curbdrop out of grace: November 2005

i am by far the most sarcastic person i know besides god

intense light from the west

if you're going to act like a retard, then i'm going to rape you like a retard.

i think people should start using the term i made up today: "bucket fuck"

bucket fuck refers to a girl (or guy i guess) that you would be willing to fuck if extremly intoxicated only so that after you cum (and she/he doesn't) you shit in a bucket and throw it over her/his fucking face.

too old to die

i look in the mirror and see someone i used to know

waiting for the slightest slide
i'm mine oh my
my mind oh my
waiting for the slightest spite
i might oh my
my mind oh my
breathing i just might this time

my gay room growing up 10

my gay room growing up 9

my gay room growing up 7

my gay room growing up 8

my gay room growing up 5

my gay room growing up 4

my gay room growing up 3

my gay room growing up 2

my gay room growing up

you're like a chicago cubs fan

i just need a push in the wrong direction and i'm yours
i can't sleep when you're happy
i can't eat when you're happy
i can't fuck because you're dead
i can't fuck because i don't care

queen of spades is a whore
queen of diamonds is a money whore
queen of hearts is out of reach
queen of clubs is a dyke

because all of the asians i personally know, don't.
but every asian i see, does.
it fucking irritates me.

five cornered apathy

no i wouldn't dare to stare at your porcelin skin
no i wouldn't dare to pair us with happiness
no i wouldn't care to wear out this aweful bliss
no i wouldn't care to bury this awefulness
under watchful skies
under heartless eyes
underneith years of chains
beneith the skyscraped pains
beside the thirsty plains
long drive to nowhere with no one but your created pride
boring snoring glory story
the spray of succession release this tension
far away in another way
the place so stale cigarettes hide in shame
they never cloned
they're always closed
to give a care for snores
to give a fuck about something more than filling in spaces with empty faces.

my mentor, chuck norris, once told me to shove a potato up my ass

i dropped a french fry in your mom's cooch and i want it back!

i was walking out of work heading to mcdonald's because i get to expense food if i leave work post-8pm, which i always do and was doing. moving on. so this random stares at me as i walk by and says, "hey guy, do you know where there's a chinese resturaunt?" this caught me off guard. i didn't know if he asked because i'm asian or because he wanted to offend me so that i would kung-fu his ass. yes i know this is like that seinfeld episode where Krammer wins AIDS.

if i have three daughters in a row, the third daughter's names is going to be Sydney. and i am going to call her syds for short.

and for that comment, god will cause her infant death.

mcfuckingdonalds gave me 1 honey mustard sauce and zero straws. thanks.

sometimes i wonder for what it's worth it ain't worth it at all

there's so many losers on my buddy list. so i added myself to keep up with the times.

ring ring ring goes the silence

this modern love,
light speed blues,
spaced mistakes,
intent confused,
coffin shaped heart,
calling for dirt,
dressed down in black,
the latest concern,
handshake smiles,
sunset ghosts,
selfmade grave,
misjudged approach,
skyline pours,
self devours,
edges erode,
the standstill coward.

traveling home

I’m waiting by your window side,
I’m staring into empty grays,
I’m thinking about cliche lines,
But I am not like them and they are not like you.

I’m tracing the defining line,
I’m walking it but not drunk yet,
I’m waiting with crooked nails,
One bite for every one, each time for everyone.

Well I would let you loiter in my pocket
but you get restless and leave behind
this time the courage will not be deleted
I cannot afford to waste my time.

I’m scrolling through my cell phone,
I’m deleting everyone I hate,
I don’t care if you ever call again,
This symbol of moving doesn’t mean I’m moving on,

I’m sleeping with my eyes open,
As I’m dragging through another day,
The work it keeps my mind too busy,
But when I come back home is when I’m all alone.

Well I would let you loiter in my pocket
but you get restless and leave behind
this time the courage will not be deleted
I cannot afford to waste my time.

out of the green greed sea

and then there was one. and i said, don't fuck with my libido. whatever you do, don't fuck with my libido. you can eat, fuck, suck, enjoy whatever it is you want other than my lib. in fact, here's a twenty spot. go get yourself some digs and an agenda for the day. go make something of yourself.

get busy living or get busy dying.

[and then she had to go fuck with]

i thought i specifically told you not to? i gave you one rule and you broke it like a friday nite dinner date. be gone from this place. and i will curse you to have to live forever.

we're all on my side.

and the last waltz was with the wrong partner.

swiftly

sometimes the signs from heaven come in the form of rejection. i don't need to hear your voice inflection to hear the lies in your words. it's in the spaces between each breath that makes the obvious seem the same as truth. losers walk but still in the same direction. it was a near fatal car crash but luckily we were able to walk away with most of our pride. years from now we'll finally get the joke.

your subtle humor reminds me of cancer. it's not as funny if someone has to explain it to you.

my brother's away message:

Fun times Downtown San Fran....Gonna be sleeping in tonight! Naked! O:-)

ch 4

i don't answer the phones in my parents' house anymore. why?

phil: "hello?"
asian woman[in manderin]: "blah blah blah blah is this your dad?"
phil: "no."
asian woman: "oh sorry i must have the wrong number."
phil: "no, this isn't [my dad], but you have the right number.
asian woman: "okay, well can i speak to your mom?"

i don't know, it's frustrating to me.

