all things must end like this,.
"what are you on?"
that is the question that someone just posed to me. i deceided i will not try and fix all the drunk en typos that i will have in this prarticular blog.
so we drunak a lot tonite at johnnys. we played a lot of poker in which case i either feel like i'm so much better than all those who played or that i really really really really really really really reallyeareally suck.
blah.
i think mayer drove back to his house with my car. actually i know this but i'm styping this out now so that i can remember tomorrow mornign.
by the way i just poured a shit loud fload load or water on my carpet trying to get it into my fucking glass mug.
i don't even know how tomorrow will bve after all this shit. my heard head already hurts as its. as it. damn this .
i leave tomorrow for upnorth . it should be fun and stupid times. i think i almost just vomited but i don't really know.
duck gave me this lighter today of the asian dictator who is symbolic or fof communist china. it plays the chinese national athe,m.e.
i'm kind of done for now. i watedn to say more but i don't know about what so i guses it's the end of this, comma comma semicolon cancer.
i will not do a shot for someone i do not know
i was listening to some curb drop recordings from last week when mayer returned back from chicago. i guess i should call it "curb drop, guest starring michael mayer" or something. anyway it's pretty funny stuff. (GREAT COMMENT!)
i went shopping with duck and his brother jeff this afternoon. jeff is a horrible horrible driver. he's not realy good at any part of the driving experience: he's bad at driving, stopping, parking, turning, speeding up, slowing down, making sure the passengers are happy about temperature, music, bad with directions, finding the car in the parking lot, EVERYTHING.
i'm so suprised he's yet to be the cause of any major accident.
tonite we're going to johnny mulka's parents house to play poker. should be fun. i'm sure i'll get second place and win nothing as usual. i don't know what my problem is with always being second best. i guess i take after billy (inside joke).
it's so cold in my house right now. i wonder if the heat is turned down. i wonder, but i don't know, because i'm too lazy (i know there should not be a comma before "because" but that's how i would have spoken that line in person).
i got this velvet underground cd at best buy today. i can't wait to listen. it is the dbl cd of their final concert. i noticed that john cale is not playing guitar on the cd though. but i'm sure it's still kick ass.
i also purchased the first season of arrested development. that show is so good, but i have a feeling it'll end up being prematurely cancelled due to lack of significant ratings. i will be heart broken on that day.
oh yeah, jeff took a shit or something at his house, but the toilet is broken so he just let his poo rott there for like 3 days, until finally his sister discovered the smell. how cool is that?
duck said that what jeff did is the asian way, except normally these types of shannanagans (not sure if there are more or less n's) are reserved for people other than one's family. basically, jeff even screws his family.
i'm going out to dinner now with my family to papa vino's although i still am so full from last nite's binge at the Rosa. amazingly, i still have no significant shits to show for that disgraceful display of feasting...
whenever i come down
so i went to the (ponder)Rosa today with dbl c and billy and it was marvelous. this occured from 7:30pm - 8:40pm (EST). i broke my own wings record by eating 21 wings (previous record was 19). also note that the personal record always includes me eating additional non-wing food such as mashed pos and rice pilaf.
i'm still fucking full as hell.
this all came after i've discovered that i have gained much weight since college. back in college and most of highschool, i weighed around 136 lbs. now, i weigh around 158. isn't that ridiculous?
i think my hair weighs about 1 lb, in all fairness.
and i feel fat, but i'm not really. i know i was always super scrawny. i don't even know how i could have gained that much though since college. granted i no longer run like 8 miles a day or every other day. but i don't think that would have reduced my wieght by 20 lbs. it's all so puzzling to me.
i was supposed to go to jane's family's game nite tonite but bailed. when i say i was supposed to, i mean i was invited by jane's older sister eriCKa. now i like ericka but i have never considered her to be my friend. she is jane's sister, or even just dawn's sister.
now i feel bad because CK was visiting from las vegas for the holidays and i may or may not get to see her. and i told her i'd go to games nite. but in all honesty, i didn't really ever want to go or plan to go. so i was a no show and she'll probably say something about it next time i hear from her. and i do feel guilty about it because i'm a fucking nutcase. i know i shouldn't care so much, but i still do.
i just don't have that much time. i feel like i'm spread thin, but i mean only when it's the holidays and a ton of people are back in town. i have commitments with a lot of people, most of which i want to see. so it's hard to make time for everyone. i wish my friends came back in stagard fashion. but instead, i'm stuck running around like a chicken with it's cock cut off.
but upnorth is coming real soon and i'm really excited now for it. i don't know why i think it'll be so great but i just do. i just feel a ton of laughs on the horizon. i think dbl c, billy and i (and maybe mayer i guess) will come up a day earlier than everyone else and go up on the 28th, just to dick around.
