thinking about what to say
i am so tired right now from playing 2.5 soccer games in the high noon sun today. i came home and took a 2 hour nap after the sun poisoning reduced my energy level to nil.
my internet is still down at home so there.
there's something both comforting and repulsive when you're having a meal with the rents and your dad gets up and turns out is not wearing any pants.
i wonder if i were black would i get sun poisoning or not as easily or? it's more or less dehydration right? or just too much heat?
i woke up this morning and had to shit out the foam that is contained in miller light shite beer.
pimping ain't easy but it drives the ladies crazy
so i've come to the conclusion that massage chairs may not be that great for one's back. i mean they for sure provide temporary bliss, but i wonder how much long term comfort they can sustain.
my stomach feels upset for some reason. it felt that way after i came back from my morning run (this morning). then i showered and immediately after using soap and water, and soap and water on my asshole region, i took a shit which is highly counter productive.
i rarely take long shits but this one was long. and it was one of those where i was hunched over in both pain and vain. the pain wasn't from my asshole you fags, it was from my stomach.
speaking of homosexuals, i'm not against homosexuality at all, but i have to admit still being suprised a bit seeing so many out and about in concentrated areas, like boogie fever.
i think the median age at boogie fever is about 28. which means i'm 4 years out of place. but i'm even more so when you consider i don't look like i'm 24.
katie dorr's sister lisa dorr (18-years young and great at soccer) was running this morning too. she was wearing her glasses which i thought was ridiculous. she said "it's not like they fall off while i'm running." yeah but what about the nose piece chaffing?
i finally understand keith's thought process now. it's so random. much more so than mine which i think is random as well.
i hate my job
next time someone asks me how i'm doing or how i've been, i'm going to simply say: "i want to die."
and then if the fucker says something like, "well at least you've got your health" or "at least you're alive", i'm going to give them the death stare and say "yeah that's the fucking problem, fuck."
memos on my cell:
1. so this women at the tiger's game is like, "i wonder if the reason the price of beer is so expensive is because they don't want people to drink."
and i thought, this is the dumbest thing in the world. they want people to drink and to the point that the fuckers die in a firey car accident. they charge high prices because they can and because they want to make lots of money to pay off all the fucking whores.
and child pornography.
that's not even a sentence (really)
2. willie wonka invented this ice cream that never gets warm so it never melts. he's got to get it together man and invent a beer that never goes warm.
3. i think the porn network or channel or whatever should, instead of always just showing movies, come out with sitcoms and mini-series and so on that are of national broadcast "quality" but just have a lot of unprotected sex scenes. pornos with plots. sitcoms with sex scenes. or sitcoms with plots. take your pick.
4. how big does bruce banner's cock get when he gets angry and turns into the hulk arrrrrrrrr?
5. nic told me the other day that he believes in god because one time when he was a kid, he said "please god please let there be anothe repisode of reading rainbow on next" and there was, so then he did believe in HIM.
6. i'm driving behind this blazer that's got "congenital heart defect day, feb. 14" written over a red heart. for some reason i thought this was valentine's day, but i guess two hallmark can share.
7. she's not you but... not even you are like you. no one's like you.
8. sometime's after the storm settles you find your house is knocked down. some people rebuild the house, a little better, a little studier. some people just move the fuck away.
9. even people who say they do nice things because it makes them feel good are fucking selfish, because they are doing it to MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD. fuckers.
steriod abuse among infants.
i didn't sleep well last nite. it's partially from overthinking and from lack of nicotine in my bloodstream. i always find it so entertaining that on nites of restlessness, the only time i find myself sleeping is when it's time to wake up.
i watched wedding crashers last nite, late last nite with the best crew and double c. it was funny but i hated paying $9 to watch the fucker.
Yahoo meetings all day.
