Thursday, March 30, 2006

bandaid my splintered soul

have you ever sixty-nined an orphan?
no, but i did stab a kitten with a pick-ax.

and that's how it started. i was in love. as in love as one can be with fingers crossed and eyes shining like glazed donuts.

billy, your pickup line should be "high, i'm bayou billy. girls call me that because i love me some swamp pussy." something like that. you should wear your shirt when you do that too.

cammie, your pickup line should be "yeah my vibrator's broken. want to come over for some fuck?"

little jack attack

she's got a power tool in the bedroom. it's more like a light sabre.

people who use the term "false hope" are morons. hope is false. if you're hoping that means you're already fucked.

my sinus' are killing me. i'm going to puke

breakfast crack

how many wasted packets a day? hmmm? i wasted 3 just now.

that actor from napolean dynomite needs to gain some balls and fucking do something other than play a half-tard.

michael's birthday on the office today and it was my first time watching. quite enjoyed it actually but it's still not as funny as a world war.

if i were a serial rapist, it would be snap, crackle and pop because elf ass is tight.

i ate from this place where the onion rings were greasier than my cock on valentine's day.

there is apparently a scary movie 4. i should buy stock in medicroty.

remember when people cared about robin williams? although i did dream about mrs. doubtfire fucking a tornado.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

enjoy being a woman

i should be less worried and more hurried that the blurry choices i could or shouldn't make will take their own turn and blow out the storm and then the blaze will have saved the grace of mistake and made what choices to have be just a laugh to my back.

i don't care much for harry potter. not because i think it's childish or whatever but it's like some sort of cult. i'm too illiterate to be a member.

i'm never good at these things so i hope they figure out the vagueness of this bliss.

billy i wrote a new guitar lick. actually two new decent ones and a third in the making.

things i need to do VERY soon (hopefully this week):
1. get a refill
2. get a new license (illinois)
3. book flight/car rental
4. finish illinois taxes
5. fill out and submit my expense report
6. pay my medical bill

orgasms are heretic. i have them. my parents had them. my grandparents had them. they run in the family. i think even one of my aunt's died of orgasms.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

7 pains in the ass

my back is sore which is because i have worse posture than cobain in a coffin.

if you tell me you're on to me then i will laugh back and say "why yes, yes indeed you pity."

the new x-box commercial is so wierd. last game i bought must have been halo 2. i think i played my disc a total of 2 times. i don't even know where it is at the moment.

billy was the only one who replied back that he reads my shit even though i know it is not true.

i have another cold. too much business and too much play. i hack like i was zero cool. put that in your pipe and smoke popes.

my last 21 calls are indicative of the future of science

Friday, March 24, 2006

i think "spork" should not stand for "spoon-fork" but "salty-pork"

Thursday, March 23, 2006

ncaa down syndrom

this is my new pickup line, inspired by a conversation i had with cammie today:

"i want you to cum over and die on my face"

cammie is a great artist and i'm glad that she died peacefully with her thumb up her ass cunt.

4 out of 5 mom's rate me an excellent fan* fuck

*final fantasy sex

duke is a bitch ass

i'm glad i'm already out in my brack even before my picked champion duke lost today. bunch of sissy's.

i think i am catching a cold again. doesn't help that i got blackout wasted last nite. i didn't black out but i did save on car insurance.

i think my piss has a distinct smell after a nite of cigarettes and alcohol. i think it has a full barley scent. instead of cereal in the morning, you should suck me off stupid. breakfast of champions.

i will be going to bed early tonite so that hopefully tomorrow i won't wake up with a frog in my throat.

you're so gay you fucked your mom so hard that her dick fell off.

i made a mix on my ipod flying back from detroit but it didn't save so i'm pissed.

i cut my hair today with my robocut and it looks decent again. this shall do for at least 2 months.

after working a long day of 11 hours, i went to the irish pub near my house for dinner. i love me some shepards pie.

okay, penis do your thing

do the same for me

everyone who reads my blog today the thursday of the 23rds (really????) please just leave a comment with you initials. i want to know. i need to blow my load. i need to blog my low....

you are my sunday morning

how about you deuce?

i wonder what you're waiting for

been long time since i blogged blogged for

and here are two jokes:

1. you're so fat you went _____ and still gained weight. doug weight. sorry in advance i am indeed a bastard.