i cannot find either of my glasses cases which is driving me crazy. fuck the irish.
on blueberry hill
so i got my mom for x-mas a couple of cds including this double cd of louis armstrong, which we listened to and which i would recommend purchasing if you are a decent human being (fuck trying to save the world or the whales, buy the damn cd)...
anyway, she said she liked disc 2 better than disc 1 because she knew more of the songs on the 2nd. she said that the first cd dosen't have any famous songs on it. now i know this is a false statement, but i tried to be nice about it. i told her it was possible that the more famous songs were on the 2nd disc but that the 1st disc probably had other less-famous songs as well, and that she probably just was not so knowledgable about jazz to recognize these other songs. she said something like, "yeah that's probably true but i really only like the most famous songs any one sings."
now that isn't something that is so suprising to me because i know my mom is not that into music and not that experienced with it. i think she fits the top-40 personality that i so commonly refer to. it's ok as this is my mom and not someone i want to date. but i still think she is wrong.
i told her to give the other not-as-famous songs a couple of listens because maybe she'd be more familiar with them then and would enjoy them better. but she didn't seem to believe me.
she is stubborn like my dad like my brother like me. blah
also my mom started talking about acapella's and how she did not like them so much because they are too boring. she said she needs to hear instruments in order to enjoy music. well, i actually think the same thing about acapella. the thing that took me back a little about her comment is that the reason louis armstrong is so badass is you just listen to him blow the horn and the music is so distinct and great... so relaxing. yet she doesn't really enjoy those songs heavy in the horn. she enjoys the hits that had a ton of vocals such as it's a wonderful world. whatever.
my mom was then saying she prefers listening to barbershop quartets. she said something like, "even though there's only 4 members in a barbershop quartet, they sound better and do more than a large acapella group. because sometimes you just expect more from a lot of people... more than you'd expect from only a small number of people. all you really need is 4 people."
and i liked what she said even though she was refering to musical singing troupes. i liked what she said because that's more or less how i feel about my true friends as i don't need more than a small crew as they are the best and my favorite and when i expand my group and extend to some of these other jokers i hang out with more often than i should/want, it ends up not coming even remotely close to the experience i have with my select few. run-on-sentence-poo.
sentence frag.
i was thinking last nite at goldbond's house, where i was with goldbond, billy, and dbl-c that this is great and i wouldn't have wanted to be doing anything else but sitting around with good people. good simple times.
{this blog post was sponsored in part by Best Irrigation: "If You Can Find a Better Irrigation Company, Please Submit Them My Resume."}
minimum wage. Yaaaaaaaah!
well christmas day has started off just as planned. the first conversation i see with my mom and dad this morning results in my parents each being pissed at each other because they are incapable of talking without fighting. great i know.
it's 11am and i haven't even had a bowel movement yet. way too early to be hearing this kind of bickering.
and the presents haven't been opened yet because my dumbass brother is still sleeping. we're waiting for his lazy ass to get up. that was actually why my parents were fighting. my dad wanted to wake him up but my mom did not. my dad is thinking that we should have "quality" christmas time together for as long as the day lasts. on the otherhand, my mom is thinking her precious first born fucking loser is still resting and he needs his sleep because now he's in law school!
what a joke.
and i'm bored because i cannot open my presents or open any beers... actually, maybe i'll have a beer now. it is still technically the morning though. fuck.
and it's so cold in this house. i'm sure it's warmer in my parent's house than in prasad's but i'm not trying to compare poop with shit. we're talking about the same damn thing here.
so i came into my parent's house and went immediately to the basement to get some wrapping paper as the majority of my gifts remain unwrapped. i see my dad down there with a chair pulled up to the ping pong table. i don't really get it for two reasons:
1. there are about 7 desks in the house, why would he use the ping pong table.
2. it's colder than a siberian whore's 2-sheckels palm job in the basement.
and so i wonder what the hell is wrong with people.
oh so then my dad tells me there's no need to wrap the gifts because my mom came up with a brilliant(!) idea: let's not wrap any of the presents this year and instead, put them in these gift bags which will save on tape, wrapping paper, time, and of course, the bags are reusable! and to think i was wondering all along why my mom's been saving these gift bags for the past eon.
so i guess i "lucked" out with a crazy family and i don't really have to wrap the majority of the gifts. the downside of not wrapping gifts, however, is that when i put MY gift bags under the tree, i happened to accidently knock over one already sitting there and out came one of the presents that i had requested. so i already know that i'm getting the rolling stones 4 licks dvd set. sweeeeeeeeeeet.
and i'll probably have to go home tonite and get wasted in order to release the stress that is my family and will watch it. anyone interested, let me know, but i highly doubt anyone will read this post until after the new year when everyone is back at the grind that is their life and will have free time to jerk off/double click while reading my shitty thoughts.
