Pseudo Control
i have come to realize,
the movement to institutionalize,
this thing that no one can control.
so the naive never see,
the confusion bleeding from you and me,
the enemy we have come to know.
i see you,
i see her,
a passer by,
a thoughtless blur,
planted seeds,
soul unsure,
a restless mind,
the point obscure.
i have come to realize,
the reason why i ache inside,
is because of my need to control.
i need to believe the choice i make,
is the right one for the road i take,
may be a lonely one i walk alone.
but in the end how will i ever know?
but in the end how will i ever know?
i see you,
i see her,
a passer by,
a thoughtless blur,
planted seeds,
soul unsure,
a restless mind,
the point obscure.
Addiction is Noise
cars and bars,
the two lonliest places,
with a cold fuzzy feeling,
one i want to replace,
i want to float by,
a habit i need help,
i want to kill the time,
i want to kill myself.
addiction is noise.
and addition to death,
a comforting stale taste,
drag on dragging life,
to the end not a waste,
i want to get by,
intoxicating my health,
the decision is mine,
i want to kill myself.
addiction is noise.
my rotting insides scream,
the miscolor of my spit,
the clumsiness of breath,
the watchful looks i get,
i fight yet i ride,
as deep down still resides,
a feeling i can't deny,
the hunger of suicide.
addiction is noise.
deep purple pale blue eyes
i'm still burning cds so this may suffer.
all that you suffer is all that you are.
i hate spending unnecessary money at the bar when often times i'd rather just stay at home. but it's good and important to go out. healthy for the mind and soul but unhealthy for the wallet. but it's important to make appearances and such. my buddy at work always says "just charge it to the game."
i wish i could have gone camping, not with jen harvey and her crew but with these other folks...
i climbed a tree today with missy. that was fun. i am scared of heights though so it was a bit uncomfortable.
i also cleaned up my hell hole of a room, although missy said it's still not clean/kept. i feel like the room is so much more empty now. and dustier-freer.
you're all i ask
you're all i need
such a beautiful beautiful face
you're all i ask
you're all i dream
such a beauty.
all i ask
is a chance
at romance
it's all i ask
and all i need
the circumstance
nothing fancy
just for everything to fall into place
you're all i ask
you're all i need
such a beautiful beautiful face
you're all i ask
you're all i dream
such a beauty.
all i ask
the ability
to test and see
that's all i ask
and all i need
is the circumstance
nothing fancy
just for your arms to fall into mine
you're all i ask
you're all i need
such a beautiful beautiful face
you're all i ask
you're all i dream
such a beauty.
i'm thinking of painting a black hole in the center of my heart.
i was at the thrift store the other day (first of off i didn't end up purchasing anything). but anyway, i saw a copy of hum: you'd prefer an astronaut which is wierd because i was just listening to that album the other day.
sidenote i'm in the process of burning like 300 cds so i've been burning them all day and it's really slowing down my computer right now, so as i type, there's a long delay before i see the letters which is interesteing and difficult and annoying because at times i'm making all sorts of typos but then don't realize until about 40 seconds later. really i'm typing blanks and then the letters all fall onto the page all at once.
so because of this i've decided not to worry about typos/mispellings. if you see any, that this is the reaon, or because i'm an idiot. and i meant resason. damn it. reason.
ok back to the point, so i saw that album of hum there at the thrift store. and although i unfortunately have no idea who this person is who donated this to the sal army, i do know this:
this person likes top 40 "stars" (ddl) which is a sweet song no doubt. however, this person was probably not so impressed about the other songs on the album and after having the damn cd in his collection for the past 10 years, decided it was time to part ways to make room for other cds that he bought because of top hit single worthyness, like the new lenny kravitz album or some shite.
fuck you guy. also that album by hum is so awesome. i almost bought it to take it off the hands of the sal army. because i'd feel really bad and partially responsible if some kid walked into the music corner of the sal army and saw that hum cd and just assumed the cd sucked because it was wasting away in a thrift store. at least if it was in a used record store in the bargain bin, you would know that the cd was either sold or traded in. in these thrift stores though, it's a pure donation.
fuck.
i wonder how ant hills are formed. i'd look it up but i am far too lazy. someone make up an answer for me please.
eye repeated
mom: "i like this watermelon but i think it's over cooked."
phil: "it's over cooked?"
mom: "yes."
phil: "you're talking about the watermelon."
mom: "yes it's a little too soft. you know it aged too long."
phil: "so you didn't cook it."
mom: "no, it's watermelon."
phil: "then you mean it's too ripe right, not over cooked."
mom: "yes, i wish it wasn't cooked as long."
[mental screams projected into outer space]
billy, i think i have an idea to make us millions (or at least hundreds) but i need your help.
help me implement/design.
sucks to be your ass
granted i was already tired and not feeling up for going out, i sucked it up and i did go out and then this stupid bitch girl keep bugging the shite out of me. i wasn't really ever into the music but i started swaying and getting more into it for awhile (live band by the way). meanwhile, wierdo bitch kept poking me and shit thinking it was funny and all i wanted to do was punch her in the face so that she would stop poking me and potentially even stop breathing.
if i tell you to stop, that means you're in the danger zone with me. and once you're in the danger zone, i probably hate you.
so don't keep doing something to me when i tell you to stop.
on a separate note, there seemed to be a room full of wasted people tonite at the bar. they weren't just drunk but wasted. and it's not that i care but it was just odd to see everyone and i mean everyone fucked up.
there also seemed to be a ton of lesbian couples there. how do i know, they were hardcore grinding and making out. i won't lie it was fun to watch, not because it was errotic or anything but because it was just interesting.
so you want to slap mud on my ass. hmmm, okay.
so this jehova's witness couple just stopped by, which is cool because they are all super friendly. however this is like their 4th trip to my household and they know all the parties that live here and it's just sort of wierd because they aren't selling god, but rather they are distributing materials with the hope to spark interest to sell god at a later date.
cash on delivery cods.
and anyway, this time around it was the couple but previous time for me at least, it was their teenage or twenty something daughter. and funny thing about that is that the kid was doing it. i just think that's so ineteresting to me because when i was that age and even now, i wouldn't do anything my parents or my "god" told me to do. i'd rather sit around and masterbate/fantasize about killing the birds chirping in the trees outside of my bay window.
i am currently working on burning a copy of the album by hum: you'd prefer an astronaut.
i'm planning on burning a lot of my mp3 cds to audio cds. i'll be expanding my cd collection for the next few weeks, doubling it.
fuck you ipod/tunes
i didn't mean it! i love you.
song from the diary of a teenage girl
skin draped over bones
so my outsides show
while my insides moan
a hum that reminds
a feeling that guides
the purpose and pride
i will get my way
i will get my way
you will see...
all my pain and fear
will disappear
as i disappear
i am now above
these silly needs
just comforts to me
i will get my way
i will get my way
you will see...
you don't understand
how it feels to live
without a distraction of something more
i live to feel
satisfaction from pain
this addiction has become the one thing i adore
it's so important
it's so important to me
don't you see
i will get my way
i will get my way
you will see...
i will get my way
i will get my weight
you will see...
if you look
you will see
when i started
all i wanted
was for you to look at me
in the mirror
things are clearer
my happiness is almost here
i can't stop eating the mixed nuts
even if things had been different, it would have ended up the same
in the long term
i need to stop thinking about the long term huh?
i don't believe in ghosts but i believe in hauntings.
memory/remember me.
movie songs 1 of x
here are some scenes in the movie i will one day write, these scenes are contingent on the fact that this song is played in teh background/foreground.