Billy, i might have to cancel go-karting. it might be my friend's going away party that nite... more to come.
sick things in the dead pool
so last sat. over the weekend while i was at caroline's pool party, i came out of the pool because it was freezing and went inside to lie down. while laying face down, i pulled out of my nose what i thought was some pool snot. instead, i found a dead slug.
now i don't know where this slug came from or how it got in there although i'm sure it has to do with the pool. although i imagine while laying face down, there was the possibility for the slug to sneak in there.
at any rate, this was very disturbing to me to have had a slug up my nose. i'm used to more traditional things up my nose, like a fingernail topped off with coke.
curves for men
phil: "i think the thunderstorm that we had this morning knocked out our cable internet. it's not working anymore."
mom: "did you call them to ask them to fix?"
phil: "well no. because i don't have any of the account information and the account is set up in mark's (my housemate's) name."
mom: "well you should let him know. you can use my computer to write him an email to tell him to call."
phil: "mom, the internet is down. how is he going to check his email now?"
mom: "well he could check it at work. i don't know, maybe he's traveling on business and could check his email elsewhere."
phil: "if he's out of the country on business, i'm sure he won't easily be able to call WOW to tell them to fix the internet. also, why wouldn't i just call and leave him a voicemail message?"
the soothing sound of dueling vibrators
so it's done. i'm currently typing this while recieving a full back massage from my brand-spanking-new-massage chair. it's strategically placed in my bedroom so that i can enjoy in the conforts of privacy should i with to jack off while recieving the back massage.
saved self-memos from my phone:
1. at relay for life, taylor chambers/marquert (sp?) had a friend named julia there who in front of billy, said "i don't like red head's because they look like carrot tops." billy then fled the scene in shame.
2. i'm very hesistant when i meet a girl who has a hypen in her first name, like a mary-anne or mary-beth or mary-pat... and are there any other's that don't start with mary? but the reason i'm weary is because i figure they probably come from a conservative family and are probably not going to be my type.
3. men incapable of loving and keeping faithful to only one woman are actually the alpha males. think of it. natural selection would dictate that these individuals have a better chance of passing on their genes to multiple carriers hence bettering their chance for survival. based on this theory, i'm not really supposed to pass on anything.
4. sloppy second marriage? i don't really get it either.
5. the idea of diet pot that would only make one eat half the amount of food one normally would after smoking.
6. so i was driving behind this ford areostar (minivan) that was actually a "sports" trim. it has all these bumper stickers and decals about nascar and dale jr. somehow i just find it ridiculous that this minivan is promoting sports and especially racing.
7. do you think people who are super fat have a super human strong taste sense that allows them to enjoy food more, so they eat it more and hence the fatness? billy, care to comment?
8. if cigarettes came individually wrapped in boxes and paper and such, then there'd be many more landfills in this world.
turn off the radio
i was again thinking about the movie "transformers" today (while eating lunch at my parents house, alone). i was thinking how that was the first movie and only one of a small number that i've ever cried at. i cried when optimus prime died. i was maybe 5 at the time. but i still remember being overwhelmingly sad.
luckily, he came back to life to kick ass like playas do.
then i was thinking about the last time i cried in a movie. it was actually about two years ago. i was the star "victim" in this low-budget porn called "gangbangs of new york". they helped pay off my college loans, but boy does my ass scream out phantom pains while quivering like any child playmate who's ever been the celebritory self-indulging prize of a michael jackson #1 hit, with a bullet mother fucker.
just beat it.
is that a family of crabs on your crotch or are you just happy to see me? oh well yes i suppose it could be both.
i'm going on a pseudo date tonite with duck's married sister julie, to the tiger's game. i haven't seen her in person in about a year and a half it seems. maybe less maybe more? jules is awesome. she fed us underagers in college a healthy supply of liquor (smironov and captains).
so beautiful away from me. she is free.
stolen from recent conversations i made with two peeps:
they need to invent something to put onto your skin to PREVENT and repel poison ivy before one's body is contaminated. ya dig?
in regards to my new body pillow: i am concerned though that getting used to sleeping with a body pillow will get my body used to sleeping on my side and so when i no longer have a body pillow around, i might still sleep on my side without and may injury my body as it is bad for my back and such. i might have to bag up a dead bum in a body bag and use as a make-shift.
still thinking of purchasing/securing the massage chair from bed bath and beyond.
if you were a cyclops or a patched-pirate, you would never be able to wink at someone because people would just think you were:
1. blinking
2. blinking really hard
danger. dang-er.
blossom was a virgin until the age of 6.
so a friend from work (sab/sabrina) sent me this today. now i think this is pretty funny. totally reminds me of mayer fuck.