and i was thinking about rafael palmeiro about what a strange situation. he gets caught using performance enhancing drugs for baseball but no one cares that he was a spokesman for performance enhancing drugs for fucking. drugs never hurt anyone in baseball (except those people who died or got hurt) but i know of plenty of drugs that have hurt people while fucking. my god, there's even a warning for cialis that if you verse an errection for more than 4 hours, then please seek immediate medical attention before you are blueballed to death.

ch 3

you got someone coming round? you sure about that? i am sitting at lunch with the rents trying to think of anything else besides the current conversation of the new high kids implement to deal with being kids. apparently they are suffocating themselves through rope hanging off trees or closets and then having friends cut them lose prior to death. the blood and oxygen of a barely living soul rushes to the head producing euphoria. great. reminds me of a lot of things.

meanwhile, in the background is a ridiculous 007 movie. i'm not sure exactly which one but there's definitely a midget involved. he's got an attitude too. it's starring roger moore who it the dean cain of james bond.

it's wierd, how does 007 get so much pussy? he really does. he's a good looking, charming mo-fo but dang, girls see him and just scream "no condoms necessary".

but then i was thinking, i'd still rather be jimmy paige. they are different and yet the same. highlights of each:

james bond:
1. good looking british dude
2. gets to do spy shit
3. fucks every hot chick he encounters
4. license to kill
5. fictional
6. pussy-galore*

jimmy paige:
1. good looking brithish dude
2. gets to rock for a loving
3. fucks every hot chick he encounters (at least prior to turning 50)
4. sampled in license to ill
5. non-fictional
6. drugs-galore*

*sweetness

so i think i'd rather be jimmy paige because he's a real life badass. plus when he wasn't rocking out, he was hanging out with the likes of sean colms. god damn that wasn't a fucking resume killer.

ch 2

there's something comforting about snow on the roads. what it calls out is, don't go the fuck outside or my wind will cut you like the blades of yesterdays. ghosts in the cold poke with sharp precision in all your weakest areas. yes, you are weak and vulerable.

you will die. but just not yet. so don't lay down don't go to sleep. you still have many more years of misery and moments of fleeting happiness.

when it's so cold and i have nothing much to do, i stay inside where i am safe with my thoughts. there is rational thought in the air. that's why i am sitting here alone bored out of my mind with my mind on the toxins that will make my mind drift out of these subjects. the damn fucking snow. i can blame others for once.

people love soup on cold days. fuck that. get me a broth and chopped chicken and mixed veggies. same thing? no mine is not completely from a can.

my mom is busy preparing lunch. my dad is working out. i am trying to get a better life by taking advantage of sickness. i hope to sell out afterall like she said i would.

today is black friday. i refuse to go shopping today and wake up at hours only fit for vampires. is getting up 5 hours early to go out into the darkness only to wait in lines with other fatty pigs with hands wrapped carefully guarding their bellies full of feed. eye on the prize fatty. you'd better take it easy and take some deep breaths or else your bulging eyes might just pop out of your greedy face.

what's worse than the upperclass? the upperclass cheapass. you have money, so why are you going through such pains to save a few bucks here and there? is it worth the aggrivation? apparently you think so whereas people like me will come in following the aftermath and pick up the pieces you could not carry. so i pay a little more, at least i didn't cheapen my values.

consumerism is fantastic because it promotes spending and capitalism by believing the theory that the more everyone spends, the more jobs there are, the more money there is to spend, etc etc until everyone makes a buck. everyone.

please allow me to retort. say the human universe is at 6.5 billion worldwide and suddenly, everyone starts making some money. not saying everyone is rich but everyone is surviving. first, the world may not be able to support this supply of bodies with fuel. second and more importantly, there is only a limited amount of money available in the world. there really is. if everyone suddenly has more money, that's called inflation and means that all the money everyone has is now worth less than what it used to. you cannot create more money ever. we're at a point where anything worth owning (land, women, arabian horses, religion) all has been bought and is under the ownership of some early bird fuck. so now that it's all owned, that's it. no more.

given the inflation factor mentioned, then getting everyone jobs and money can't actually ever happen. i mean maybe for North America but that is a seesaw situation that results in other less fortunate countries to suffer for our sins. yes we are bastards and the fact that we know and admit make us cocky bastards. our consumeristic and capitalistic actions and way of life are indeed then life ruiners for other "humans".

so i'm not saying i'm above all this completely. i'm just saying i am not going out to shop on black friday. and this is more to do with it being too cold and me being too lazy to venture into stuffy crowds on a day still 30 days out of christmas.

ch 1

it begins like this:

thanksgiving day is a day reminding me of the emptiness of my life. it's a day of family gatherings, but my family does not gather. my parents don't get along with their respective in-laws. my mom and dad don't even get along. whenever we are all in a room, i play this little game where i count the seconds before a petty fight breaks out.

i told my mom "you and dad are crazy." she said, "yeah and that is why you're crazy and were on medication."

i still am, but this is not doctor prescribed nor legal in this hypocritical society.

my mom doesn't even always have traditional thanksgiving food. i just ate chicken, rice, and brocoli. "well there's also pecan pie" she said. but that's not pumpkin, and it helps no one's case that i don't even eat pie.

so it feels lonely when all your friends are unavailable because of family time and you're isolated enjoying a normal day the same as any other day, holiday or not.

and it began like that.