1. sigur ros: (1) - scene is the wake up scene in a movie. person gets up and lazily gets into shower.brushesteeth.grooms.etc. pulls out of his driveway, and lights a cig.
2. pink floyd: money - scene of a rainy day; it is a street shot separating two subdivisions, one new and rich and one old and poor. camera scans back and forth adn finally turns into rich. scene is typical troy subdivision with empty streets and suvs. although raining, all the spinklers are on.
3. big star: the ballad of el goodo - scene is suicide scene of college kid in a dorm on a friday nite. everyone is out except him. scene is black and white, until the knife melts the flesh. the blood in pentrating red.
4. pink floyd: mother - scene is in college in a film class. classmate's film shown. film is of jesus and mary magdalene but in the present day times. they are in love, but then jesus's mommy the virg. doesn't like jesus' girlfriend. oh, jesus' girlfriend is a guy.
5. buffalo springfield: kind woman - scene is in a dorm room and this guy and his friends are just spoking a fatty. and this guy looks up and see this girl, his friend, but for the first time differently. and everyone's laughing and he's just smiling his ass off because this is the first time he's felt the touch.
more to come someday
at chandler crossings
certain rejection in one's life is never fleeting, but constantly appreciating and growing with interest and confusion.
it's better to get packed by 100 meaningless ordinaries than 1 extrodinary. when you get hurt by wonder woman, there's no good way to pick up the scraps off the floor.
sometimes battles are waged without knowing. it's only in hindsight that you determine if you've won or lost.
wisdom is intelligence and experience mixed with a touch of i told you so
talking with smoke makes things a lot easier. if people really want to know though, tell them. but you'll be suprise how few actually bother to ask.
i remember so well the first time i met you, but i wonder if i will remember the last. and everything inbetween is like a short lived series, like my so called life. a fan favorite and i wanted more, but it was taken away by higher ups.
i want to get this tattoo but i think it might be too gay:
"i know you disagree with me, but i love you anyway"
i want to get the tattoo and i might this weekend. i'd appreciate comments from both guys and girls.
are you too good to tango with the mango?
i think i need to start selling those damn cheap imitation purses that look like authentic designer shite.
reason, this skirt at work has been selling them for a long time, but this week, has been bringing in the shipments into the office and selling. and all the honeys in the office circle round with saliva dripping off the chin.
i'd like them to circle around me. i'm sure one of them would accidently fall onto my cock.
aha, just kidding.
also i love it when people tell me i look tired in the morning. yeah, well you look fat in the light. i bet you like solar eclipses.
or is it lunar eclipses?
erin is a beautiful name. but aaron is ugly.
wouldn't that be funny if screenwriters would they couldn't think of anything more to say in a scene, just wrote in that the characters all of a sudden became out of breath for like a few minutes so that the scene would just consist of people panting, sucking for breath.
also taylor told me that i suck at the game "guess which hand it's in". and she's right, i guessed wrong one out of two times.
i'm going to in a sec
for those of you who use away messages to tell people what you're doing, please, pleas me.
don't use the message "out and about". that's so stupid. because that's what i'm assuming by seeing your damn away message up. the last thing i'm thinking is that you're "in and around". i mean, why would you put up an away message and then just be sitting there?
if you're going to go ahead and go defy me, then at least try and make it witty. instead, say "out and about and full of lame rhymes" because that's what you did, you made a lame rhyme.
also, if you're going to soil someone's sheets or pillow case, do it and do it well. and after, wash them up and make sure you tidy everything up the way it was before you bodily pleasures sinned the sheets/p-case. because there's nothing funnier than the fact the person didn't know you did that junk.
actually, it's still pretty fucking funny if they know, but then your chances of getting your sheets/p-case/face shat on increases expodentially.
when i see you again
my body a skeleton
pale and frail
wishing the one
i failed
will remember
and together
we can try again
when i see you again
it's so strange
the arrangement
the predicament
that we are in
i find
my mind
on occasion
a prison
a creation
of half truths
and half wishes
of envisions
of meant to be's
and gravity
other perspectives
not respected
the illusion
of voice
the confusion
of choice
the end
begins
the same way
with ache
the beginning
never changing
if potential
when circumstancial
each frown
marked down
each lesson
ever lasting
digust
disgrace
the choices
you make
four
i will ignore
three
i think maybe
two
that could be true
one
or is there none
hello i hate your face
i heard they are thinking of making a "friends" movie and will pay each $20 million to sell out.
first of all, the only way i'd ever pay to see that movie is if they all died* in it.
*or got crippled, i'm not picky.
second of all, why don't they make another "transformers" movies, with lesbians?
this one is very ambiguous huh?
the sunset so beautiful,
the horizon attainable,
memory of a dying day.
it's not just a passing phase,
it's a lingering bitter taste,
that you can't seem to shake away.
the hunger you can't ignore,
of the peace you had before,
the one thing you'll never trade.
so now the chance to take a chance,
despite the passing of romance,
just another along the way.
you know you're just like me,
which is why you don't like me,
you know there must be something more.
you know you're just like me,
which is why you don't like me,
you know there must be something more.
the sunrise regretable,
the moment forgettable,
on the day of still remains.
it's not just a passing face,
in the mirror you can't erase,
the reflection won't wash away.
the model houses kill the core,
won't sell your soul so can't afford,
refusing ever to be trained.
so now the chance to take a chance,
despite the passing of romance,
just another along the way.
you know you're just like me,
which is why you don't like me,
you know there must be something more.
you know you're just like me,
which is why you don't like me,
you know there must be something more.
tell me
what happened
you're so strange
your ways were so strange
you are a circle with edges
you are a puzzle
impossible
to solve
i try and i've tried
and for what no reward
yet still
i need
to figure you out
not for the prize
not for the pride
but because
i've already spent
so damn long trying
what happened
when did you lose
whatever it was you once had
whatever it was that once
satisfied
always searching
but in the wrong corners
we watch and wonder
we stare and ponder
we follow you
hands and knees
scratching and clawing
at walls that give
nothing to the effort
how many years ago
twenty
at least ten
at least
what happened
the music stopped playing
for everyone else
it's no longer soothing
but heart breaking
and mind quaking
eyes swell to hide
ears turn deaf with time
your language that you speak
is no longer human
with life on mute
i don't hear
i'm not here
you don't know
you're not aware
as sicken lips and tongue
speak from the one
who never said
who never said
too late
what happened
i'll ask again
what happened
that would turn things
out the way they are
inside the blinds are closed
green bricks stacked high in rows
a mighty fortress
for those outside
that live their life
with envy and pride
but for those inside
the truth in time
of a prison built
that keeps in sin
and keeps out guilt
you've always wanted
a house so pretty
to compliment your ways
cheap and petty
let me
remind you
what you have become
you are
what i am
in the dark
you are
my insides
ripped apart
what happened
tell me what happened
i'll give you a hint
i happened
is it labor day or memorial day? i always mix the two.
billy's mom is great. well, i like her a lot at least.
i don't pray because i don't believe in god.
at times like these i wish i did so i could get an edge and hopefully get what i want.
good luck.
rich and smooth like will smith if he weren't a fuck
tips on life, for women:
1. if a guy tells you "you have beautiful eyes" you probably have very small boobs, otherwise he would have been too busy staring to notice your shite eyes. and you're ugly.