i came home for having dinner and drinks with google people tonite. first of all, i completely recommend dinner at Cameron's in birminham (MI) if you can afford it for say, oh an anniversary date or a welcome home troops dinner. the steaks were muy excellente, asi mucho que yo tengo hablo en espanol ahora.
i haven't done that in a long time. i'm not confident that was correct.
anyway, so there was a damn mutant spider on the wall right next to my bed so i went and got this sheet of paper towel for the masacre. however when i went in for the move, the spider narrowly escaped doom by falling off into the pile of clothes i have piled up on the floor next to my bed. so it's out there somewhere. and i typically sleep with my door closed so it's trapped in the room. and i'm fairly sure tonite while i'm sleeping, the fucking spider is going to poop in my mouth like joey laurence/lawrence pooped on princess di's whoo-ha.
whoa.
bit by bit
really quickly, had a fucked up dream last nite.
i dreamt that first, Travis the band came to my parents house to play a private set. for some reason there were only 3 band members as opposed to the 4 (or 5?) that actually exist. i remember thinking that was wierd. i ended up getting them all to autograph one of my travis cds.
then the story turns to me and some friend of mine (can't remember who) and we break into michael peca's house for the sole reason to burn it down with him in it. for those who don't know peca is a pro hockey player for the islanders, formally of the sabres. he used to be one of my favorite players.
so then we burn him alive and escape running to another travis concert because we want to use it as our alibi (sp?) and whatever. we have this signed copy of the cd to prove we were at the concert.
cops never suspect anything. also forgot to mention on our way to and back from the travis concert, we climbed up and jumped down all these mounds of garbage that had infinite amounts of rotting cabbage leaves. wierd huh?
keith's amazing idea (via email)
Fellow Borthas,
It goes alittle something like this:
I don't know who would want to do this, but we need at least four people, I would guess. Seriousness now.....We get however many of us, to travel around the state of Michigan first (then conquer other nearby states in the Midwest), to play, wherever, flipcup. NOW, No judgement yet....We would setup, only on weekends, in possibly tailgates, campuses, parks, etc., and obviously ask people (over 21) to go against. Video tape every thing. And after so many times/rounds, we cut the tape up with the best footage, send it in to Bud, Labatt's, Miller(any beer company) and see if they would like to sponsor anything of this sort. We would also write a well, articulated, letter..done by chambers or mayer. The video footage would also be put up on Bortha.com, and if we get more "hits" with it, then we can add that in the letter and hopefully help boost a chance of being sponsered.
Through the possible sponsorship, we can ge (for example: Budlight tables, shirts, hats, chairs, cups, Budlight beer, etc, etc, on and on) and obviously after that, we would continue thru MI and other states, playing the game and being sponsored.
When I came up with this great, influential idea, I was first thinking we could be sponsered and get some money as well. But, it's also a good idea just to boost the website and everyone else's links on there as well, and possibly just have fun, get drunk, and meet hot chicks.
Any and all input is welcome! Except, anyone who says, no. Then you're dead or I'll just feed you to a swarming pack of flesh-eating pirhana's or hijena's(however you spell it). Sorry.
-Keith Siegel
CEO of Bortha Flip-Cup Nation, BFCN
the white one is pork. the green one is chicken.
i'm really tired right now. nic called me up last nite in the middle of the nite (approximately 3:14 am) and then we talked for about 22 minutes.
on another note, i did secure a body pillow which is dressed in a blue pillow case that is big enough to suffocate 4 annoying bitches or 11 infants. it is also very comfortable to hump.
i almost bought this $600 massage chair from bed bath and beyond yesterday. i still might. i do have a coupon for 20% off and i do have a bad back and i do love my massages. but i could use a new amp.
i wore a wife beater for the first time while at mackinaw island because it was "thug" nite. i borrowed it from stephanie. i actually looked alright in it as my tanned scrawny arms somehow looked "hot" or so the ladies lied to me (to my face). but it was so wierd walking around without sleeves.
willie wonka is good. i recommend watching it while sleeping though because if you watch it while awake, it will suck. just kidding i did like it and johnny depp is so cool i would smoke him and his girlfriend fucks down.
