just wanted to hold for a moment. but the problem is, it's a moment, and when it passes, everything goes back to normal.
and i didn't want to say anything because there's nothing to say. plus, i felt the weather proceeding gave an accurate description of how i felt without the clumsiness of words.
right now, i feel like punishing my body to feel the ache that my heart feels. cigarettes and alcohol.
and after awhile, the feeling will pass. and that saddens me too. because this happened before already, and i know how things will be. i know how i will be.
and that's for the best right, except at the present tense, i don't want to give in. i want to hold on.
i'm usually not sad for a specific reason. rather, i am because of a malfunction or a chromosome flaw. something from nothing usually. but this time is a rare time that will carry weight for the rest of my waken career.
care take.
got the revolution
i highly highly doubt any of my friends have the album, surrealistic pillow by jefferson airplane. the only person who might have it is joe. but even then, i doubt he has or listens.
the album is righteous.
and now fleetwood mac: tusk is being played on my winamp on shuffle. random.
last nite i was with keith and box and then some other people at some country western bar in mt. clemens. it was interesting. to be honest, i wanted to go to check it out and see what the scene was like. i did not realize at all beforehand just how country western it really would turn out to be.
they did have a mechanical bull which was pretty sweet to watch silly fucks fly off like they were midget tossed. except, it was only fun for a short while and then i felt like i was at a strip club for too long, watching the same shit go down time and time again. HEY I'VE SEEN THAT ONE BEFORE, DO SOMETHING ELSE!
like stick a carrot up your ass clown.
i just put on ohh la la by rod the bod. (ddl). actually the faces version is better. this is a great great song and it also, separately, reminds me of duck and is luv for rod and for segar.
oh so last nite, box had the chance to go home with a 40 some year old chick who was wearing camo. you can't see me. box should have gone home and fucked her pony style. but he didn't. it would have been the funniest thing ever if he had. damn you. this is a pseudo conversation i just made up in my mind about box and teresa:
box: "hey baby, you're pretty for an old maid."
teresa: "thanks, want to penetrate my vagina? i got some lube because my pipes are too old to secrete any more."
box: "sure, do you happen to have a futton i can mount you on? i plan on pulling out at the last moment and cumming either on the futton or in the water cooler."
teresa: "i like the way you think. by the way, you remind me of my kid."
box: "ok, well i think this is too ridiculous to do tonite, but i'd like to have a raincheck. can i get your digits"
teresa: "sure, it's 46."
box: "blah blah blah."
hi, thanks for motoring away
i'm going to take a garden hose to your neck and slit your throat
if you're not in love with my be the 2nd trimester, then fucking abort. i'm not staying in this fucking relationship for the sake of the lil' bastard.
one time when i was fishing, i caught a big bertha the size of your mom. actually she was your mom. the bait i was using was cock. she just gobbled it up. torn the inside of her mouth too. eventually, i had to throw the fucker back because once a biter, always a biter.
sometimes i think i should go back to school. highschool that is. that's where all the confused honeys are, before they realize they're lesbos.
D.A.R.E. to be stupid.
where did those numbers come from?
deadweight dream clouding dark blue skies that never were quite as beautiful as the picture the artist took, digitally enhanced with a twist of lime and a dime bag. the light shining blindly behind was just bright enough to cast lingering shadows against the fall.
what part is funny?
lately, i've just had the urge to take a screwdriver and shove it into the side of my ear, through skull and brain and such to release the pressure.
and i'm not suicidal or really more depressed than normal.
i just feel like i'm losing sanity and need to just stab my brain to get back on track or something... or leak out the ghosts that won't vacate the premise.
i am pretty sure the last 63 months have been partial lies. i need to get to the bottom of this but i don't think that's actually possible.
i can't tell anymore lately if i am or not fucking crazy.
i love a "stranger"
so i'm sitting here in my boxers watching basketball and looking at an online ouiji board that is faker than the "i love you" your parents say to each other.
i think i'm losing my mind, quickly.
i find recently i can just let my mind go and it goes to wierd off lands. maybe not going crazy, but far(ther) from reality.
sometimes, there's no difference between "can't" and "don't feel like". deep down, of course there's a difference, but really the end result on the surface is the same.
actually, i take that back. sometimes "don't feel like" is worse because when one doesn't put in the effort sometimes, that alone is enough: both offensive and alarmingly blunt and truthful about the importance of things.
i rank things because ranking matters. most people rank but don't realize to what degree. i realize and furthermore realize the impact and necessity to rank.
this is how i am: i used to be dirt. i used to have a lot of sharp little stones on the surface that cut the bare feet of those who crossed my path. and then the fucking rain flooded down and washed all these stones away, and for the most part, people could walk on me and i didn't care and didn't react. my edge was washed away. but then the fucking traffic kept coming and wore down the dirt to unveil large unmovable stones under the surface.
really, what the fuck am i talking about?
clean-up on aisle 69
so you know when you see someone walking your way or whatever and you completely wish that person was dead because he/she sucks all that is lovely in this world with every moment you share?
and you walk faster or pretend like you didn't see?
well i do that and i did that today at work, but she caught up. heels and all. fuck.
and so i was like, "how was your long weekend?" as if i ever wanted to hear her stupid voice and long pointless stories about herself. she always talks about herself. she always tells me about the random fucks she goes out on dates with. why would i give a care? i just nod my head and smile. no fuck that, i don't even smile mostly. i just have a blank stare and nod my head, as if i'm giving head.
i mean box.
and so i walk towards the men's bathroom standing right next to it. and she just stands next to me. don't you get it? shouldn't you know i'm trying to escape or at least, at LEAST, take a shite or piss? give me that at least. how can you let me stand there and suffer through your shite while i'm shitting myself?
i hate so many people haha.
i was at the piston's game last nite because i'm awesome.
did you really think you were the only one?
the last thing i would need right now is a baby elephant. what would i do with a baby elephant? you know, baby elephants eventually become adolescent elephants. and those big fuckers are crazy. they're always growing... as a parent you have to constantly upgrade the clothes.
and then they get into drugs and girls/boys and masterbation. i mean when they discover the joys of masterbation, they are out of control.
have you ever seen a male elephant blow a load? or how about the stench coming from a female elephant's cooch after a couple fingers and an elephant tusk has been loitering around up there for a few days. it's pure swamp cooch. way worse than beached whale cooch.
and then they grow up and they treat you like they don't even know you. well fuck you. i remember when i used to sit you on my lap while watching the golden girls. and i'd laugh as blanche discovered she had aids and you'd laugh to my laugh. ahhh, the golden girls.
and all i really ever wanted was to harvest your ivory. bitch.