2. don't use the same coathanger for multiple abortions. it's just bad luck.
3. if a guy likes you, you'll know it. because he'll try and have sex with you.
sidenote, rather than a diet coke, why don't they make a fatty coke, like with chocolate mixed in or pieces of butter? i'm specifically thinking about paul when i suggest this invention.
i reject your timing
if i had a dollar for everytime i started a "then" statement with "if i had a dollar for everytime i...then...", then i would say "if i had a dollar for everytime i..." a lot more often, and be rich*.
*rich and annoying
i need someone to realize i have some sort of talent writing and publish my work and get my paid. because some of this shit is golden and the cows will come to eat it up.
fat cows.
i'm cynical
and doubtful
that what is beautiful
isn't aweful
it seems
i see
and breathe
differently
i see the black
eclipse the white
i dreams of days
but live in nites
and time will tell
that you all will
so you might as well
say you mean well
but i know
most of you
mean the same
the same
as me.
god damn chicken shack and blogger fucking up my rotation
i'm so mad right now at this damn thing. i just lost my posts.
key thoughts:
my mom thinks we got a bargain at chicken shack today because we substituted $.85 coleslaw for 6 $.20 rolls.
my mom thinks fried chicken is healthy if the outside fried part is golden. she doesn't like eating the skin, but likes the crunchy, fried, unhealthy part.
there was more. damn you fucking blogger.
it could have been you. but it should have been her.
couple of things.
miles davis is crazier than logic.
i decided tonite that for my 4oth b-day, i want to go to amsterdam and have my midlife crisis there. billy and nic already said they will come with.
i don't need a harley or a mistress when i'm 40. i just need to re-evaluate my life and chill the fuck out of my mind.
also, if i'm not in a serious relationship or don't have any significant prospects at a certain age (TBD), then i'm going to just give up and eat all the food i want, all the time. just like john popper.
i'm so tired i'm debating.
of debating.
something's gotta turn out right
i'm sure i've used that title before.
sad thing, i was just flipping through channels and saw some talent show thing and this boy (maybe 12 years old or 14) was going to play drums (solo) over a recording of some shite song, adam's song, by blink 182.
and it made me sad for two reasons. first, this kid likes blink 182. enough said.
second, this kid was drumming ontop of a shite recording rather than playing live with people.
and you think you have it still? heaven inside you.
ask me what this poem is about
my obsession
my addiction
my destruction
my affliction.
is your perception
your beliefs fiction
a combination
of narrations.
the conclusions
from boxed up prisons
a representation
of your confusion.
the illusion
their presentation
molds your opinion
of misconception.
the information
lost in translation
fueled by religion
societal decisions.
drives your delusion
and your conclusions
these contridictions
are fucked up reasons.
well my prediction
and my suspicion
is you're fishing
so ask the question.
complete the mission
do the lynching
as i'm laughing
at the lesson.
your transformation
your substituation
your complication
of the situation.
my extinction
from consideration
my substitution
your realization.
for my obsession
my addiction
my destruction
my affliction.
is your perception
your beliefs fiction
a combination
of narrations.
welcome home cammie
camster rhymes with hamster near rhymes hamper close to hamburger.
and the question is, how many hamburgers will i eat today? and we're not talking about shitty sliders.
last nite couple things:
1. never go out to a place with more than 2 groups of friends. last nite i went out with 3 different groups and it was impossible to juggle. even 2 groups are difficult and annoying. don't ever do 3 or more.
2. having said, it's hard also when there's two girls you're interested in at the bar. you want to devote attention to both but if you're like me and an idiot, and then split time evenly, you end up with nothing at the end of the nite. i should have focused on one and at the very least, made the second feel jealous or make it seem like i'm not that into the second, which matters when starting off sometimes... it did matter in this circumstance.
3. i just went to try and pay my discover card just now (ok i guess this isn't something from last nite but fuck off), and so i go into the web browser and type in "www.d" for discovercard.com and it automatically populates "www.devonxxx.com" which i'm sure is a porn site my brother was looking at. anyway, thought i should share.
4. i was asked a very difficult question yesterday and asked to be honest with my response. and i was and i don't really CARE that much, but yet don't put me in that situation dude. i mean you should have known anyway, so that's why it doesn't matter that i tell you, but you put me in a really fucked up situation. you backed me into the corner.
if you don't want me to lie to you, then don't ask certain things. i hate to lie about most things especially to people i like or respect. but god damn don't think i won't if i have to.
but i didn't have to so whatever. fuck.
so this message is for billy. i'm listening to nirvana right now at work and it's very difficult, especially on a friday, for me to sit here and do work rather than jump around and smash things or scurry home and rock out on a guitar.
my palms are like lakes.
i take my music very seriously. both the music i listen to and the music i write.
thoughts from this morning:
1. after i take a shower, there's more hair at the bottom of a shower drain than what's on big foots's nads.
2. my car yesterday had a midlife crisis at 54,000 miles. i had to drop $300 in the morning getting shit fixed and have to go back and drop another fucking $600. i should just drop it and buy a younger, cheaper, faster model. super model.
i wish cars didn't fall apart with time. just like boobs, gravity always wins and things break down.
3. scary spice was always my favorite spice as she always seemed like she'd be a rough rider in bed. she could probably tear it off, like connie chung.
4. people who say they "look good", as in referring to themselves probably are ugly either outside and in denial, or ugly inside. like rotting ugly. in fact, there needs to be a hyphen there. "rotting-ugly" or "rotting-ug".
5. i bet a lot of people feel bad or guilty about having sex (hardcore and/or softcore) or masterbating on sundays. and then there are others who don't give a fuck and they probably masterbate religiously on sundays.
can i get an AMEN? can i get a wake and bake or a wake-up-sodomy?
knock knock, who's there? your dying libido
so work sucked again today.
here you go chelle:
[phil walks in the door after stressing in a 10 hour straight work day]
mom: "so work was busy today?"
phil: "yes."
mom: "do you still pull and look at reports?"
phil: "yes, that is exactly what i do as a media planner mom."
dad: "i thought you majored in communications."
phil: "communications studies and psychology."
dad: "so you talk all day right? i always thought you were good at communicating."
phil: "dad, i did communications studies, the study of the media. like effects of television and violence. i've told you this about 20 times seriously."
dad: "oh, then what do you do*"
phil: "i'm a media planning."
dad: "so you pull reports and have to report to people right? you present right? well i'm sure your major helped with your communication."
phil: "dad, i'm going to fight you."