a lot of hours to occupy...
i was playing guitar at nic's pool party on saturday nite and vic who had never heard me play before, said my style reminds her of elliott smith.
i was so happy when she said that as he is my hero. he is my lennon.
i'm trying to remember now what billy said. i think he said mitch was his lennon. different genre of entertainment/life but still. true dat b-fat.
i tried running today and my right shoulder just about felt like it was attached a notch down from what my body really wants it to be. so i only ran 12 minutes which in my mind wasn't worth the sweat and shower that followed.
i was mowing the lawn after the run and the construction guys working on the burnt down lot next to mine were on their lunch break. it almost felt awkward because i know they were watching me mow the lawn (topless), not necessarily because they wanted to but because there was nothing else going on between their mouthfuls of pb and j.
when i used to work for the city of troy, we'd stare at passerbys and such. we'd also sleep a lot.
one thing people often forget to ask right away when starting to date someone is the significance of their previous relationships, particularly the last one and then also the dating patterns... like if he/she tends to date a lot, very little, how much time between relationships, etc. it really does matter so much doesn't it?
which do you think is more important both short term and long term, smoking perference/style or religious affiliation/style? i think smoking is usually the first consideration or first wall.
pook nuke
so i rarely watch tv especially anything before 9pm but was just watching for a minute this hulk hogan reality show which was ridiculous. how did he get a fucking show?
also i want to have curbdrop have a hit single and then for us to fade away just enough to get us onto the sureal life.
it's all good until my head falls off
mom: "so guess how many pounds of rice i bought today?"
phil: "i don't know. twenty-five?"
mom: "no, i got a hundred today. so now we have one hundred and fifty pounds. but we eat a lot of rice."
mitch has a joke that goes something like, "rice is great if you want to eat a million of something."
phil: "mom, where did you find this lighter?"
mom: "it was inbetween the seat cushion in the living room."
phil: "oh, well it's mine from purple haze*, when i used to work there in college."
mom: "why do you have a lighter** anyway?"
phil: "err well, i had it from work before. a long time ago."
mom: "so it's a souvenier?"
phil: "yeah sure***."
*a hed shop (smoking pipes and accessories)
**lighters are used for smoking things
***no not really (please reference **)
phil: "mom, do you have one of those gift certificates from bed bath and beyond?"
mom: "yeah, what do you need to buy?"
phil: "a body pillow."
mom: "oh is that what you put on a seat to cushion?"
phil: "no that's a seat cushion."
[mom is looking over the two coupons, one for 20% off and one for $5 off]
mom: "oh, well here's two coupons, but this one expires aug. 26 and this one expires sept. 14. are you going to use it before aug. 26?"
phil: "yes i'm going to use it tomorrow."
mom: "ok well take the aug. 26 one."
phil: "you do know there's a difference between the two coupons right?"
mom: "yes, the date."
phil: "no there's another difference. are you even looking at the actual coupon portion or just the expiration date?"
mom: "just the date."
phil: "well look at what the coupon discounts are for."
mom: "i don't see."
phil: "look at the two large numbers printed on the coupons. how can you not see the two large numbers but can read the fine print for the expiration date?"
mom: "i didn't really look. oh, i guess they are different."
assface for (vice) president
it's never a good idea to spill brocoli onto one's keyboard.
some people are too cool to say "god bless you" when someone sneezes or queefs.
probably not the proper way to spell queef.
moldy thoughts are brewing in my head
normal sides include cole slaw and melancholoy
my grandpa used to say, "let's boil the potatos and then discuss what we're having for dinner."
the point of this is the pre-empted decision of what is and what will never be before the circumstances arise for discusion and action.
also note my grandpa(s) died before i was born.
i often think about missed opportunties and have doubts about the decisions made and the outcomes that resulted. and i hate it when there's a clear x vs y decision that needs to be made that will inevitably change the outcome of my life. i have always wished so badly that life was more like a video game with the ability to save and hit the reset button.
if life was like a video game though, i am certain the ending would be disappointing with just the words "Game Over" flashing in a bland fashion.
i think it would be so great if at viewings for the deceased, if there were this technology invented that would allow for all the memories of the dead to be shown on screen with the soundtrack of their lives playing in the background. and it would be so cool to see at the end, all the credits and special thanks to all the players.
would i appear in your credits as a main or as a minor character?
sick of goodbyes (2 times!)