merry christmas, stay warm, and keep your unit on you.
please just let it out
i have two things to say:
1. i was thinking today how i have this history of dating people who suffer from severe emotional problems. this is nothing new that other people haven't realized or that i haven't dicussed directly.
but the thing is, i was thinking how i am very particular in the style/genre of music, art, movies, etc that i enjoy, and that my filters that i've set based on such qualities may have caused myself to only be attracted to people with these types of issues.
and then i thought, maybe because i have such "high" standards for the girls i'm seriously interested in, much of it having to do with the girl/target being very intersting, that that factor causes me to end up with people with issues. because people without issues are typically boring. seriously. people who live normal lives without these major life-altering problems end up listening to top-40 music and believing in whatever mommy and daddy fed them. i don't know. it's just another theory.
i like more alternative girls, and i guess there's a reason why they are alternative... i mean something in mainstream america affected them at some point in their life to cause them to not want to be another clone.
by the way, the cd that i made jane in which she painted me that lovely picture is unbelievable, if i do say so myself (all egos aside, it really is pretty fucking good).
2. my second thought is that i went on an actual date today/tonite. if you know me at all, you will know i always claim that "i have never been on an actual date before. i mean i've had numerous girlfriends, but none of them started on a regular typical date."
so i went on a date and it went well.
so i guess my previous posting was wrong... the posting i wrote specifically for johnny's comment (you'll have to read my posting more often if you don't know what i'm talking about).
merry christmas and indagadadivida (sp?) baby
nobody as to know. i want to see my heart's reflection in your eyes.
missy asked me if i'm a good wrapper.
i should have told her i put detroit back on the map. fuck marshall mathers.
seriously, it's the afternoon of christmas eve (doesn't that sound odd?) and i'm trying to wrap my gifts for my family. i barely got through two gifts when i ran out of tape.
i looked and there is no more tape.
looks like there will be no christmas this year!
seriously, my wrapping ability dimishes expodentially as the supply of tape i have to work with diminishes. it's like a logorithm, or so i heard. rememeber? i'm one of those stupid asians that doesn't get calculus. i get calculus like i get girls' phone numbers.
i think i might just put the remainder of the unwrapped presents in the plastic store bags that they came in and staple them shut.
what a pickle.
405 acoustic style
yesterday was great. i got to see the old crew: mayer, johnny, duck, prasad, and myself. suprisingly, it was a relatively tame nite by our standards. these are all the people i went to college with... roommates/housemates with. we have all since moved to different locations, except for myself. whenever we get back together though, we start off where we left off, and there's no bullshit small talk. none necessary.
jane's birthday is today. happy birthday. it sucks that it falls on a holiday, but so it goes. i hope she had fun last nite at the bar. we went to the post in ferdale.
i have this feeling that jane attracts a lot of duche bags at the bar. i think last nite was no different. who knows, maybe one day one of them will be a diamond in the rough. or maybe she's just destined to be with a loser.
it was interesting that someone last nite commented about the same scenario. except they added that the fact jane's dad is a carpenter... a blue-collared worker... is the reason why jane attracts these losers. i have to disagree. it would be true if jane actively was seeking out these guys verses the guys seeking her out.
also there's nothing wrong whatsoever with blue collared folk. although i have to admit the thought has crossed my mind numerous times whether i would date a girl who worked as a clerk full-time. i know if the girl was right, it wouldn't matter. but still to be honest, i know it would be one of the cons in my mind, at least initially. i guess being brought up in a city where not going to a major university is abnormal really has slanted my perspective on the reality of the world and has slanted my views on what are really important. it's too late now too, although being conscious of this all "helps" i suppose.
i was going to write more but i need to eat. blah to these human needs. blah the libidos.
hoping for a little more than another kiss tonite. i'll let you know.
making silly faces and it's tasting reallly sweet
"well i guess if you guys are going to the salvation army, then i'm in."
- johnny mulka
i don't know, taken out of context, it's not so funny, but the (complete) message he had left was. i'm too lazy to try and paraphrase it all.
i was thinking today how important it could possibly matter about someone's last name and the effects it has on dating. for instance, people with terrible last names have to appear at least subconsciously more unattractive then people who normal last names. it's what yount, prasad, and i discussed numerous times: the 3 strike policy.
the three-strike policy basically says that when you meet a person, you immediately judge them based on stupid criteria that are all so petty, but when added up (if added to three), makes one not even bother finding out more about the target and automatically dismisses the possibility for romance.
the topic came up because yount's sister stephanie was starting to date a dude, that was normal and so on, except is name is larry, which we classified to be on a list of unattractive first names, hence giving larry-dawg strike-one.