*i've been working at the same job for 2 full years and one summer before as an intern and they still don't know what i do.
remember when you didn't like people in a sexual way? those days both sucked and ruled.
some poor asian girl last nite was hitting on me. how do i know? because i told a pretty long and boring and off tangent story (as usual) but this one i tried to not be funny at all, as the girl was asian and i don't do that. so yet, she kept so intent despite my attempts to flee the scene of the crime, like that horse after he fell on chris reeves' legs.
nice try you chinky.
nine inch nail biter
does anyone remember the mcchicken sandwiches from mcdonalds when they first came out on the $1 menu? i swear they used to come with pickles. well i had two tonite for dinner and they didn't come with picks, but the entire time i was trying to imagine how great they would have tasted while getting a blowjob.
i mean if they had pickles on them. pickels. damn spelling.
tonite i went to my friend's fund raiser at this bar. she tended bar and part of the revenue and tips went to cancer research. anyway, a ton of work people were there, some of which were people i don't see that often as we work on different floors and lead different work lives. anyone i recieved 5 separate comments about my hair. people kept saying how i was going for the long hair look and how i was growing it out.
they kept making it sound like i had a new strategy so brilliantly different than the past strategies.
and of course i'm growing it out. hair is constantly growing out.
i have to get up extra early tomorrow to take my car to the shop. i think i'm burning oil. i don't really know as i know nothing about cars. well actually, i can tell which way a car is going by it's headlights. that's a paraphrased version of a mitch joke.
i found out tonite dinosaur jr. is doing a reunion tour. who wants to go with me? he is a sweet guitarist. sweet as in wicked.
i'm so tired i could fall asleep mid push/pull inside your mom's cooch.
johnny wants to suck on a coke
hey, if normal shits are like floating down a gentle stream, then corn shits* are like going down some rocky rapids.
*corn shits are when you eat corn at a previous meal and fail to digest so that the corn sticks out like thorns in your poo^.
^the thing** that comes out of your ass
**not a bloody gerbal, condom, or drugs^^
^^ are great
fanatic sonic youth in asia
i felt bad today writing an email to a vendor we work with whom i am friends with some of the workers because it was pretty formal and a little harsh, almost threatening. i felt bad because i care about some people. but it had to be done.
i have been a huge huge fan of sleep lately. i normally don't like to sleep so much. i mean i like to sleep because i am tired and i need to, but lately i've been really hungry for more bed time. i really look forward to it. i think in my old age, my abuse to my body has caughten up to me.
i used to love charles barkley when he used to just play and not talk like a fuckhead fuck. i hate his face and his fat.
i hate it. hate it. when someone says, "oh the new girl/my friend is really cute, BUT she's got a boyfriend." people are idiots. why don't you save me some time and prevent minor heartbreaks by saying "oh the new girl/my friend's got a boyfriend, BUT she's really cute. it makes a huge difference really.
i had more to say but i give up tonite. die already.
i'm fucking losing it, my friends my friends i've got a gun, but i got to. that's ok man cause i love god
stem cell research study results are in! cigarettes save lives.
yes that's right, cigarettes save lives. how? simple. by living a long and cancer free life, you actually take away resources from younger, more healthier people. yes, you are a stealer of resources, a thief to the future!
fuck you thieves.
remember, thou shall not steal unless your mom.
UNLESS YOUR MOM!
i was right, today sucks (terribly).
i feel like digesting tobacco to induce vomitting so that i can puke all over people's faces.
i'm chewing gum to "help" relax. it doesn't "help", but i get to use unnecessary quotation marks.
okay, back to hell.
push me pull me foreplay
there's nothing like starting off the work day with some alice in chains, dirt (ddl).
some people are so picky about their titles at work. i asked this girl if this new hire was her new boss. "no, well yeah she gives me assignments but she doesn't like right up reviews about me. we both have a supervisor that does that."
you're her assistant. she's your boss. end of that.
i have a feeling today will suck.
list of things i am thinking of
my eyes burn like i was the ghost rider.
i cannot find my copy of the crow soundtrack. does anyone know where it is?
it's always about the girl and if i say it isn't, then it's a lie.*
*see me for specific details
i stole that pin but i won that sticker
i played guitar for a couple of hours today until my fingers became raw... but it was worth it as i laid down the foundation of two new songs... billy you will like one of them because it sounds riff based.
seems like a lot of people have been getting screwed lately.. damn bad luck:
1. yount's car broken into and work laptop stolen
2. jane's car gets hit by a hit and run
3. my work computer crashes and i lose a ton of digital pics/videos
4. paul/squirrel is fat
5. hockey season is locked out
6. that whole slavery thing (for "colored" folk)
7. me speaking my mind instead of doing and now stuck always wondering about _____
8. the new pope selected is catholic
if you actually missed my postings while i was gone, you probably don't masterbate enough.
or you masterbate too much.
i wish i were blank.
mom, am i a butch or a fem?
first things first, while i was in chicago this past weekend on holiday, my parents went to a wedding reception for one of their friend's sons. the son has a brother who is my age. this is the conversation my mom had about that:
mom: "so i saw ben at the reception on saturday too. i thought he had [a] girlfriend but he's like you, and doesn't have anyone who likes him."
phil: "thanks mom."
my body really hates me right now for my weekend exploits. you know it's bad when you have bruises on your thighs from resting your elbows (and then also head) while loitering on the toilet.
i'm really really not feeling it. i'm going to lay down. more to come maybe.
i told some people today at work that jane was a cheerleader in highschool. they were like, oh really? i cannot believe. she doesn't seem like a cheerleader.
i was like, what does she seem like?
"a stoner"
NEW and IMPROVED!!!! see-through windows!
i was listening to some songs today at work and it felt like my heart was breaking
side note i think part of this is due to withdrawl from cancer sticks.
also another sidenote is i think i will be smoking many this weekend. up in smoke.
and is side note sidenote or side note. did anyone just understand that? also sidenote/side note, i remember heather menzies says that term a lot. i also remember she didn't get me a free beer at the concession stand she works at in oakyard yard on the date of my birth. thanks.
and fuck using quotations already. if you didn't understand what i'm saying or what i said, then reread. and if you still don't get it, then give up and jump out the window.*
*unless you're only on the first story. then climb up to the top floor of said structure and then jump. if you survive, wash rinse and repeat.
ok back to the heart breaking. i really like listening to sad emotional songs that make me feel like i'm 15% homosexual. men with feelings = fag = cigarette = happiness
and so i associate certain heart breakings and certain songs with certain people and moments in my life and so i was thinking about certains today in the drive in and that just makes the song so much better. better as in sadder.
billy was right, i like sad stuff. cobain screams "i miss the comfort of being sad." how great is that?
you might understand that line as in you understand what that means. english mother fucker, you speak it. that's probably it though for most of you. because unless you've been, you don't know. and if you don't know, then i'm glad for you. and i hope you never know.
my favorite song of all time is take me down to the infirmary by cracker (ddl). it's about just being around people so you don't feel so sad or lonely. it's about being around people so you don't have to drink or sleep alone.
i'll take a box of condoms and two vaginas
i cannot believe the pistons lost tonite. i was watching the first and was like, man we're going to blow out the paces by 40. instead we lost by 10 or so. what happened man?
i guess these are some lucky numbers for me:
24
13
33
19
9
2
remember when you were a kid and people would read you stories and you'd listen and it'd be fun? and then you grow up and the only time people to you is when:
1. a cop is reading you your rights
2. the bartender is reading your tab/bill
3. i'm sleepy and i don't remember where i was trying to go with this
you're a sight
for sore eyes
for they are raw
from crying
for hurting
for missing
while you're gone
and before all along
your personality makes me so sad.