You are Belle & Sebastians If Youre Feeling
Sinister.
What essential indie rock album are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
so the funny thing is this album that describes me happens to be the most influential album in my life and it really honestly always will be. it changed my prefered genre from mid-90's alt/seatle rock to what billy boy calls "arternative" emo-mellow-pop-indie-rock-my-taste-in-music-is-better-than-yours.
inside me.
so i don't know what's more interesting, in regards to two of the last few searches that yielded a click through to my website:
1. phil shih
2. www.children.fuck.
now the first makes me think someone wants to know all the dirt about me. which is fine. just interesting.
the second makes me wonder what the fuck is going on. sad thing is you do a search and my site indexes on the first page for this child porn crap. great.
please help 
dream i had last nite
nitrius makes me horny
last nite i went to the homerun derby. i like to watch baseball but i cannot follow the players that aren't the annual all-star superstars. so whatever that first dude's name is though was awesome. 24 homers in the first round. it was sick. i don't remember that much of the derby after that as the first guy stole everyone's thunder. but i love how the second dude who was representing canada (jason bay maybe?) hit zero. how do you go from 24 to 0?
these fucking cops that are hired in to support city events like the all-star game are worthless. i was walking behind two fat ass cops this morning and followed them as they jaywalked in front of cars. i followed hoping the drivers wouldn't want to smear bacon all over the pavement.
they are so fat too. one was a woman and the other a man. the woman reminded me of the black fat cop on reno 911. her ass seemed to be stuffed with marshmellows or bean bag chairs or something. i'm pretty confident she conqueres sticks of butter.
if i were a crook and i was to see these cops patrolling, i think my confidence would skyrocket to the point that i'd steal some unstealable item, like laura bush or the cookie from the cookie jar.
come back and stare at me
this woman was hounding me for some performance reporting recap as of the day the campaign ended and i sent over everything to nearly then.
she then kept asking if the overall recap deck/presentation would be ready for a July meeting with the client and so it was...
and then her boss, a v.p. at her company emails me last week to ask for the same fucking data. the original requestor was out on holiday.
i get in this morning and original requestor has returned and acknowleges she failed to pass any info onto her boss, the v.p. because she hadn't yet completed her portion of the performance recap deck.
which makes me wonder why she's been hounding me all this time if she can't get her shit straight.
wierdos
corn beef hash on soap
isn't it wierd how sometimes someone says you're they're good friend or best friend but they are not yours.
i hate it when my body feels like it does now. it hurts on multiple levels:
1. too much smoke
2. too much booze
3. too little sleep
4. too much laying on the ground
5. too much country western bar
6. too much heat/humidity
i was brushing my teeth just now and accidently vomitted out some lunch. that is how i feel. it was watermelon.
i woke up this morning on box's couch with this idea for a screenplay:
zombie romeo rises from the dirt in search of his lost (living) love. juliet is freaked the fuck out that her ex-love of her life is a fucking zombie. she tries to run away but zombie romeo is too fast on his skate board. zombie romeo kills juliet hoping that through death, juliet can return to life as a zombie and they can live happily ever after as zombie lovers. however, she does not return and so zombie romeo goes on an insane rampage ripping off the heads of everyone. eventually, zombie romeo realizes that one cannot truely love others unless one first learns to love himself.
OJ Simpson has cameo role as Nordberg
phil lamar is not as cool as phil shih
it's such a wierd situation waking up on the floor of your friends house. it's not like i passed out. i knew very much what i was doing. i was tired at 5am while mayer was still going strong and yet, waking up to the sound of the tv playing the intro screen music to anchor man over and over until the need to shut it off overwhelmes the desire to just lay there paralyzed with indifference.
i really need to clean up my room. it is such a mess.
today is such a beautiful day. i just came in from sitting outside shirtless drinking molson and smoking a cigar. this is what they refer to as the highlife.
tonite we're going back to that fucking country bar. should be great if i'm fucked up to the point that i don't know where i am. isn't that how it goes?
looking back at fields of grey
if you don't all start drinking like i used to drink before...