mullets automatically count for two strikes (one for the hair and one for not being dead.
anyway, i was thinking how my last name is pretty unattractive. i'm sure it matters. it's not like my last name is Hitler or Cockfacerapist but it still sucks.
so i automatically have one-strike, except i don't since most people don't need to know of my last name until it's too late and i've seduced them with my knowledge of wes anderson movies.
for the fellowship we have with our neighbor carl
i have a couple of more thoughts. this has to do with the posting i just made as well...
so i was talking to mo the other week about this girl named libby that used to be obsessed with me, freshman year, for whatever reason. she was fucking crazy. anyway, she wanted me to fuck her but i wouldn't because i was fucking crazy too. but she really was psycho and i just didn't think it would be wise at all. so i denied her. then she dropped out of school.
i always thought i had ruined her life in some way or another. well mo told her that i really hadn't. she dropped out because she met another boy, and she decided to give up any future of self-exploration and got tied down by the boy.
anyway, so that was very refreshing to hear from mo that i did not ruin this girl's life, by my selfish existance. but also at the same time, i guess i was sort of always so righteous or something about how terrible of a human i used to be. and i know a lot of things i say and a lot of things i do end up holding a lot of weight to people i know. pretty sure it's because i usually am considered very realistic and kind of all-knowing, or some bullshit crap. i'm pretty sure it's also because i'm brutally honest about everything i take in. good and really bad.
so i didn't ruin libby's life.
well honestly, i did help to ruin this other girl's life. this girl named cassie that i also knew my freshman year. i think she really liked me too. but then i started dating jess and she got all wierd and jealous. then she sort of flipped out. she was always a little ecentric, but she really changed, drastically for the worse.
she told me i ruined her life, after i bumped into her at a random house party a few years removed from contact with each other.
she said she was still fucked up.
i didn't really even do anything major. my own selfish interest in another girl really hurt her. see, the good in my life causes the pain in anothers.
like i said, i'm sort of bummed i didn't really affect libby as much as i had thought. but i really do wish someone, particularly cassie, would just randomly show up at my door and tell me that i didn't ruin this girl's life. because i really think i did.
i guess i'll just continue indulge in my worrying.
telling me i've wasted time
what i wanted to write before i got carried away with johnny's comment is about donnie darko. i was just watching the film (2nd time seeing) and it really, really makes me think, even more unhealthily than usual.
by the way, this won't make nearly as much sense unless you're seen it. so see it.
i'm thinking basically about all the things that hurt or give people discomfort in the world. so much of it is caused by silly actions that occur in a microscopic level, day in day out. but where i'm going with this thought it, they occur just because people are alive. i mean, my existance will affect someone's life (surely multiple persons) in a highly negative way. i will do something to someone that will hurt like cialis induced blue balls. blue ball jokes aside, seriously. i will let someone down. i will intentially hurt someone. i will unintentially hurt someone. yadda yadda. and this applies to not just me. no i am not so egocentrical or frugal that i am not willing to share the wealth...
then again, the flipside too is that i will really make someone happy. i will make someone's day, or make someone's life. that's also an amazing thing to think, to believe, to hope.
and then the question is how does one ensure the good side and not the bad. well in my last post, i basically said, or at least tried to convey, it's not possible to do anything. and this sounds so helpless, like our actions are meaningless... but aren't they? i mean one cares to think about it, our lives are so swayed by people, events, society, circumstances, chance, timing, luck, whatever, everything, and so forth. so how does one actually decide and make a difference with one's own life. you can't really when you really rationalize it down to this level. but then again most people don't think like this or want to or care to. and i envy those who aren't realists or realistic. it's easier to just throw all your hopes into something like religion and just pray and "know" everything's going to be okay.
but i won't get into my speech about all that.
destruction breeds beauty
before i even get started, i want to give a shout out to mayer and johnny for posting comments. that's what you're all supposed to do.
second, johnny just wrote something about how billy and i both "heart nothing". he then went into how when billy or i are seeing someone, he's unhappy, and when he's seeing someone, like right now, we're unhappy. and so on. he wants to know why we can't all be happy at once and all have our teen dream machines.
seriously, why not?
i've noticed that pattern or trend to. now, i've thought about this and i really realize that in general, life is rough. it's just a serious of bad things happening. don't get me wrong, there's a ton of good too. i'm not saying it equals out at all in anyone's given life. i don't even think it evens out in general.
i'd go so far as saying there's about 80% of unhappiness and 20% of happiness. and i think that the happiness is somehow shared amongst us all. so when good things happen to one person, then something bad happens to two. and if you think about it, usually someone's victory is someone's defeat.
here are examples:
johnny meets loren and starts dating her. well that's great for both of them. really i am very happy for him. but say there's some other skirt that likes johnny. and what about another guy that likes loren? well now neither have a chance with either. so they are both unhappy.