You know, every once in awhile you want to send an invite to a large mass of people and you go through your email address book looking through, clicking and adding names left and right.
but then you inevitably run across a number of people that are borderline worthy of inviting. and you wonder with fear and amusement whether you should add them or not. What if you don't invite them and they find out from someone else and get all pissy. worse yet, what if they show up after a pity-invite? fuck no.
dang. i wish it were clear cut for EVERYONE as to who is a friend, who is a foe, and who is in friendship-limbo. it's the damn friendship limbo-ers that always fuck you over.
and all of this stemmed when i saw someone else's email. i looked to see who they invited and there were so many people on the list that should be marked as part of the person's friendship limbo. it was sad to actually see who was invited because going through the list made me realize how sad this person's life could be, if denial weren't a factor.
treble and tremble: like elliott smith with less suicide
"so does my ribcage look fat?"
this was a serious question asked today at lunch. i actually took a lunch today because:
1. i don't have THAT much work to do today
2. i felt like it
3. i'm feeling really lathargic and hence, felt the need to step away from the laptop and veg while eating my veg(gies) and meats (and rice).
i ate lunch with 4 girls. me and 4 girls. you would think that'd be great except the girls are/were not interesting at all. they are like the norm.
i was giving advice to one girl who was asking my opinion on how to let a guy down easy that she doesn't want to see anymore. she wanted to do so nicely. i told her two things:
1. say you're really a dude.
2. just tell him you don't like him at all.
one cannot take these things personally right?
sorry with bombarding you with so many questions.
happy scrappy suicide
so yesterday i was at the mayer residence picking up something for mayer to take to chicago. and it occured to me this morning that he's going back to troy with us after our little weekend trip to chicago. so why did i have to pick it up if he could easily bring it back anyway? i don't know.
i guess i should mention what i picked up. it was an autographed picture of darko, of the p-dawgs. in the picture, you can see the tape over his gay-rings (earings). either that, or he just has tape on his lobes for no reason.
now i was thinking, maybe mayer wanted to have the picture in his apartment ASAPF (as soon as possible fuckface) as the p-dawgs are in their playoff run. then i was thinking, wait, darko sucks.
they showed his stats on the monday game. last season, in 30+ game appearances, he averaged something like a sweet 1.2ppg. this season, he's averaging also in 30+ game appearances something like a 1.6ppg. that's like a 33% increase in performance.
he's just always riding the bench but he's supposed to have all this potential skill. and then he gets to play at the end of blowouts, either pistons winning or losing piss poorly. and so i feel like darko's career is like cialis. when the moment comes, will you be ready? and he never is. he sucks.
i had more wierd dreams last nite but i don't care to write them down now.
and remember, you can't spell "anal sex" without "anal".
cereal killer
so i pull into my driveway today and notice.
the house next door is gone.
yes folks, the house next door that had caught fire a few months back is now leveled. or at least i think it is. to be honest, i'm not sure, as it's not there and i was not present when whatever happened to it happened.
i guess they will be rebuilding that shit for the next few months. sweet, probably won't cause any loss of sleep.
some people at work today were talking about smoking pot and getting munchies as the cause why some people (i guess what they'd probably call "hippies") are fat(ter).
i know from personal experience, that you don't have to be smoking drugs to have the munchies. you can also either be hungry, or just have snack foods all around you. don't you hate that? even when you're not hungry, the prescence of snacks requires you to munch.
also drugs help. or so i read in the bible. oh and also through the preachings of Spicoli.
Sept 23 - 25, 2005
hey who wants to go to this with me...?
SERIOUSLY.
http://www.aclfestival.com/festival/default.asp
somewhere a clock has stopped
i had a fucked up dream last nite. i dreamt i was on the 2nd floor of a mall with a crowd of people and for some reason, i was paranoid of people finding out that i was a criminal of sorts. i don't really know what kind of criminal i was, except i do know i had all sorts of guns strapped on me and a samurai sword. and we were at some sort of demonstration or something. i just know, all of a sudden, i felt the need to flee. and jane was standing next to me, pretending to absorb the demostration but secretly plotting to capture me. so i whipped out my concealed sword and swung it near her legs making her jump and fall out of the way. i remember i did so purposely as i did not actually want to hurt her but wanted to slow her down so she couldn't capture me.
then this co-worker guy named matt who was also after me saw me and ran after me. i lept off the 2nd floor and starting threw my sword as if it was a boomerang at him. while the sword was in mid-flight, i pulled out two guns and started shooting around the people in the mall hoping matt would stop chasing me in order to help people. but i wasn't really shooting at the civilians. or was i? i'm not really sure about that.
then i caught the sword and took a smoke bomb and got lost in the crowd.
then i woke up.
own it this tuesday on dvd
the life aquatic officially comes out in 21 minutes or so. i will wait, however, for a few months until the price drops below $19.99. i saw that movie on a date. i thought that was wierd. i don't think i will ever not associate the movie without thinking about that date.
it was an interesting nite because i realized certain life changing things. i guess nothing i didn't realize previously, but it just became apparent.
i think stephanie and chris are so good for each other. she is a sweetheart. he is chris. haha. but they make a good couple. but they aren't a couple. are they? curious.
you can just tell she is going to be a long term loving pleasing woman to her hubby. she will be faithful to the bitter end.
had some people over for the stones game tonite. i don't really like having large groups of people over, but this was limited. i had a good time. i ended up buying a case of beer thinking i should be a good host and supply. i really think watching squirrel do it nite in nite out every weekend has sprinkled some of that mentality into the back of my mind. it's spring time. it's starting to really sprout.
by the way mayer and everyone else, "squirrel" is paul's new nickname.
smitten bitten broken spoken
on my ride home from work, i was listening to a mitch hedberg interview. his wife lynn was also on the radio interview. she said that all the guys she's ever dated thought she was their soul mate. she just has that effect.
and i believe you have that effect. i think i told you that before?