2. i want to produce anal beads or a double sided dildo and call the product "i can't believe it's not jesus"

i will rule you like i ruled hyrule (sp?).

these days i snooze and these daze i booze and to lose the luck is to fuck the same old sucky life that i welcome in obliously bliss i miss the kind of find where the dime is as clean and crisp and the whisper i hear in a light of shining armor. the harm of foul will make sweet sour until the tower of truth breaks free from the clues of apathy. laugh with me when i laugh and bathe with me with i back into the mathmatical impossibilities of silly dreams unreachable it seems like the skyscrapers raping the blue with all that is fluid.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

memories in the mirror are closer than they appear

clean off your esteem

there's this new commericial about how it makes you boring and bland and silent and basically kills your mood and personality and i say, fuck it this shit is the bull they feed because they are afraid and scapegoating.

going to detroit tomorrow evening but only for limited time offer as have to work early tues and fly back tues afternoon. wham bam thank you slut.

i am in complete control of the situation but am really out of control so there is sure to be a crash into the abyss.

i am seriously considering moving to wicker park area sooner than later. if anyone knows anyone who lives out there let me's know and perhaps...

thanks mom

if it were up to me this misery would go away like you did that today

so this weekend was interesting for many different reasons which i shall keep in my head and for dinner parties at paul's.

went biking today again and it was great although my thighs burn.

my computer is fucking over and so i am done then fuck.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

playing guitar is fun
playing god is funner
it's nice to ruin people's lives

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

this is sort of ridiculous

stay awhile i swear you'll live

why does your breath always smell like latex?

i had an adventure yesterday where we thought a car was stolen but rather it had only been towed. when we went to the impound to rescue the lexus, we paid the fucker $150. afterwards, dudeman goes "have a nice day". fuck you man we just paid you $150 to get back what's ours. how about we murder your ass and then have a nice day pissing on your corpse.

Monday, March 13, 2006

i'm too lazy to fix this cut and paste crisis

Marion Barry Quotes"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversityduring this long period of increment weather."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very lowcrime rate."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, whatcan I say? I'm a night owl."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"Bitch set me up."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where'sReagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis noless."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law ofgravity is racist."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an internationalcity, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am aninternational symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than thepresident's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want tokill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black,were the ultimate sacrifice."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. TheRepublicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. AbrahamLincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because theydeem it necessary?"- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if thewater mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then?WOULD IT!?!"- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am anintelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."- M. Barry,Mayor of Washington, DC

the jury and the sloppy joe

i don't care what the people say

you're so fat, you celebrate st. patricks day by fucking a mcnugget

i just drank soup for two by myself, for dinner. but hey, whatever i'm on a diet.

so i was talking to someone about my blog and about the adsense banner advertisement i've had the top for about a year. he was asking how much i've made thus far and i told him, to be honest, i never checked since i signed up for it. so i just checked and after trying 20 passwords i figured out which one unlocked the secrets.

to date, i have had 9638 page impressions, 74 clicks, and a total of $10.33 in earnings. i'm not certain how google pays out, but now that i know i have actually earned $0.14 per click, i'm eager for more. so everybody, please each time you look at my site click on 1,000,000 ads and soon enough i will be loaded and have like $20,000. or something. that math probably wasn't even close.

and today there were ads at the top about "urine be gone" and "fishy vaginal smells". somehow the google spiders crawled my site and determined those ads would be contextually relevant to my site. fuck you i don't smell like fish vaginas and i definitey don't want to remove the urine from behind my years.

also Google click fraud systems would detech too many clicks from the same IP address and not count the clicks as legitamit. so i wouldn't earn the dollar.

it was so windy today that my errection blew off, from your mom.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

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are we dead yet? Posted by Picasa

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chocolate Posted by Picasa

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that's my hat Posted by Picasa

scheming Posted by Picasa

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heavy lids Posted by Picasa

milk that nipple Posted by Picasa

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