what if someone hits the lotto and is now a multi-millionaire? well what about the thousands of losers. although their pain is not so great, the cumulation is superior to any fleeting joy this new-money dude will ever have.
etc. etc. etc.
so johnny, this post i guess is sort of all about what you wrote. that's the way the cookie crumbles. now it will happen someday that all three of us will be happy and whipped, but until then, a whole lot of bad shit will keep happening to us because there's people ahead of us in line who deserve to shine, before we get our turn.
i'm going to make another new post of things i really wanted to say... (to be continued).
g is my favorite chord
so i'm at work right now. i am done with everything i possibly can do, and it's only 2pm. the reason why there isn't nearly as much to do this week is that so many people are out for the holiday. this means less people are bugging me with their requests. hurray.
i'm listening to some curb drop recordings from last nite. we had like a 4-hour session. it was fun as always. i really think we are pretty decent considering how ofter we really practice and how long we've all played. i think our style allows us to sort of suck and make mistakes too, so that helps.
i got this giant package in the mail at work just now, and inside was this candy-cane shaped box with more candy inside. i swear, if i were a chick, i'd be in heaven and hell at the same time. there's just so much food, especially chocolate.
i think they should make condoms made of chocolate. in fact, M&M's should come out with them. they could keep their slogan "melts in your mouth, not in your hands".
i was so tired this morning because we played until 2am. i have a feeling i won't be getting much sleep the next 2 weeks despite having it all off.
ok i'm going to go back to pretending like i'm working. secretly, i'll be thinking of eddie vedder.
billy, i heart nothing either.
the m is for money and the d is for diamond
so i found out today where i fall on the grand sceme of our economy. my dad told me that he recieved his yearly bonus from work. after taxes, my dad's bonus was still greater than my gross salary. i decided that this is okay with me because at least i'm helping make a difference in this world.
sarcasm is the latest fad. i'm predicting that in the next year or two, sarcasm will have evolved into a new form of biggotry.
i don't know what i'm talking about.
the air outside today is colder than the eye to eye contact my parents make with each other, always accidently.
i know tomorrow i'm going to have to scrape the shit out of my car windows and that it's going to be like this for the next few months. today was the turning point in my happiness for the environment i inhabit.
if anyone's interested in moving somewhere warmer, let's congregate and come up with a battle plan. i am suggesting opening up a second Core 3 Solutions storefront in San Diego. any other suggestions?
purchased by your dentist
so i just watched the lion's lose another nailbiter. what the hell is wrong with our team? i swear we've lost 5 games on the last drive. as if the cock-smoking rumors weren't rough enough, now j harrington has to deal with his teams losing games for him. i feel bad for the kid. actually i don't since he has millions of dollars which he could use to dry his teary eyes with... or he could spend it on matching ball-gags for the entire boy scout troup 314.
dude i bought some cds today. went to a couple of used cd shops. the good thing about the used shops is you can typically find those hard-to-find cds (some imports, some bootlegs). and much of the time, it's possible to get these cds pretty cheaply. the bad thing about the stores are that the new cds they sell are like $15. although i'd like to support my local stores to some capacity, i'd also much rather go to best buy and pick out some new discs at a cheaper price. i'll even drive out of my way to try and save a few bucks...
i got this cd by the kings of leon. they are rock. they are solid. they sort of remind me of the velvet underground, if they were a tighter band and if they didn't write crazy lyrics (still describing vu). anyway, kings of leon are sweet. (joe turned me onto them)
last nite i realized just how boring some people are. i mean, they are so boring that they make up/force conversations with others about the conversations that other people are having next to them. i mean, god. if you don't have anything to say, just shut the fuck up and bake me a cake.
dbl c and i went to ram's horn last nite around 1am. he had a couple of coffees, some shots of cream, and some french toast. i had the 4-piece fried chicken dinner, with dinner roll, m potatoes, corn, and some chick-nood soup. oh yeah, dbl c had some cheese-broc soup as well. all in all it was a statisfying meal. i don't know, for some reason eating late meals at the ram's horn is just a mysteriously-happy feeling for me each time. i think i just like the feel of being in a diner-esq enviroment.
oh i also checked out this bead shop today down in royal oak. i'll have to go back there sometime with all my broken necklaces and have them re-strung. i bought this necklace with a cross on it. it's pretty simple, but very sweet, like a butt hole.
i know what some of you are thinking... "phil doesn't believe in god so why does he have a necklace with a cross on it?" well it's true. i don't believe in god, but i still celebrate crusifications. done and done.