now that scares me. because when i meet greatness, i rarely believe i'm the only one who sees it. for such a long time i only dated girls with fucked up issues. i thought i could see the diamond in the rought. the potential. always about the potential.
but with greatness, everyone wants a piece. and i cannot compete. i mean, i will compete and i do, but in the end, i am who i am and all i can do is be an "option". and then it's your choice. she has the power.
well i want to meet a girl who claims i'm her soul mate. and then i want to break her heart. crushed like sardines.
now why would i lie about something like that
i was thinking about the scene in pulp ficion when vincent vega is standing in front of the mirror, talking about loyalty. he wants to fuck mrs. mia wallace. he wants to fuck her and she wants to fuck him. they had a moment. it was there. and they are great together and equally fucked up on drugs.
but he doesn't because loyalty is important to him.
and this scene reminded me of this one person who used to tell me over and over again what a great friend i was because i was so loyal and caring and always there no matter what shit the clouds were raining down.
and then i stopped being so much that way. i stopped not only with her but with general people. i stopped because i became worn down and tired.
i used to want to be a psychologist or a highschool counselor because of my "gift" for caring. i care way too much about people even when i hate or dislike them. i knew i was good. i knew i helped. and i could help because i could relate. but i got tired of that.
and then katie cheated on me and that ruined any chances of recovering from my slow descent. i just had to care more for myself, which meant caring less for people.
am i loyal? fuck yes. i'm still loyal. i will stand up against a crowd in the name of a friend. the problem is, i only consider a few to be friends these days. everyone else is replaceable. to think so many people are your friends is to not think. be realistic.
i'm loyal and i still care way too much, but i'm me, and i realized a long time ago, i cannot bear the weight of the world and the weight of their worlds. and i shouldn't have to, not all the time at least.
but i think back about some people i used to be considered "loyal" to and i wonder if they feel i have betrayed them to some degree. i definitely have dismissed many. i've gone through my closets and emptied out the clutter. and i did not bother to try and salvage by garage selling. rather, i through them into the incinerator.
i'm more jaded now. i'm more raw. but the people who are my friends get me because i'm genuine to and with them.
sorry if i let you down. but at some point in time in my life, you let me down in some degree.
5 quarters, a nickle, a dime, and a blue gray crayon
if cookies grew on trees, i wonder if there would be any real threat for deforrestation.
| Your True Birth Month Is October |
Selfish
Decisive
Romantic
Emotional
Concerned
Daydreamer
Sympathetic
Just and fair
Loves to chat
Bad tempered
Loves outdoors
Very opinionated
Strong clairvoyance
Attractive and suave
Easily lose confidence
Always making friends
Does not lie or pretend
Touchy and easily jealous
Inner and physical beauty
Treats friends importantly
Seldom helps unless asked
Easily hurt but recovers easily
Soft-spoken, loving and caring
Loves those who love in return
Spendthrift and easily influenced
Does not care of what others think
Loves to travel, the arts and literature |
tim duncan is boring to watch
i'm in an incredible amount of pain right now. back and neck... two unnecessary regions of the body. moving sara out and playing two soccer games (back to back) is killing me smalls.
so i'm taking this bayer now. i didn't want to previously as it almost made my heart stop last time i took some doses. let's see if i wake up tomorrow.
i find it amusing for no reason whatsoever, whenever people have messenger away messages that say exactly what they are doing and with whom. it's like they are bragging or something. i mean otherwise, why post it? so the people on your list can see and stalk you down? hunt you like wild buffalo?
i'll admit it i do it too at times. but when i read someone's away message, i almost never expect to gain possession of that sort of knowledge. i'd much rather get insight on a random thought someone happened to have while posting. if i really want to know what's going on with someone, i'll pick up this thing called a phone and call.
i know this is just me being picky. the whole thing just interests me a bit.
sidenote, this all stemmed from me reading someone's away message whom i don't really like and me asking myself "i don't give a fuck that you're watching sunday nite television with what's his face." then again it's my fault for checking (addictively).
how old am i again? god i am such an internet fiend.
i found out tonite that my brother, who is in law school, is not planning on getting any job during this summer. rather, he's taking more classes in order to expediate his schooling. but the thing is, and i'm sure mayer can vouch, is that when you're trying to work your way into the field of law, it's just as important the work experience and networking connections one recieves as it is the grades one gets. the grades help you get those internships/and shit. my brother is an idiot. he is just lazy and doesn't want to work.
if i wake up tomorrow with this neck and back soreness, i'm going to call and sick and kill myself. actually, that's a lie. i'm going to go to work like a bitch/robot and make the shite wage that i need to keep my pockets full of hope for a bright future.
i was just looking at monster.com. 10+ years of relevant work experience? shit.
dad, you're fired for sleeping with mom
ok i just looked for an hour on hands and knees all over my bedroom for this damn cvs rebate that my mom sent in under my name, and hence, the rebate was sent to my home.
i knew i had seen the rebate about a month ago but kept forgetting to bring it to my mom's. so she asked again for it today. the rebate is only for $3.
i looked through all this junk mail and non-junk mail. i couldn't find it. i looked through drawers, in corners, in backpacks, in magazines (in case the rebate got stuck inbetween...). i looked through everything. i felt like giving up. it's only for $3 damn it.
chris chambers and taylor chambers popped in. they were getting slurpees from 7-11. in the neighborhood and such. so, they just came in the front (door was open) and came into my room.
good thing i wasn't doing a girl. hahahahha. that's a JOKE.
and then they left. and i had one desperation spot to still look. i knew i had found other random things in this place before, so it wasn't the most ridiculous thing that the rebate could be in there.
so i opened up the mini-fridge in my bedroom (yes i'm living like a fucking college student). guess what? besides the salsa and my lunch for tomorrow, there was the damn cvs rebate.
yes, i just "saved" $3 and a scolding.
happy mother's day
phil: "mom, shouldn't we have that food sitting out in the refridgerator? the food's been sitting out for at least 4 hours now."
mom: "well, ah, no because, well i... i thought you were going to eat at 5:30, so it wasn't that long."
phil: "that still would have been over 4 hours."
mom: "but it's not that hot now. the temperature isn't that bad."
phil: "the temperature for the food needs to be much closer to that of the refridgerator, otherwise it's too hot."
mom: "no it's not like it's 80 degrees. the food is fine. the other food i've packed for your lunch is in the refridgerator. so all the food we're not eating right away is in there."
phil: "i guess my point is i don't know why we don't just keep our food cold, so it doesn't rot."
mom: "i don't want to cool things if we're just going to reheat later to eat."
sidenote: my mom once YELLED at me for clearing the table and putting leftovers into the refridgerator because she wanted the food to cool on the counter first, stating, "if you put warm food in the refridgerator, it will cost more money because the refridgerator will need to use more electricity in order to keep the temperature at the stable level."
i need you like i need sourballs
man, i am so sore. i helped my friend sara move out of her apartment into a new one yesterday morning/afternoon. it was a long process from just after 10am until about 3:30pm. today, my muscles are crying out in angst.
she moved because she wanted to get a puppy. i guess that'a great reason.