quote from You Will? You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. by bright eyes (ddl)
bacon is meant to be eaten with other worldly meats.
and so did i.
anyone who says lightning doesn't strike the same place twice doesn't believe in deja vu. i believe.
believe in me and i'll believe in you jesus fuckyou christ.
the future's as bright as the reflective glare off the eyes of a deer in headlights
jabba the griffin
i think it's funny everytime the bests think i am flirting with maryanne because i do so in humor, because i'm a creeper. hahah
speaking of creepers, this fucker at work reminds me totally of lazer. he looks and even wears the same cologne/fragrance as laser. and this guy bugs the fuck out of me.
i hate how sometimes my computer's functions fuck me over. like just now, for some reason every time i hit tab it switches to a different window or whatever that is already open. usually it doesn't have that setup. and so just now i was in the middle of talking to someone and i also was going to check my email and i hit tab to switch from the user login to the password login and i typed in my pass. however, i wasn't paying attention so i actually switched to the messenger window. and i ended up freaking typing to a friend my email address password. and i'm sure she's like, wtf mate is this? and it's because my password is wierd , although not sexual or obscene or anything, yet still wierd.
oh well whatever nevermind.
banjo theory # fuck.
but isn't that the point? that sort of gig. to get chicks?
there was just this tv show that was talking about bangkok and how there's all these budhists there that are always trying to do good for reincarnation and karma purposes. anyway, a bunch of people actually work to recover corpses, from the annual 12,000+ people who die in car accidents and 10,000+ that die from suicides or murders. great.
so they collect corpses. in fact there's are hundreds of these taskforces (groups of people) who actively volunteer their time to gather up and clean up corpses.
which makes me wonder, why aren't they making the effort to say, hmmm promote safer driving, help those depressed by selling them pot, or kill the murders before they murder? hmmm?
i was going to say before, that if one has to be a mover or truck driver of long distances and needs to have a partner to help drive and move things, then it'd be ideal for both you and the partner mover be gay men. that way when you can take turns driving and take turns giving road head. also men are stronger than women, so the ass pounder won't get as hurt. and moving objects would also be easier because boobs and ashton kutcher don't get in the way. okay?
philip do you have the check?
conversation of my family after watching the evening news, with charles dixon.
dad: "they just said the news was done by charles dixon."
phil: "yeah? so?"
mom: "is he dead?"
phil: "no he's not dead. he just did the news."
dad: "well his name is charles nixon. maybe the same as the guy who wrote a christmas carol."
mom: "do you want this?"
[pushes plate of fish skins over to my dad]
dad: "no, all this is is fish skins."
mom: "oh."
phil: "no that's charles dickens."
dad: "that's what i said, charles dixon."
mom: "he said charles dickensin. there's a sin"
dad: "no there's a son."
mom: "dickensin, disckensin. ensin. not son."
dad: "no it's son."
phil: "first off dad, now you're saying son. you originally said dixon which has an on. not son. second you're wrong, they aren't the same person. they don't even have the same name. third mom, i never said dickensin. where did you get that from?"
mental note, jesus loves me.
thanks billy, my new friend is fun.
so if one is living at home with the rents (not me because i don't live at home) but if one is living at home with the rents, and say one is a silent smoker who's rents don't know of, then living at home would force one to smoke more because of the ridiculousness or the rents. however, as one is trying to keep guilty pleasures secret, one would be at the worst living environment to keep one's needed secret, secret.
i'm pretty sure i've now said "one" more times than fag Bono
also not sure if either of those things made sense for everyone else.
need to post the thought about gay truckdrivers next/. someone remind.
soul rush
Mayer's coming to town this weekend which means ridiculous drinking at least friday and saturday.
i'm working with massive excel files that are killing my computer. it's so fucking slow, life goes on style. that's the only reason i'm on this shite now.