(side note: i really am still trying to figure all that religion thing out out... but for the sake of this posting, let's just say i don't)...
up a tree
if the thought of the girl (or guy) that you having during sunday mass doesn't make you want to want to masterbate, you probably aren't that into whomever you're seeing. this applies to whether you've been seening the person only in your fucking up mind or if you're married with children.
ivory lines bleed
i went to lakeside mall this afternoon with my brother and my dad. it was not planned.
in the movie "bottle rocket", luke wilson says something like, "... and that's the moment when i realized not only did i not want to answer this particular water sport question but any other water sport question again."
well that's how i feel about "the mall". not only did i not want to be there, but i never want to go there again.
especially during the holidays.
i love kids, but there's fucking brats running around screaming like they just realized they have to live another 60 years. life = a prison.
besides the kids, there's all those dumb fucks that walk right into you because they're too busy looking for the freakin hot-cinnamon-peanut stands or else looking for their little bastard kids that wandered off with clowns and carnies. the point is, so many cows don't mind where they are herding.
also, there's signs everywhere saying there's a huge clearance sale at such at such store. blah blah blah. everything is not on sale. that just means they aren't marking up the prices by 800% ove what they pay the little kid in china-taipei to make. it's just pointless to flood my vision with all these sale signs. i don't get excited because i am not an idiot and realize the true situation. so these days, the only time i get excited about hearing about a sale is when i'm down below the mason dixon and slavemaster jared goes to the auction house with so young strong black bucks.
so i don't ask names anymore.
today we just go and take a look
so i'm at my parent's house right now, mooching on food and talking to my dad. he started getting all philosophical on me about our family and the importance, like he always does. i always just keep quiet and don't mention the fact that he and my mom didn't exactly show this kind of interest when my brother and i are kids, so now they're half-ass trying to make up for it. but now we have our own lives which has grown distant from theirs... it reminds me of that cats craddle and the silver spoon song.
blah that was annyoing.
my dad said to me, "you know you're lucky to have grown up with a family that is so humerous." this was after i handed him my x-mas wish list, coming after a year where i recieved turtle wax and an ice scrapper from him as a gift.
i was like, "what are you talking about dad? that wasn't a funny gift. even if you meant it to be, there wasn't a real present behind the fact humerous one. so it wasn't funny. it was tragic."
he said, "well, you'll appreciate it in about 50 years. you'll look back and laugh."
i didn't tell him this, but i plan on being dead in 50 years. hell, i feel like i'm having a mid-life crisis so to speak. if that's actually true, that means i'll live until i'm 47.
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun... i hope i die before i get old... dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
look at the lil' bastard!
so i think i'm going to use the term "wasted" more often to cover basically everything. like when i'm drunk, i'm going to say, "i'm wasted", because i am. but when i'm fucked up from other things, like a raging bull hits me and knocks out my libido, i'm going to say, "i'm fucking wasted and my penis fell off".
i think this will enable me to have an excuse to act like a jackass. people ALWAYS understand, as long as nothing is really meant from whatever is said or done, because one is a fucking alcoholic.
it's a disease, like "Milton Bradley crabs" (reference from thanksgiving eve 2004 nite when my friends and i were wasted).
so boxy-poo today wrote an email and referenced "sodomy" spelling it "sotomy". now, i can relate being non-american and all and having a wicked handicap in prounoucing certain words. but come on man, you've got to know certain key words like "sodomy", "skull-fucking", "donkey-punching ecoli erin", and "oj simpson was a good christian".
i went to this time inc party tonite which wasn't nearly as fun as it was the year before. it was still good times, but again, wasn't as good as it was the year before. i forgot again until tonite how many hot skirts work in the advertising field. so many of them are in their 30's, but that's alright with me because i do well with the age bracket from 3-12 and from 30-69. speaking of 69, remember that fat ass in that football movie with dawson's creek?
i think british acents are hot, but only on women. hugh grant can suck a hooker's crack pipe.
i'm glad mayer writes comments about my posts. if only duck wasn't a fuck...
time takes care of my wounds so why can't you?
so for those of you who watch and hopefully enjoy adult swim, i love the new commercial for aqua teen hunger force! in the commercial, they play the theme song while this girl dances seductively. it is a shot of her neck down while she sways her hips like mrs. gorman.
i went to this party at the blue martini tonite. it was pretty fun. it was a work-related party hosted by kelley blue book (kbb) online. they gave out these gift bags, which i somehow got two of because there were so many extra. so now i have a set of martini glasses from crate and barrel. the thing is, i'll probably never make a martini ever.
i also won this vanilla vodka/coniac that came in a giant bottle. it's green. it's ridiculous. i'm sure i'll pop that bad boy open upnorth. actually, fuck you guys, i'm just going to drink it myself whenever i'm feeling "alone".
tomorrow i'm going to the time inc. party which i went to last year. it is bad ass. it's held in their office, where you walk 5 feet in any direction and there's another bar. i hope jane can dd for me (i have friday off).