sara and jen are afraid to sleep alone. they are afraid of intruders. that suprises me sort of. because something, at some point in time, did some thing to their heads making them paranoid of rape kill rapes. i don't know what, but it's intriguing.
i mean i hate sleeping alone or being in a house alone, except then i can pump up the porn and not worry about being caught jerking off onto my roommates' toothbrushes and facial washes.
i stay over at squirrel's/goldbond's house way too much on the weekend. it's every friday and every saturday. seriously. i wish the couch i always crash on was about 3 inches longer. that way my neck wouldn't scrunch up on the edge.
i'm actually pretty particular about sleeping. here are a number of things i need in order to sleep well at nite:
1. socks on my feet
2. some sort of blanket to cover my legs and chest
3. a special pillow for my neck/back
4. a bonus pillow for inbetween the legs
5. a disappointing reason to end the nite/go to sleep
o. no the o.c.
i wish i had gone on spring break when i was still "young" enough to. i bet my life would have turned out significantly different. like i wouldn't die a virgin.
just kidding.
also it was wierd just now because i just typed out a joke i made spur of the moment at billy's just now.
not recognize your laugh
i feel like crap right now. and i feel like carp for dinner.
my body feels filthy. i should not have smoked last nite. smoked two cigs. and a cigar. and some stacks. i smoked smoke stacks.
i don't feel like working now. this feeling overtakes me each and every friday afternoon. i am so productive throughout the week, but then when noon comes along on a friday afternoon, i magically turn into a fiver/jobber.
people that are gone for the weekend:
box
squirrel/goldbond
k
not sure what i'll do tonite and shit. maybe nothing. maybe fall in love.
i felt like chris columbus tonite,. like i was exploring new territory in the sense that i could read the future justb ased on what people were doing and shit.
hold up bathroom break.
so it's always fun to people watch. and doing that is liking watching the goddamn
i'm drnunk and i'm done.
i now completely hate will smith
ok, so i thought about whether i should post this dream or not but i am since it did happen, in my dream.
i was getting this spa treatment for my back and stuff as i have chronic back problems. everything was going well. i was feeling rejuvenated and relaxed and shit.
i was faced down on my stomach and for some reason, i had like a sweater and jeans on. i'm not sure why i was so heavily dressed.
anyway, then i feel this hot stream hit my body, and i smell it. it's piss. i turn around, and will smith is peeing on me. i'm like, fuck off man, but he doesn't stop. and i'm almost paralyzed with astonishment at the event that i cannot move. after he's done, my clothes are all soaked.
this reporter then comes up to will and is interviewing him. he askes, "despite recent negative p.r. surrounding the r. kelly scandel, you still went ahead and pissed on someone. were you not afraid of the consequences?"
or something like that.
also, this dream sucked. i woke up and was like, WTF MATE IS THIS THE END OF THE WORLD?
king midus flower hour
these are pick up lines i'd use if everything i touched turned to gold:
a) you remind me of the last girl that i r.k.r.d.'d*
*rape-kill-rape-dumpster
b) i saw you from across the room and had to meet you. do you mind if i crawl up into your womb?
c) i feel like i've met you before, like the last time i masterbated.
d) hi, do you want to buy me a drink?
e) you know you remind me of fat rosie o'donald
just your basic choke job
remember fat bastard? "get in my belly." yeah he was annoying.
remember your mom? always calling me late at nite to "stuff" her. yeah that was one crazy summer of '87.
i just watched the chicago bulls come back from behind 22 points to tie the fucking wizards. what a crazy game. now the wizards just won with a last .2 seconds left.
ever notice that when you're in a band, you refer to it is "my band" in conversations to others, as if you were el presidente or something. even if you're a drummer. even if you're just a drummer.
sorry chris/jimmy/ everyone who drums and is lowest on the band food chain.
kfc in the morning. sexy specs at nite.
phil: "i won't be back on friday or saturday at all."
mom: "what about sunday."
phil: "yeah, i'll be back."
mom: "do you know what day that is?"
phil: "yes it's mother's day."
mom: "oh i thought you forgot."
phil: "no, i know. do you want to go out to eat somewhere?"
mom: "maybe, are you paying?"
phil [sarcastically]: "no, i need to borrow $20. can i borrow $20 to buy you a mother's day dinner?"
mom: "are you serious?"
[mom gets up, opens purse]
phil: "yeah, and i get to keep the change. i'm not giving you back any of the change. no i'm kidding. of course i have money. i don't need it. what do you want?"
[mom peels coupon off refridgerator]
mom: "why don't you pick up some kentucky fried?"
phil: "what? really? you want kfc for mother's day?"
mom: "yeah just make sure you ask for original, not extra crispy. do you need me to write that down."
phil: "no, i'll remember."
mom: "because i can't eat extra crispy. i can't eat it."
phil: "why?"
mom: "because it's too crispy."
dear asshole. please die.
so some random blogger left me a comment in regards to the posting about spanking and shit. this is what he/she/fuckface said:
"Fine mess your life is to be pointing fingers at people groups who value values, like discipline."
well allow me to retort:
why is it that my life has to be a mess for me to voice that opinion? and what if my life is in a mess? who cares? those two issues can easily be mutually exclusive. just because there's a correlation does not indicate a causation.
i'm not hating all christians, just the ones who believe in god. also that's a joke, as i seriously hate all christians.
please read more of my postings to get the jist of my style. also please actually visit the link and read the brainwashed bullshit that people wrote in. also, please grow a brain. you fuck.
here's another thing, you claim these are people who "value values". that's funny to me. because people have different values and different opinions on things. your values set up in your world differ from mine. just because you value something doesn't mean i have to apply the same value.
the bottom line is, you deserve to be spanked with a hummer h2.
score with opium
i wish goldfish crackers came individually wrapped. because then my lazy ass wouldn't eat so many at a time.
this girl told me onling that this summer, while school is out, she's going to "relax!"
i told her, "i don't think you can say 'relax' with an exclamation mark."
i never had a circle of friends. i never really fit in exactly. i had more of a rhombus of friends.
national grande canyons
new reader's poll:
who is your favorite nazi?
a) hitler
b) soup
c) the red skull
some girl said i am dependent on my family
mom: "philip, can you close the garage door when you leave?"
phil: "yeah sure."
mom: "because my hair is wet and i don't want to stand outside if my hair is wet."
phil: "wait, you don't want to go outside for 1 second and press the button?"
mom: "well my hair's wet and i might catch a cold."
phil: "in one second?"
mom: "i've been sick a couple of times already this year. my hair is wet. i'll catch cold again."
phil: "seriously, in on second?"