FUCK. excel just closed.
i saw red
i still haven't seen fantastic 4 nor will i probably in the theaters. however, i just saw yet another commercial and was thinking, dude it must suck to be "the thing" unless that's just your nickname and you're really hung like iggy pop.
think about it, yes you have super human strength but your body is made of stone or whatever the fuck that is. you're ugly.
smash smash that's all your good for.
and i'm watching this poker on tv on fsn or something and they have all these british players and even british annoucers. yet for some reason they were referring to european football as "soccer". stupid.
same guy nicer watch
my mom was in a pickle today. there was a fly at my parents' house and after dinner, my mom either had to cover up the leftovers, waiting for the food to cool down before placing in the fridge (as she is trying to save money on the electricity powering the fridge) or she could leave the food uncovered and cool faster/rot less but risk the fly shitting on the food.
i was going to do my laundry today but my damn roommate beat me to it. he was also doing laundry last nite. so that makes me wonder just how many loads he does at once. i usually do two mixed loads. fucking equal but separate whites and colored.
you know when after one has suffered a heartattack, the first one, one's body never really recovers. it's always weaker. i think that same can be said for when someone cheats on you.
cannons to the left of me. cannons to the right of me. cannons in front of me.
i just want everyone to know that if you go to Yahoo! and type "corn shits" my site ranks number 1. however, if you type in "corn shit" it doesn't appear, at least on the first page results (too lazy to look on even second page).
so i really am working to get corn shit indexed higher. and google does't index me high either damn them.
wierd thing too, i had corn on the cob yesterday and apparently was able to digest it all. that's a first.
i told nic that i ate beans today at box's 4th of july party. he asked me if they were baked or green. and it occured to me that had someone told me that they ate beans, i wouldn't even think there were different types. i would have assumed baked.
this week will either be great or it will suck depending on.
corn shit
corn shits
shit corn
shits corn
dear god give me this at least.
i think i saw enough fireworks this weekend to last me until next year.
this is a quote from an nhl player's wife, commenting on the lockout and how her husband is home all the time now:
"I want to say the last year was great, and that it was fantastic having Wes home every day – but it wasn't," said Kerry-Anne Walz, with the kind of world-weary laugh only other mothers of three can completely appreciate. "In the beginning when it was rough, I was like, 'Oh my gosh, do I really want to have him home with me all the time? I might have to go find a job myself.' "
might have to find a job? so dick sucking isn't it? you stupid piece of pie.
and you can read the rest on espn.com but i'm too lazy to hyperlink.
shopping cart flavored
you know i was watching the twilight zone with my dad and it's really not that scary or good. my dad said i should like it because it's about wierdos with problems and because i was a "psyhologe" major (yes he never says psychology but says psychologe).
mom: "do you need any table salt?"
phil: "no, why?"
mom: "i went to sam's club yesterday and bought some. guess how many pounds?"
phil: "eighty pounds."
mom: "eighty? no that would be too much. i bought 25 pounds worth."
phil: "great. why did you buy so much?"
mom: "because it was on sale. it only cost three dollars. grandma got a twenty-five pound bag too."
phil: "what does she need that much salt for?"
mom: "well she doesn't use tooth paste. she just uses salt when she brushes her teeth."
phil: "yeah i'm sure that can't be good for your teeth. or not as good as tooth paste at least."
mom: "but what does she need good teeth for? she's old. she's over seventy."
disco head fool
sometimes skunks smell just like roses.
i hope you realize that the piss i pee'd onto the foundation of your home will be 10 feet from where you lay your head,
i find it so curiously interesting the "friend-clique-group" dynamic because people are betrayed left and right as if it would get you less jail time.
curly hair is hot, there i said it.
drinking beer is like oral sex. the older you get, the less you want to swallow it.
shoot shoot shoot em up.
music machine. say what you didn't mean.
so this ridiculous thing just happened. i went out to the living room where i had been watching kill bill vol.2. i hear a doorbell and walk two feet over to the door and open it and there's some black chick at the door. she must have been like 19 or something. anyway she started talking about something and i interrupted her asking, are you looking for a donation or something? she told me some other shit that i couldn't follow because i am gossard and she showed me some sort of document credential which i looked over. yes it looked official. no i have no clue what it meant or what was written on it. then she left. i asked her if she wanted water but she said no. i'm sure she thought this was a wierd ass conversation that didn't make any sense
death list 5
bacteria seems so funny to me. i don't know. it's not and it's gross but when i look at it in it's form, it just seems so silly.
mic check.
i don't have to work today which means i haven't done shit today. actually i did mow da lawn.