sorry this blog is not funny and is actually about what i've done today. i know i suck big donkey ass.
red hot chili peppers all over your face kid
so i think local car dealership commercials are the worst. they are such shite quality and so lame. i don't understand why they bother wasting their money. they'd be better off investing in a glock, some hollow tip bullets, and a shit load of bounty the quicker picker upper (after watching the "superfly on tnt" scene in pulp fiction, they'll be quite the mess after action is taken).
there's something comforting to me about clipping my finger nails (not so much with clipping the toe nails though). i'm not sure, but i'd almost describe it as minor orgasmic. it's not the same as sticking my thumb up my ass or watching arnold in "last action hero", but it kind of does the job.
i think it might also be a comfort thing for me. i just like knowing that my nails are cut to the grit... knowing there's a diminished chance of me drawing blood, should i accidently scratch my balls while i'm sleeping.
jane made a good point to me today at work. she told me that my blog probably won't recieve any paid advertising on it as it is too vulgar. that would be ideal, making my millions from the comfort of my own wet-dreamed stained bed.
i haven't had a wet dream in at least 2 leap years. yeah that's right, you do the math booooooooy.
yeah so the point is i think jane is right.
bowflex treadclimber works your heart
so i was flipping through the channels just now, trying to get to ABC for the monday nite game and i realized, it's not monday. i can't believe i forgot what day it was. maybe it has to do with the 11 hours of work i did today (in a row john holmes style). i don't know. maybe it has to do with the fact that i left my wrist watch (i don't think that descriptive term is used quite enough... what about wristjob, or
(5 minutes past just now and i forgot what i was going to say. actually, i could look up and reread whatever the hell it was i was trying to say aka the point to the story aka the thing i have to say before i can shut the fuck up... or something.
)(
so i am watching reno 911 right now and have to say it's some funny shite. i think it's so interesting you can buy all, new "successful" tv shows on dvd now. i put successful in quotations because there's really a lot of crap out there they are trying to pawn to a public hat lacks any authority to make decisions on what shows they should watch and what shows they should set fire to to burn down their neighbors garage.
i think if the government of the world wanted to end smoking, all they would have to do is ban automobiles. because realistically, if people didn't have to drive, they'd lose 1 of 3 opportunites in the day that they have the urge to smoke. the other 2 being "when they are drinking" and "when they're trying to get lung cancer". by the way, my favorite are the people who have managed to merge the three together at the same time so they have more time during the day to fuck up.
but seriously, banning cars would end up ending smoking. and if that doesn't work, we can try killing all the jews (again). who's to say that it'd work, but hey, i'll be optimistic for this one.
also of course i'm racist, everyone is. (although i'm not really racist to jews, just chinks, SERIOUSLY). but everyone really is racist a little. and that's ok, because people are terrible people.
the fucking brits
oh, so i was just talking to motoko online and it made me want to write somemore.
i told her how much the weather sucks and how i just want to go to bed but wake up and not have to go outside, not because i'm depressed or fearful of the world, but because it's colder than an eskimo's pussy.
so then she's like, "well it's almost x-mas", infering that the fact i'll recieve shitty presents from my dysfuntional family will cheer up the spirit that is inside of me. my spirit is no casper the friendly ghost. he was under homo-suspicision by the way.
and who would read a stupid comic book about a friendly ghost? he wasn't even how like patrick swayze (hahah i just had to google that shit to get the correct spelling). and speaking of patricks, what happened to patrick duffy?
step by step day by day my two dads.
so last year my dad had a great idea of one-stop shopping for my brother and my x-mas presents. too bad he didn't go to a cool store like the las vegas bunny ranch. instead he went to an Ace or Aco and bought shit to clean up my car.
(for those of you who have had the misfortune of sitting in my car before, you will realize i do not take action in cleaning it.. there are numerous pop cans that would make a bum shit his pants and then eat it because he's starving/crazy/homeless/likes eating poop).
so what the fuck am i going to use turtle wax for. i swear the next girlfriend i have is going to get that as an anniversary present.
although knowing my bitch-ass, it'll end up being the fake present before i give out the real tiffany's.
anyway, the point of this blog is supposed to be the fact that mo told me to look forward to x-mas. however, i told her that this will be the first time in 4 years or so that i haven't had a girlfriend over x-mas. how cool is that. not that i need a girlfriend (i do because i'm not a real man), but it's just a wierd feeling, like trying to walk around with gum on the soles of your shoes.
i miss having a girlfriend but what i don't miss is having a boyfriend. how fucking deep is that comment?