2 minutes and 1 anerysm later...
dad: "philip, come watch chinese tapes."
phil: "nnnooooooo!"
dad: "come on, the story is meant for you."
phil: "yeah, what is it about?"
dad: "uh, oh, uhhhhhhh, hm oh it's about a chinese emperor."
phil: "great."
spare the rod and spoil your cellmate
so on the nbc nightly news tonite, they had a news story on spanking tonite. so they mentioned some dude who makes paddles which you can order for free (only shipping and handling fee of approximately $6). so i went to google and did a search (hey i work on search engine advertising all day) and did a search and eventually found the site.
i could spend a full day on this shit reading all the email testimonials. christian fuckeroos.
celebrate your 18th birthday
sometimes, very rarely, like with every coming of christ, i witness a moment when my dad makes my mom smile and he smiles. this creates a worm hole in which i can temporarily look through time and see the past, when they didn't simply hate each other.
i see it and i wonder if those smiles were, at least for some short time, the norm. i really wonder...
i've told people this: the failure of my parents as a couple is the leading reason why i'm so picky with girls and the foundation of how i've formulated most of my relationships with women.
i feel like i don't know to do these days.
tentative title
i am feeling the burn right now. i feel like star screaming my dirty lungs out. i feel like leaving. maybe if it were sunny out at least one of the days in the past week...
listening to the shins now. i need to get a copy of this cd.
feels like fall these days eh?
are we moving backwards or has the earth reversed it's spin?
maybe this is just deja vu again?
maybe this is just deja vu again?
and I want to go home
I had some really wierd fucked up dreams last nite but cannot remember any really. I just remember waking up numerous times last nite thinking what a wierd dream.
I do remember a couple of things:
1. i dreamt that I had a number of single dollar bills and for whatever reason, billy was like, oh it's really good that you have them because we'll need them. but i know we weren't at a strip club or at a $1 car wash so i don't really know why we would want to have had all those singles.
2. our band curbdrop played a 3 set show at this advertising (adcraft) party and people thought we really rocked the place. we actually won and were told to do an anchoir set but we didn't know anymore songs, so we seemed like idiots. oh but the girls loved us which was sweet because that never happens.
3. i woke up laughing really hard at some joke that i dreamt about or some situation and it was so funny that i was laughing outloud. and i remember half asleep that i need to remember the damn joke or situation. but i have forgotten.
also my damn computer is still being fixed but i realized that even though all my files will be saved, i will still end up losing all the play lists i've made but never made copies of. so i made cd-ready-playlists for missy and my friend allison and neither of them will ever get them now. fuck.
radioshack rip off
the 5th element is arby's sauce.
the 8th wonder of the world is jenna jameson's manholes.
i could never love a girl who respects Bono
that was not a foul, that was a cock. wait, a cock is a foul. or fowl.
speaking of things up your mom's bum, it's the year of the cock, my year. some chinese resturaunt placemats call that zodiac sign a "cock" and some of them call it a "rooster". whatever man, a bird's a bird. the real question is, "is it original or extra crispy."
and i asked this girl on saturday what she thought and she confirmed my fears. but it's not really a major fear as i am aware and i can do better and practice. we talking about practice.
vague?
i wonder how much weight collectively in the human race, would be loss if cookies, chips, brownies, pies, moon waffles, and fast food were eliminated from your fat mama's cooch.
actually the real question was supposed to be, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck got fist fucked? a woodchuck could chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a wood chuck got fist fucked.
there's a sweet song by nine inch nails called wish (ddl). they reference fist fuck in the song.
i wonder how many people will stumble upon my blog after googling "nine inch fist fuck your mom's original or extra crispy bum " those are all words in my damn posting.
oh crap i think it's wearing off. i'd better go lay still in bed.
if i were beck (hansen) this would be a hit song:
If I Were Beck (Hansen)
your face would like better if set on fire,
your breat reminds me of whoopie goldberg,
you should learn to take a hint,
you're not meant to superbowl shuffle.
green eyes you have brown eyes,
just like hitler only with less more mustache,
why is ben stiller in every other movie,
remember why hockey was a sport and not part of this question?
tulips swaying on the smurf's sodomy,
grass growing prozakly on her mind,
paper cut kisses supersized in '95,
almond bonless chicken with side order of bones.
maybe this is your rise and shine?
i went to be last nite at 10:40. this was after laying around in half sleep all day yesterday. i'm not really sure why i was so tired. i know i haven't slept much in general the last two years. seriously. i probably average about 6 hours of sleep. i don't sleep in on the weekends. but yesterday and this weekend's sleep wasn't any different than before. so i'm really unsure the cause. i guess it finally caught up to me?
so i slept 9 and a half hours. and i'm still sleepy now because i think i might have overslept. or something. i also have a theory that me quitting smoking (again) is making me more sleepy, or i should say, less stimulated. that's my theory.
this is day 7. i took a few drags the other day at the bar. maybe like 3 drags. i don't count them.
my work computer crashed yesterday at billy's. some windows 2000 system file got corrupt. so my computer's being worked on today and probably tomorrow. meanwhile, i'm using jane's as a makeshift as she is in greece all week. this sucks because all my immediate work files are stuck on my other computer. also this weather sucks.
blind pig body heat
currrrrrrrrrrrrrrse. i'm not sure why i'm so tired today. i was last nite too. could it be the chemicals pumping or the clouds covering? i woke up this morning and went to play soccer, then i mowed the lawn. i've been up way long, but have been laying about watching tv/movies all day.
i started watching high fidelity again but did not finish. i just wanted to watch the beginning to recall the mess that he is in. it's somehow refreshing? i say that with a question mark because i'm not really sure why i felt like just watching the beginning and i also am not positive the benefit.
curse.
there are worst things in life than death. how about not living? how about not doing anything? i don't know what kind of wisdom that is because it's shite.
i really want some gatorade or something. i'm going to win tonite in poker because i'm going to just will it to happen.
top 5 current favorite bands:
1. yo la tengo
2. death cab for cutie
3. nirvana
4. kings of leon
5. the bright eyes
surf.
turf.
gotta live in shit town
i just mowed the lawn. first time of 2005 baby. while mowing, i thought of a number of topics which i would like to discuss, given your permission.
1. i wish i had a shotgun so if some punk kids ever stepped foot in my yard, i could come out onto the porch, and yell, "get the fuck off my property". i would of course be pumping the shotty while i said the word OFF.
or maybe i'd yell, "when you came pulling in here, did you see a sign on the lawn that said 'dead nigger storage'?"
i'm pretty sure i didn't just those appostrophies properly. also that line is from pulp fiction. i'm not really racist to that race at least. or i should say not more than the normal person's subconscious.
2. i need to invest in a weed wacker as the stalks of weed (seriously/literally) that we chopped down last year are beginning to return. but then i thought, i don't care about the weeds that much and i'd rather save up for a mail-order bride.
i like some weeds though. the kind that come in baggies.
3. if you can't tell which parts of the lawn you've mowed, then you should have waited a couple more days.
4. i love how my roommate mark throws away his veggies and fruit into the lawn, in random spots. i mowed over pineapples, apples, and potatoes today. wtf.
5. i shouldn't have bought the damn lawn mower last year. i would have been better off investing in a damn cow. the cow could graze my lawn and i could nibble on her utters.
when i think of the name "bessie" i think of cows and that 6-year old girl i set on fire. oh the memories.