if i had to date a guy, i think it would have to be hugh hefner. i mean, at least i know there's all these "pretty" sluts around all the time and i'm sure the girl to guy ratio would be like 6 to 3. also, for those non-asian-mathmatically-challenged folk, that means the fake boobies to errect penis ration is something like 11.5 to 2 (hugh wouldn't count as he's on cialis... "if you suffer from an errection lasting 4 hours, seek immediate medical attention").
and speaking of immediate, i'm going to sleep with the hopes that i immediately fall asleep. however that will probably not happen and i'll have to think about kool kate for three-units of time and m........
catholics unite.
lodi dodi ride that pony
so i played poker tonite with work people.
honestly they were all very good.
it took awhile but i know how each player plays.
needless to say i lost both games but won a lot of respect (well not really as i spilled some beer on the felt covering some table).
but it was fun because they all knew what they were doing. i took second in the first game which means absolutely nothing.
i think every one of my thoughts that run through my mind warrant a new paragraph.
to comment on MJ's last comment in my blog, we will not wait you fuck.
also i cannot wait until mayer is bitch rich to have him buy me things like the two kill bill dvds. he will pay.
i was outside today and realized how cold it was. how did i notice this? well, my balls retracted to my throat and i started coughing on my own pubes (don't worry they are groomed, but still present from lack of attention).
i have to work tomorrow but all i really want to do is r.k.r. if you don't know what that means, go ask double c.
i think when duck comes home, i'm going to piss my pants... while standing on top of gorman's mom... r kelly style.
i think i use too many r kelly references. but then again, he is my idol. i mean, who gets to do crazy shit on someone else without getting busted.
scratch that, oj is cool.
and who the fuck is michaelmayer911@hotmail.com?
5 against 1,
stone.
blogging is not meant as an online journal, you crier
so i was talking to missy the other day, and her 9th grade step-sister has just begun posting her feelings on her blog. it's the new craze! anyway, she posted shit about all the dumb boys she liked. i think in the first paragraph, she referenced 3 boys she had crushes on. don't they still teach in english classes that new topics (in this case new boys) require new paragraphs. i mean, fuck.
this goes to show two things: first girls are stupid because they have ridiculous numbers of crushes that overlap. and when i say crushes, it is very different than when a guy has a crush on a girl. when a girl has a crush on a guy, she wants to have a relationship with a dude no matter what a loser this guy really is (usually "he's hot"). when a guy has a crush on a girl, usually the guy wants to just repeatedly fuck the shit out of the girl in every which way. sorry, that's just the way it is/things will never be the same. also, girls can have multiple crushes that they want to have relationships with all at the same time. guys can have multiple crushes that they all want to fuck, at the same time. O R G Y.
the second thing missy's stepsister's online journal proves is how stupid it is to post personal feelings online, when it relates to relationships. because just about anyone can read these fucking things, so by writing how you like someone, you're exposing a world of gossip and laughter. i have no pity for you.
so my point is, i'm not going to post any of my feelings online. unless "my feelings" are translated as all the times i grab girls boobies after they've past out.
that's it. fuck you. we're going out tuesday dec. 21 in case you want to dd.
jeff is an idiot
so duck has a brother named jeff who is an idiot. he actually flew into china today for his vacation. he doesn't work or anything and hasn't really held a job his entire 24-year life, to date, but apparently he needs a vacation. i think he's in his 6th year of school, pauly shore: "son in law" style.
also a side note, i went to duck's parent's dental office today for a routine cleaning/check up. but i hadn't gone to a dentist since highschool (don't ask me why, i'm stupid). and guess what, i didn't have a single thing wrong with my teeth! and i got a toothbrush.
also, another side note, the other day my mom and i were listening to the radio. my mom asks me, "is this billy joel?" i asked if she liked it. she said, "yes." then i answered her question, "no this isn't billy joel. it's "buddy holly" by weezer." ridiculous.
that's all i got. this is gay.
this is my blog (insert firecrackers and mrs. gorman moaning sound effects)
so this is my blog. i'm writing this because of a couple of reasons. first, i hope this blog will encourage people like duck and mayer to keep in better contact. (sorry i'm not complaining, but everytime i hear from either of you i laugh my ass off, so why not hear from you two more often?)
oh yeah, the second reason to post this blog is because i'm being encouraged to do so at work. my work is asking me to check out blogs as an opportunity for GM to exploit this medium for advertising purposes. so i've heard in the past few days all about this crap. i currently handle all GM-related paid search advertising, so i work with google daily... and google owns blogger.com, so that's why i'm using it.
and also because i am bored.
i am watching the big labowski right now. it's a ridiculous movie. i'm trying to watch and remember the lines as i want to be one of those people who can quote the dude or walter on the fly. "son this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass."
so that's all for now. please comment and say all the shit you want to help encourage mayer and duck to post a reply/retort.
blah.
